still suspicious Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 I'm new to this site, and am really in need of some thoughts from others. My wife of 15 years just recently told me about an "inappropriate relationship" / "emotional affair" that she had with a co-worker 3 years ago. She worked with this man for about 8 years. I started suspecting her of an affair about a year and a half ago. I asked her several times if she was having an affair, but she wouldn't admit to it. However, her guilt was oozing out of her. Finally, after finding that she had secretly opened a facebook account with a secret e-mail address (where she had been talking to an ex-boyfriend), I confronted her and told her I needed to know the truth. I told her that I was certain she had a secret and had or is having an inappropriate relationship. Her first question to me was, "are you talking about something that happened before we were married or after? Then she said, "just tell me what you know, and I'll tell you if you're right". That was followed by "just tell me who you think it is and I'll tell you if you're right". After about 2 hours of this, she finally told me that she had this relationship. She said that it lasted about 6 months. She said that this guy asked her to leave me for him. According to her, this relationship never spilled outside of work, which is a very busy medical office where they worked in seperate areas. They kissed one time in the breakroom. He would call her at work when he had days off through the week. She said that other than the kiss, it was limited to sporadic flirting and conversation. She said that he said things to her that made her feel special and she let it go farther than she should have. She said that she ended it by telling him that she ruin her marriage. This story doesn't add up for me. She said that she finally told me about this because she couldn't handle the guilt anymore. I don't think her guilt adds up to the story that she told. Would she feel that guilty about one kiss and sporadic flirting and conversation that was limited to only the workplace? Especially, 3 years ago. I feel that things progressed farther than she is saying. BTW, he went through a divorce during this time.
samspade Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 In my opinion, it almost doesn't matter. She was willing to disrespect you at least to the point of kissing him and considering an affair. Your gut is telling you there is something more than she's saying; if you're suspecting as much, you probably have good reason to be concerned. Factor into it a woman will tell a man about 10% of the truth when it comes to sex, and I'd say she's been up to no good. And what about that business of "tell me what you know and I'll tell you if you're right," and "are we talking before or after the marriage"?? Not to mention secret facebook accounts and talking to ex-boyfriends. It all adds up to a kick to the curb if you ask me.
Geishawhelk Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 No, I'm sure she's being absolutely honest.... I'd wait until she sends you a gilt-edged, thermographed and embossed copper-script invitation to her shag-fest before accusing her of lying..... Oh come on!! You must surely have red flags waving everywhere, and alarm bells clanging off in your head to a deafening degree.... especially if you're also posting here.... Right? I see a visit to a Lawyer looming.... There are quite a few in Yellow Pages.....
mark982 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 from the questions she asked you, it sounds like there's numerous men.
Enema Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 from the questions she asked you, it sounds like there's numerous men. Agreed! That, and it's far more than just a kiss or two.
SRV Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 A guy will/does not pursue a woman for three years just for a kiss and being flirtatious.
tuscansun Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 She's being lame...plain and simple. I played this game with my ex and in my case I actually hadn't done anything physical, just phone/emotional affair. What I did reflected serious problems in our relationship and it sounds to me what she has got going on is much worse. And you two are married so, that's even more serious. A lot can happen in a break room, and something is telling me its not just kissing. You need to ask her if she even wants to be with you at this point. I know it's a scary question but you gotta know. It takes two people to make a marriage work and if one person is refusing to work, thats an issue...
BikerBeagle Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Then she said, "just tell me what you know, and I'll tell you if you're right". That was followed by "just tell me who you think it is and I'll tell you if you're right". oh.my.god. "just tell me which one you know about and what you know or can prove ...then I'll confess to that much, and only that much". Your wife didn't "confess" anything ...you suspected her, you confronted her ...she doesn't get credit for having guilt, coming clean, or clearing her conscience on this one. In fact, she doesn't seem to show any remorse or guilt whatsoever about it, based on what you have written here.
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