lpz Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Hello everyone Let me just start by saying hi and that I've been reading for months on here, and just decided to post. I have been going through a very rough time and don't know if I can deal with it any more. A little background information.. I have been with my g\f for a little over 10 years now. (you'll see why it's only stayed gf/bf in a minute). We have a child together. We got together in 98, but had known each other for almost two years at that time. Things were going well, and then she started college in 99. She met a guy there and told me she wanted to take a break, but we weren't broken up. She turned around and told everyone in her classes she was single, etc. Long story short here, she kissed a guy. She told me it was a mistake and kissed my ass for a long time. Later on in the end of 99 she was always hanging out with a mutual friend while I was at work. She always said he disgusted her and he was a 'fat slob'. Well him and I got into a fight, and he told me he slept with her. She swears up and down to this day she never did, and never would and that he disgusts her. She even offered to take a polygraph. In 2000 is when she was pregnant, 2001 we had our child. Everything was fine until about 2004. In 2004 she started playing an online game. She flirted with every single guy she came in contact with. I am very aprehensive about her giving out her number (she was still living at home with her dad at this time (another long story)) so I asked her not to. She did anyway. She had a LOT of guys calling her constantly. She was posting on public forums about how obsessed she is with one guy, and she wishes she could see him etc. This continued on through the end of 2004. I found out about it and she said it was just a joke, a way to escape reality. I was still pissed off because she was talking to other guys in a way she shouldn't have. In 2005 we both decided to play an online game together. She started acting weird again, but in a different way. She stopped playing for the most part, and was always outside when it was hot as hell out. I had a feeling her ex was in the picture. One time we didn't have our child for the weekend and we had planned to get a hotel room and spend the day/night with each other. I called her in that morning, she wasn't there. I had a bad feeling about an ex coming around still for some reason. Her brother said she hadn't been there since 8am at least. Well 5pm comes and she calls me. She tells me she just woke up. I told her she was lying, and her brother checked for her twice. She called me a liar, an asked him. He told her yeah he did tell me that. Then she said she was 'walking railroad tracks trying to clear her head'. I smell BS. We ended up 'taking a break' shortly after. We broke up she says, but we were still seeing each other regularly, and would kiss. No sex. December 05 we are fully back together and start having sex again. Something felt different. I was just happy she was back. June of 2006 I found out she was having an EA with a guy on this online game. At least one. The guy told her he didn't like her like that and she was just entertaining. "She was so upset she had to call another guy she flirted with to calm her down". We stayed together kind of... this is where my life starts to go downhill fast... A few months down the road I lose 95% of my family from cancer all within months of each other. My last aunt/uncle, both of my parents, my cousin, even my dog... Then I get hit with a law suit from someone in my family (a long story they had no case). This spread until January of 07 when my father died. I get an Email telling me about it. Nobody could even call. I still haven't sat down and delt with any of this. So much stuff happened in such a short period of time all I've decided to do is bury it deep down and not think about it. Otherwise I'd probably have a breakdown.. again.. (coming soon). Anyway a month after I lost my dad is when I find out about my g\f and her new endevor. I had been having bad feelings about this one guy. It was my childs friends uncle. He was low life scum. No job, no place to stay (leeching off his sister/her husband), no car, no license, etc. He started hanging out over there. I told her I wasn't comfortable with that and it needs to stop before I flip out and whoop his ass. It never stopped. One night I came home with an insane migrain. I told her I was going to take a nap and to call and wake me up in an hour. She said ok. In that hour I had some very vivid dreams of what was going on. I woke up, and she was taking my childs friend back home which was right down the street. I decided to do some investigating about my dreams. Well I found emails from her, to him, and vice-versa. Her saying "Hey love come to me, same time tonight, don't be late" and things like that. She got home and called me, and I just totally lost it. She said she would call me right back. She called him to tell him not to come over that night. I don't remember much of the rest of it, just know that I blew up the valentine's day present she just got me. (I put a 1/4 stick in it's head after I cut a hole in it). She was scared. She never seen me flip out like this. Years of pent up anger and rage finally coming out. I finally got the truth out of her from back in 05 as well. She was with her ex, sleeping with him, and even had my daughter sleep on the couch while she was having sex. She told me she even went to his apartment once. Which is when I think the 'walking on railroad tracks' thing happened. It would fit the timeline of her not being there. To get to the point... I decided to give her one last chance after all of this crap she put me through, but with very specific conditions. She had to quit smoking (after losing my family to cancer I wasn't going to put up with it. If she didn't like it, there's the door) She had to go into counceling. She did.. for like two months then stopped because he wanted to talk about things she didn't... She had to help me around my house. (She was going to move in. All of this was for my childs sake and I told her that. My child deserved a family and that's all I've ever wanted). There was to be no contact with any of these people, and if she even slipped up even a tiny bit, she's out the door. Well now it's two years afterwards and I am still furious. I have dreams of killing these people, I feel pure rage, no love at all in me anymore. I refuse to let anyone, especially her, get close to me. She doesn't do anything. I work, I clean, I do my own laundry, I cook 90% of my meals, etc. She does nothing around the house, no yard work, nothing. She still lies to me about the 'rail road tracks' and it's pissing me off more. There's no way anyone would walk down a damn rail road for nine hours, with no water/food and they're broke. I just don't know if I can take it anymore. Sometimes things go ok with us for a long time, then I think about all this **** she has put me through.. I'm thinking about giving her one chance to come out with the truth, or maybe even pay to have a polygraph done. If she agrees, I tell her if she lies on anything she is out the door, no questions asked, no talking about it. I am so confused and so hurt still I don't even know what to do. I feel empty inside. I have nobody to turn to, I have nobody to help me, and all of my feelings inside just turn to hate instantly to just about anyone I meet. Anyone ever go through something like this or have any advice? It would be much appreciated.
noone Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, especially of your family and dog. I think you should have sought counseling a long time ago. I know it's easy for me to say but let her go. You don't want a mother like that around your child. No polygraph, no truth. They are not important anymore. You need to seek help for your anger and your grief. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.
Peter_pan Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 f'ing hell. if i was in your shoes i would get myself and my daughter the hell away from her and all those people asap. she is NO good for you. DO NOT put up with this BS any more. please for the love of the heavens, just get off this nightmare ride your stuck on. trust me i was with a girl that was no good. once i got out of it im so glad i did.
sedgwick Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 It sounds like she has problems that are way beyond your scope. When I read this, she comes off as someone with serious issues -- issues I'm sure existed before you came along. Your daughter is seeing you pull away from love and affection -- what is that doing to her? I agree with Peter Pan above, totally and completely. If this woman needs that much attention from that many different people, you'll NEVER be able to give her enough, and that is not your fault. If this relationship is making you feel closed down and angry all the time, why stay? Really, why put yourself through that? Is she worth letting her kill off your emotions?
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