deejaylove Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Hi! First-timer here... hoping you guys can help. Two months ago, I broke up with my live-in boyfriend of five years because he was having an emotional affair that was about to become physical. He has moved out but has made it clear he wants us to work things out. I really wanted to also and we have been taking steps to work on ourselves and giving each other space. It's a much longer story than that, really, but trying to keep concise... Anyway, a really cute guy asked me out the other day and I agreed. My ex called me yesterday to ask me to go out with him last night and I told him I couldn't because I had a date. That was one of the rules of our separation: total honesty. But I wish I hadn't told him. Here's why: After my date and I went to dinner, we came back to my house and started kissing on the couch. He stopped and said "I think there's someone outside your window". I opened the front door and looked. Sure enough, the ex was hiding in the bushes looking through my window. I walked outside and closed the door to minimize drama. I yell-whispered to my ex that he had to leave and if he didn't, I was going to call the cops. My date handled it really well, just giving me a hug when I walked back in the house. My question is: how should I handle this? I really like the guy I went out with and he likes me too. We have another date in a few days, but I'm afraid of my ex's control issues... Thanks in advance
spookie Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 That's very creepy. If I were you, I'd do whatever it takes to cut the ex out of my life. As for the other guy... there's not much you can do to convince him you're not insane if he already thinks so. But he probably doesn't.
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Lose the ex and get a restraining order.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 OMG. What a creep! I would think that behavior would be enough to be a deal-breaker as far as working things out with your ex. Tell him you're not working anything out with him again and goodbye - if he shows up at your house again like that, you'll call the cops. In his case, I think you have to be pretty firm.
Author deejaylove Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 Yeah... you guys are probably right Sucks...
DavidH Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 honestly, I don't know what it matters that he was hiding out in your bushes. Sure, kinda strange... but did he really like you? was he really upset that you went out on another date with some guy? If he lived close by... and had nothing to do that night... i guess why wouldnt he do that if he was curious? It was probably eating away at him. You told him to leave because he sucked at hiding, so obviously he wasnt a professional at this... and then he left. I guess what im saying... is yeah thats a terrible judgement he made. he probably feels terrible about it, and you probably think hes weird now. but if you really liked him, then it doesnt matter. You have to do what you want to do, and not what people on the internet consider creepy. then again, it sounds like you like this new guy alot more so who cares about old guy? You could just use the bushes incident as a way to completely throw him out.
Author deejaylove Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 honestly, I don't know what it matters that he was hiding out in your bushes. Sure, kinda strange... but did he really like you? was he really upset that you went out on another date with some guy? If he lived close by... and had nothing to do that night... i guess why wouldnt he do that if he was curious? It was probably eating away at him. You told him to leave because he sucked at hiding, so obviously he wasnt a professional at this... and then he left. I guess what im saying... is yeah thats a terrible judgement he made. he probably feels terrible about it, and you probably think hes weird now. but if you really liked him, then it doesnt matter. You have to do what you want to do, and not what people on the internet consider creepy. then again, it sounds like you like this new guy alot more so who cares about old guy? You could just use the bushes incident as a way to completely throw him out. Well, I am in love with my ex... we were together for a long time, but he betrayed me. I definitely don't like the new guy more. We've only had one date! I do, however, like him a lot.
DavidH Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 why dont you just ask your ex out and let him/tell him to explain all his crap to you... if you don't like what he has to say, then decide. hard? don't 'love' someone just because they're comfortable/familiar though, .02
mark982 Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 call police, get a restraining order. guys a fruit cake.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 honestly, I don't know what it matters that he was hiding out in your bushes. Sure, kinda strange... but did he really like you? was he really upset that you went out on another date with some guy? If he lived close by... and had nothing to do that night... i guess why wouldnt he do that if he was curious? It was probably eating away at him. You told him to leave because he sucked at hiding, so obviously he wasnt a professional at this... and then he left. I guess what im saying... is yeah thats a terrible judgement he made. he probably feels terrible about it, and you probably think hes weird now. but if you really liked him, then it doesnt matter. You have to do what you want to do, and not what people on the internet consider creepy. then again, it sounds like you like this new guy alot more so who cares about old guy? You could just use the bushes incident as a way to completely throw him out. Are you freaking kidding me? What this guy did was NOT healthy behavior - it doesn't matter how you slice it. "I'm bored, so how about I go over to my ex's house and peep through his windows. He said he had a date, I'm curious." HELLO? It's controlling and a serious invasion of privacy. But there is one thing bothering me about several of the responses, here. People, restraining orders are not handed out willy-nilly. There has to be a credible threat to her personal safety. I don't feel she has that and I can guarantee that no judge would feel she has that. He hasn't made any threatening gestures whatsoever. But the fact that he thinks it's okay to watch you through your windows while you're on a date with another guy tells me he's not healthy enough for a relationship. There's no way I'd want a relationship with that kind of person.
SYL Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 That's the beginning signs of stalking behaviour which can escalate quickly. Don't want to alarm you but, please, take all precautions -- keep your cel phone on you and charged at all times. Email a few people so that they have a background on the situation. Go into the police station and ask a few questions. In today's world, it's always best to safeguard yourself when a situation turns from good to bad. My ex husband (married ten yrs) tried to break into my house, used my young daughter as his accomplice, and also broke into my mailbox to retrieve (steal) my mail!! I speak from experience... Please take care.
Author deejaylove Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Thanks all for your insight... I'm not ready to go after a restraining order. Seems a little extreme right now. However, I will stay on guard. I can't really get off my guard right now anyway... I kind of expect him to be lurking around the corner. Kinda sucks, but I can't move unless there's a real threat. I guess we'll see what happens. Thanks again.
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