It hurts so bad....

[Juno]

It abruptly ended last month. He won't accept my calls, reply to texts. A few days before it ended he told me how much he loved me. I'm confused and devastated. Only if he would talk to me, but he won't no matter how hard I try.

 

Last night was the breaking point for me. My pain, turned to hate and self pity. I texted him and told him I was taking sleeping pills and he could be rid of me and I could be rid of him. The pain was just too unbearable. I did take sleeping pills....alot. I just didn't want to feel anything anymore.

 

Of course this was a cry out for help, but amazingly he still didn't answer, and doesn't care. No response....imagine if I was successful.

 

It being valentine's day, and so terribly heartbroken, I'm not sure what is in store for me or how I will cope.

 

How can someone be so cold, callus and unaffected to someone they professed their love to.

 

I have to stop writing now as I can't see the keyboard or monitor thru my tears.

[Ronni_W]

How can someone be so cold, callus and unaffected to someone they professed their love to.

Hugs. It is difficult to figure out but it's true that emotions can change so fast that they leave us reeling.

 

As to why he didn't respond to your text from last night, perhaps he just realizes that he does not have the right to interfere with your right to self-determination?

 

I do hope that you are feeling stronger today. If not, could I encourage you to seek the proper, professional support that you need and deserve.

 

Sending Courage and Comfort.

[Juno]

Hugs. It is difficult to figure out but it's true that emotions can change so fast that they leave us reeling.

 

As to why he didn't respond to your text from last night, perhaps he just realizes that he does not have the right to interfere with your right to self-determination?

 

I do hope that you are feeling stronger today. If not, could I encourage you to seek the proper, professional support that you need and deserve.

 

Sending Courage and Comfort.

 

What does the bold mean?

Not feeling stronger today....have reached my lowest point since we broke-up. The only thing that will ease my pain is to talk to him. Beyond that I'm not sure how to cope.

 

Thanks for the hug

[Ronni_W]

What does the bold mean?

That YOU are the ultimate authority over (the author of) all your own actions, thoughts, decisions, etc. -- you have the right to 'determine' your own path. And maybe your ex was just respecting that.

 

Sorry that your strength has not yet returned. I understand that it feels as if you "need" him, to feel better. I would guess, though, that maybe you're not giving yourself enough credit, and kind of overlooking your positive qualities and ability to nurture yourself? (Which is easy to do when we're feeling down.)

 

For many people who have recently broken up, today being Valentine's Day could well add to their feelings of sadness and grief.

OTOH, it is also just another day, isn't it? I mean, that's another way of looking at it. You could spend the day reading, or watching movies, or hanging out with friends...or imagining how your life would change if you won ten million dollars . Which country would you visit first? And why that one?

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this. The best I can offer is to try to hold onto thoughts that help you to feel better (even if that's just a tiny-iota-fraction better), and do your best to let go of the ones that make you feel crappier.

 

I hope you'll be feeling up to your usual strong self soon! I have confidence in your own power and abilities to do that but, of course, my confidence in you means nothing until YOU connect with your own power and confidence in your self. Which you CAN do, I'm thinking.

[Juno]

That YOU are the ultimate authority over (the author of) all your own actions, thoughts, decisions, etc. -- you have the right to 'determine' your own path. And maybe your ex was just respecting that.

 

Sorry that your strength has not yet returned. I understand that it feels as if you "need" him, to feel better. I would guess, though, that maybe you're not giving yourself enough credit, and kind of overlooking your positive qualities and ability to nurture yourself? (Which is easy to do when we're feeling down.)

 

For many people who have recently broken up, today being Valentine's Day could well add to their feelings of sadness and grief.

OTOH, it is also just another day, isn't it? I mean, that's another way of looking at it. You could spend the day reading, or watching movies, or hanging out with friends...or imagining how your life would change if you won ten million dollars . Which country would you visit first? And why that one?

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this. The best I can offer is to try to hold onto thoughts that help you to feel better (even if that's just a tiny-iota-fraction better), and do your best to let go of the ones that make you feel crappier.

 

I hope you'll be feeling up to your usual strong self soon! I have confidence in your own power and abilities to do that but, of course, my confidence in you means nothing until YOU connect with your own power and confidence in your self. Which you CAN do, I'm thinking.

 

Thanks again. I am trying to feel better, but it seems my world in caving in on me.

 

In May I was laid off from my job of 10 years. I have not been able to find work since. I can bearly meet my expenses on unemployment, so I had to file for BK. Now my credit sucks. The last positive thing I had in my life was my relationship with my BF...I've lost that too.

 

I have no health insurance due to my job lost, so I can not seek professional help to deal my my problems. I have no money to pay for it either. I just want my best friend back (BF).

 

It's too much to deal with. I am hurting beyond belief. Everytime my phone rings or beeps with a text, I'm hoping it's from him. Nothing, not a word since the beginning of the year. Appears his New Years resolution was to be done with me.

 

I'm struggling with each minute/second that passes. I have exhausted every option to reach out to him and open up the lines of communication.

What to do what to do?????

[redmelon]

You need to focus on YOU. Your self worth as a person does not rely on the validation of someone else. Everything WILL NOT be better if you talk to him, it will probably make you feel better for a bit, but then subside into feeling even worse. Today you should get yourself out of bed, take a hot shower or bath, eat something good for you, talk to your closest friends and tell them you are going to be needing their support. Distract yourself by coming on here and reading what other people are going through. Take from their triumphs, and their failures. Make a plan for yourself for the coming week. I know you think you are at the bottom of a hole right now, but I promise you, continuing to reach out to someone who isn't responding is NOT going to help you. No contact, no checking on his wall. Focus on you - that's all you can control right now. I wish you the best, and hope to hear of your progress through this dark time. You are not alone, remember that!

[Ronni_W]

Well, really. Even though you're not totally in touch with YOUR strengths and positive qualities right now, they're still there...kind of hiding somewhere in the background, is all. Which makes YOU the positive thing in your life...even when everything around you seems to be going all sideways and backwards.

 

I have no health insurance due to my job lost, so I can not seek professional help to deal my my problems. I have no money to pay for it either.

You could try the library. "How To Survive The Loss Of A Love" by Colgrove, Bloomfield and McWilliams, has a huge number of 5-star reviews at amazon.com (where it's listed in stock, for $8.)

There's also a fairly extensive, FREE overview of the book at http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm

 

You may also be able to receive grief/loss counseling through a faith-based organization (church, mosque, sanctuary, temple, etc.) or through local community services.

 

Finally, depending on where you live, psychotherapists-in-training usually must complete internships (same as doctors), and sessions with them are often free or low-cost. Google "psychotherapy training"+[your city], or contact the psychology department at any local university. Ask if their graduating students offer internship sessions at reduced fees.

 

 

Your call from last night did not work to influence him to contact you, and that is your clear indication that NOTHING will.

As you say, continuing futile efforts to contact him is just depleting and exhausting you, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Your wise and self-nurturing act would be to go 100% 'no contact'. That is for your own, long-term health and well-being. It is that you do need to take care of your own best interests in every single way that you can.

 

Hopefully one (or more) of those resources will help you get through this, and add to your current arsenal of healthy coping skills . Good luck!

[Juno]

You need to focus on YOU. Your self worth as a person does not rely on the validation of someone else. Everything WILL NOT be better if you talk to him, it will probably make you feel better for a bit, but then subside into feeling even worse. Today you should get yourself out of bed, take a hot shower or bath, eat something good for you, talk to your closest friends and tell them you are going to be needing their support. Distract yourself by coming on here and reading what other people are going through. Take from their triumphs, and their failures. Make a plan for yourself for the coming week. I know you think you are at the bottom of a hole right now, but I promise you, continuing to reach out to someone who isn't responding is NOT going to help you. No contact, no checking on his wall. Focus on you - that's all you can control right now. I wish you the best, and hope to hear of your progress through this dark time. You are not alone, remember that!

 

Thank you. I will try to motivate myself and take your suggestion of getting out of bed and showering:) That seems to be as much as I am able to do...maybe.

 

What is so confusing is the no explaination on his part. He could have told me he met someone else...I could accept that more than this silence. Or if he said he couldn't deal with me while I was going through my job lost situation. That would be understandable too. But to tell me you love me and want to spend more time with me, then 2 days later disappear without offering a reason.

 

I have few friends, and the ones I have are sick and tired of me talking about him. I am immobile. This by far is the hardest breakup of my entire life.

 

What would cause a person not to respond to a telephone call or text msg?

[redmelon]

Maybe NC is what he needs to do for himself to move forward. Maybe he simply doesn't want to talk to you. There is no way to know what's going through his head and it simply doesn't matter. Just deal with what you know, and what you know is that he isn't responding. So, you need to stop contacting him. Period. As hard as it is, try to take a little time to think about yourself. There have got to be some awesome daydreams in your head about where life could take you that don't involve him. Get carried away with those. Paint your toenails, take a nap (no pills), set some goals for the coming week. Talk to your friends, I am sure they just want you to be happy and are feeling hopeless to help you. Put together a reasonable plan and get them involved. Even if its just planning to take a walk around your neighborhood on Tuesday afternoon, invite a friend along to join you. I know right now you need to move slowly and with baby steps, but setting goals for yourself will distract your mind, and give you something to look forward to, a challenge.

[Juno]

It only hurts when I am awake. I think I will sleep thru this Valentine's Day.

[redmelon]

Do what you need to do, but escaping only prolongs the agony, it doesn't make it disappear. Be kind to yourself today. Breathe, and remember that you CAN get through this.

[DSM-IV Tom]

This is insanity. Please realize that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem. The pain will subside as the days pass, but suicide will end everything you've ever seen, heard, felt, etc. and will destroy so many people who know you. It will affect more people than you are even REMEMBERING right now, so you tell me, is this guy worth the pain of so many who care?

 

Listen, I'll be here for you. Everyone here will be. Suicide over a relationship is so emo and weak minded and cliche, though. You have to beat that stage.

[Juno]

This is insanity. Please realize that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem. The pain will subside as the days pass, but suicide will end everything you've ever seen, heard, felt, etc. and will destroy so many people who know you. It will affect more people than you are even REMEMBERING right now, so you tell me, is this guy worth the pain of so many who care?

 

Listen, I'll be here for you. Everyone here will be. Suicide over a relationship is so emo and weak minded and cliche, though. You have to beat that stage.

 

Yes the "S" word is so permanent. I now understand how so many people are able to go that path. If they are like me, they just want the pain to stop. Not necessarily to be happy or feel happiness again...that would be asking for too much. Just make the hurt go away. Not to think and obsess about things you have no control over.

 

Just seeking a numness, still, quiet and yes to hurt the one who has hurt me.

 

Oh yeah and btw...the pain has not subsided with each passing day, it has only intensified.

[eclipseIDE]

This is insanity. Please realize that suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem. The pain will subside as the days pass, but suicide will end everything you've ever seen, heard, felt, etc. and will destroy so many people who know you. It will affect more people than you are even REMEMBERING right now, so you tell me, is this guy worth the pain of so many who care?

 

Listen, I'll be here for you. Everyone here will be. Suicide over a relationship is so emo and weak minded and cliche, though. You have to beat that stage.

 

 

No offense but this is such a cliched response. Please dont use this as a suicide deterrent

[eclipseIDE]

Yes the "S" word is so permanent. I now understand how so many people are able to go that path. If they are like me, they just want the pain to stop. Not necessarily to be happy or feel happiness again...that would be asking for too much. Just make the hurt go away. Not to think and obsess about things you have no control over.

 

Just seeking a numness, still, quiet and yes to hurt the one who has hurt me.

 

Oh yeah and btw...the pain has not subsided with each passing day, it has only intensified.

 

 

 

Juno

I know exactly what youre going through. My ex left me 3 years ago after 10 years and I lost my job and have been unemployed for over a year now. I havent been the same since.

 

My best advice to you is to tell your friends you need them to listen to you even though youre annoying them. Tell them you need their help.

 

This sounds cliched but force yourself to go out and do things. I joined a soccer league and I swear to god this saved my life. I was able to feel good about myself because I was losing weight/getting in shape and meeting new people.

 

So think of something you enjoy and force yourself to do it.

 

Time does help too. While Im still deeply sad I can function most of the time these days.

[Juno]

Juno

I know exactly what youre going through. My ex left me 3 years ago after 10 years and I lost my job and have been unemployed for over a year now. I havent been the same since.

 

My best advice to you is to tell your friends you need them to listen to you even though youre annoying them. Tell them you need their help.

 

This sounds cliched but force yourself to go out and do things. I joined a soccer league and I swear to god this saved my life. I was able to feel good about myself because I was losing weight/getting in shape and meeting new people.

 

So think of something you enjoy and force yourself to do it.

 

Time does help too. While Im still deeply sad I can function most of the time these days.

 

 

Thanks so much for your post.

 

While I know I need to go out and enjoy the things I luv to do, I find it to be an impossible task as I am trying to cope minute by minute.

 

I have few friends, and some have text me throughout the day to check in on me. I however can not continue to burden them with my heartache.

 

I have reached out the one person, the only person I care to talk to, and still no contact.

 

I never made it out of my bed as I stated I would. Instead I am hold-up in my room, in the dark, no tv with the window open slightly. Just enough to hear the world racing by outside. The sounds lulls me into stillness.

 

Tried to sleep this feeling off today, but the sleeping pills have lost their affectiveness. Instead I lye in my bed like a zombie (the living dead).

 

This depression over the lost of my bf compares to no other I have experienced in my life. Paralyzed am I. Unable to move and or to think beyond the current moment.

 

I just want to sleep and wake anew. I can not trust myself to keep from to contacting him, saying anthing to get him to respond and self medicating to address the pain.

 

It's exhausting doing nothing.

 

I rambling, so I'll stop.

 

Just want to say again thanks for your thoughtful post.