Peter_pan Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 ok so i am on my own and lonely so probably wont help with all the thoughts etc. Thing is I still think about my ex, random dreams, and I do miss her, or the connection we had. either way i miss it and i am not like my other mates who can just go out and find a new girl straight off. I saw her at xmass for first time since we split. it was messy to be honest. she tried to just brush me off and go dance with her friends after 2 mins of just saying hey. after 20 minutes of "catching up" chit chat bs, she said she had heard i was happy and doing well, so I had a go at her for how badly she hurt me and told her i was happy but not with what and how she did what she did to me, i guess it all came out, all my hurt and anger for all that year of no answers no txts or calls from her and living in hope that she would come back. i told her it was nasty how she left me for someone she knew for 3 weeks, when i had stuck by her side for 3 years. she got upset and ran off to the toilets. and left the club after speaking to her bf. on some level i believe she still has something for me or always will. like she said in her letter. she just wants me to be happy and live life. of course this would have been less painful if she didn't tell me she was seeing someone new and it was nothing serious. maybe if i hadnt moved away and stuck in there she would have had her moment of madness and came back to me. i was messed up in the head, depression and ocd and so needed to better myself. it was hard on her and hard on me. yet she had stuck by me for our 3 year relationship. the rejection i felt was unbearable and i just couldnt keep talking to her knowing she was starting something with this guy she met at a night club she worked at and now i feel sad for having a go at her. i never wanted to hurt her or things to be this way between us. but with her and him together i guess it was always going to be impossible to be friends etc. i went into nc hoping she would come back and basically lost the love of my life. she is now living with him in her own house she bought extremely happy by the sounds of it. all the while ive never been truly happy since she has been gone. yeah ive had good times and new memories with mates, but i do miss her i dont connect to many people on a spiritual level or what ever the word is I wish things could have been different. i emailed to her address one night when i was drunk, i said is this still your email. next day had forgot i sent it and her bf the one she went off with straight away, emailed back the next evening. i read the first line that said yeah it is mate. but then i just deleted the rest as it would only be bad or probably start something and i couldn't bring myself to reading it. id hoped that she would reply and maybe start talking again. she obviously hates me. i really cant believe i would be THIS hung up about any girl ever. even whilst with her sometimes i just wanted to be single and be me, do my own thing. but when i look back i had such great times with her and just being in her presence was really nice. sorry for the sob story. i know people are going through worse than me and its been over a year for me so i shouldnt be saying or even looking back in the past now. i just feel like crying. or speaking to her like i used to a long time ago sorry again. this is another "weak moment" and the dreams where you wake up and youve been crying in your sleep dont help peace
alwayssme Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 hey babes...okay its been over a year, you still miss her...you're human & you loved her...we all heal differently whatever...no "shame" in missing someone after a long time....not to mention i dont think a year is such a long time for someone you love and were with for so long...the only bad thing about it is that it hurts and obviously nobody wants to live in pain... I honestly wish I had some advice to give you...But when it comes to matters of the heart there isnt much to say....I mean me and my ex have been broken up for 6 months and a half now...I'm not going to lie and say I'm over him...i dont feel pathetic, it just sucks cause it hurts... =/ But I have hope & faith....that somehow it will get much better...i dont like being single either, it sucks but im blessed with a great gropu of friends and family....and i trust in God. I know what you mean about not being able to connect with someone in such a deep level....I have a question...do you think talking to her would help?
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