so_lost Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Im new here... i just don't know where to go and i can not keep bothering my friends and family. i'm sure they are tired of my problems. My story is... i was in a relationship with my ex for about 3 years. we dated on valentine's day of 2006. Today would be our 3 years. Things seems to be going fine.. all relationships go through ups and downs. Nothing too big that we can't sovle. our last month, with finals and work, stress did get in the way and our relationship was a little unstable. He broke up with me a month and a half ago. He didnt really give me a reasons why. He just told me to move on because he didnt want to hold me back since i'm gonna go to medical school soon. Just like that its over. Of course with emotions running high, i called, texted, long emails for 2 days. He totally ignored me. 5 days later he wrote me back, i guess he was annoyed by me by then, so he wrote down everything that was bad about me from the first day we dated. i left him alone. Then 2 weeks later i ran into him on the street, he said he need some time to see how he feels about me, and for him to do that i have to completely give up. he told me just let the future decides bc we will always be friends. He wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side since im the only one he dated. since then i have not contacted him, its been a lil more than 3 weeks now. I dont want to lose him, i love him so much, and i am sooo hurt.. Do "absence really makes the heart grow fonder" or "is it out of sight out of mind". i dont know if he even miss me or think about me. Today is our supposely 3 years anniversity, i feel so alone and hurt. all my freinds and siblings have dates and all. The worst part is, i think he might be dating someone or talking to some girl now. she is writing all the love stuff on his wall and say how their firsl valentines will be so sweet. i know im not suppose to check up on him, but i cant hold myself back. This NC is driving me crazy. How could he move on so fast, he;s my first love and im his. We did everything together for the first time, and we knew everything about each other that no one knows. I lost my bestfriend. Nothing means anything to him anymore? I have tried to work on myself, got a new hair cut, went out with friends, go on dates, work on my emotions, and looked at all the pro and cons in our relationship. what need to be change and ect. But today i just broke down, bc i think my chances with him is dead now. And each day is getting harder and harder for me. What should i Do? should i continue with the NC and give him all the space, or should i contact him b4 his new relationship gets serious? He told me to hold onto his stuff. (He told me to use them as if he is there to aid me thru with school and he'll get them later). Should i wait till he call me or should i give it another month and call him? Im soooo lost!!! I love him so much, can it be true love if he move on this fast? Please help! i know ppl tell me to move on, but i still want to hold onto hope bc you can not just give up on love right? what are the chances of us getting back together?
Ronni_W Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 work on myself, got a new hair cut, went out with friends, go on dates, work on my emotions, and looked at all the pro and cons in our relationship. what need to be change and ect. But today i just broke down, bc i think my chances with him is dead now. Hugs. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I think your intuition is accurate - the chance of you guys getting back together is slim to zero. From that perspective, your wisest move would be to stay N/C. It's not that you would be "giving up on love". It is that you would be giving up on false hope by accepting that the relationship is over. Once your mind accepts that, it can begin the healing/recovery process. All the self-growth and changes you've been making are steps in a positive direction. Additionally, try to interrupt any thoughts that may come up, about him. Whatever they are, stay as aware as you can and, when you notice them, just do your best to think about something else...anything else. Like, when you find yourself wondering about whether he thinks of you or misses you -- those are futile thoughts, and irrelevant to your own healing. It just doesn't matter what is going through HIS mind...you still have to do the work to recover from the break-up and move forward. It may feel difficult to stay N/C and to not check up on him but, if you make the commitments to yourself, you'll be strengthening your own will power and, with a bit of time and effort, it will become MUCH easier to not give in to any impulses to contact or check on him. In truth, today is NOT your anniversary. From now on, it is just the date on which you met him. It WOULD HAVE BEEN your anniversary if you were still together. But you're not, so it isn't. I know it can feel brutal but it is your reality, so may as well accept it for what it is. In the long run, denial of what's what will only hurt YOU. Some people misguidedly use a new relationship to get over an old one. But even if the new girl is NOT a rebound, that does not mean that he did not love you during your relationship. It just means that his love for you has faded, likely due to his own maturing process and changing needs and goals. It does NOT mean there is anything "bad" or "flawed" about you. Break-ups suck, and the first one is especially difficult. Be gentle with yourself by holding positive thoughts of the happy future that you want to create for yourself, and stick with your wise decisions to focus on your own emotional awareness and make the changes that you want to make for yourself. More hugs, and good luck.
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