heartbreakhero Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Edited title supposed to be "Outside Advice winning her back" My situation I have been dating my ex for 2 years we have been living together for the past 6 months and everything was great. We never fought never had any problems in those 2 years. 3 weeks ago she cheated on me got drunk at her job and made out with a co-worker and didnt come home or call. She told me this and said she wanted to work it out. but then for the next few weeks she spent 9/14 nights at her "girlfriends" I followed her one night and she was staying at his house she said nothing sexual happend but I doubt that is the truth. I kicked her out and decided I could forgive her as I have cheated in previous relationships and I understand how it can happen. After about a week apart she came to me and said she wanted to get back together and quit her job because she didnt wanna get drunk every night and so neither of us have to deal with the situation with the other guy. We spent 1 great day together and then she goes to work and and calls after her shift to say shes hanging out and drinking with friends but Jon isnt there instead of coming home again to me so I freaked out and yelled at her. She called me later that night to dump me and has now moved most of her stuff out and is coming for the rest of her stuff tomorrow. She is using me yelling at her to break up with me but i think there is more to the situation and people at her job with his interest are persuading her actions. I also think she has a hard time saying no to hanging out and drinking with them and it definatly seems more exciting than coming home to me every night for movies or for us to go out. Now I want her back and have started NC to give her space and think about what she wants out of life. I know she is currently staying at the other guys house every night since she is staying out towards her job and i still have our bed. My intentions are to get back together with her and I been looking for advice and i know i will get a lot of she cheated on you she is dating someone else move on but I truly love her and I know she loves me. but she is having fun and has something new and exciting going on in her life. I guess I am looking for solid advice on how to win her back more than NC, if its ment to be she will come back. It seems like i should take a pro-active approach to getting her back not begging but just around to remind her of how good it was and how good of a guy I am. I feel if I do NC she will start dating this guy and replace me with himnot think about me or give thought to our relationship. I have started the healing process joined a gym, re-connected with old friends and am out having fun but with all this she is all that is on my mind and getting her back is all I can think of. Any advice from someone not within my life that doesnt like seeing me hurt would help. Also how am I to compete with her new night life make myself seem more appealing that that. Its just hard because i know if she just quit her job we would still be togeter but she went in and got persuaded to do otherwise. Ok I sound pathetic just looking for advice wall of txt end.
tuscansun Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Unfortunetly you're right. On this site youll get a lot of 'move on' and 'she's clearly not the one for you' blah blah blah. Obviously you're not dumb, you know what the situation is and I have to say kudos to you for having the maturity to just admit that, yeah you want her back. I'm in a very similar situation. I would just say wait until you can't. That's all you can do really, and if she does come back she will appreciate your sacrifice. However, if something good comes along for you I would definitely advise you to go after it and not just wait around on her. Clearly she's doing what she feels is in her best interest, so you need to have the courage to do what's in yours Hope that helps. Lemme know how it's going.
mark982 Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 while i do feel that you're hurting, the best thing you can do is keep your distance.she's shown that she doesn't care for you, or your feelings. while you may wish to get back together, can you really put up with this kink of relationship? if it's not him it will just be someone else.re-connecting with friends and the gym are two great ways to start the healing process.
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