colosseum Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 2 weeks ago: Met girl at salsa dancing: really cute, cheery disposition, and we hit it off. Asked for her number, but she said she'll see me later. 1 week ago: Met again by chance at same place. I was getting all the right signals: eye contact, physical contact, leaning in, smiling, laughing, all of it. I liked her, she liked me. Then, I asked her out to a lunch, and she said she's dating someone (i.e. is involved). I replied that it's just lunch and that "I just want to get to know you better." She would have to think about it. I dropped it in my mind. Tonight: I went dancing again, not for her but because lots of pretty women come out to these weekly dances. She was there, and I played her off by dancing with everyone but her. She left the dance with whom I think was her boy, then came back without him. She approached me and started talking, and tonight, like the other nights, she was giving me these signals. She asked me to dance with her and all that jazz. I danced with her, smiled, and couldn't help but play along (for better or for worse). NOTE: I danced with all kinds of ladies, I'm single, and my radar is on for all kinds of signs of life. By dancing with all kinds of ladies and smiling and laughing with them too I think I let her know that yeah I like her, but she's not my life (being desperate is gross). ISSUE: The ball is in her court; she hasn't gotten back to me about lunch. Do I press the issue and potentially risking 1. being too quick 2. looking like a desperate dude who wants her OR do I play her off, play "hard to get" and make her chase me, potentially losing her? I'll welcome flirting/affection if it's genuine and from a cute girl, but I don't want to be toyed with. I know this isn't the ideal situation for either the girl or myself, but folks, let's face it; even the crappiest soap operas are based on real life stories. GENTLEMEN: Do I wait for her or drop her? Suggestions? LADIES: If you were in a relationship but there is this really cute guy (presumably) whose company you really enjoy, what would you want that guy to do? Or rather, what the hell are you thinking? THANK YOU!
Island Girl Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 You can't really drop her because you don't have her. But she has a boy so now that she knows you are interested (and she DOES know believe me) put her on the back burner. Meaning don't pursue her. Talk with her if she makes the effort but try not to waste your time. You can always say, "still got that boyfriend?" And if she says yes then just say, "if the situation changes you'll have to let me know - I hope I'm still available." And then she'll know if she doesn't already that you would be into it if she didn't have her SO. You should be looking for another girl to occupy you thoughts. BTW she came back in, chatted you up, and asked you to dance because even though she is taken she still loves the attention. We all do.
Oliveman Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Well dating someone and having a boyfriend are two different things. Just semantics I guess but if she didn't use the word boyfriend that's the type of thing I'd notice. What should you do? Exactly what you've been doing. Continue going to the dances and dancing with everyone there. Go out to other places and meet other women. If she thinks that you're sitting around pining away for her, you'll make it comfortable for her to see where the thing with this other guy goes since she'll know she has you on the side. If you put yourself out there and just put her on the back burner while you test the waters, you'll give her a sense of urgency. The guy she's dating might be a total dumbass for all we know. Women want what they can't have. Make yourself a real challenge.
Charles1978 Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 First post, and it is about this girl... let's be honest here... you like her a whole lot. Drop the games and focus your attention on her. So far you haven't done that. That said, she has rejected you twice... once by not giving you her number, and twice by telling you she is dating someone. I would have moved on at that point. But you danced with her tonight... good. But what do you mean you couldn't help but play along for better or worse? I don't understand that. From an outsider's perspective, I think you've been reading too many of these websites that tell guys how to pick up women. I say this because you repeatedly mentioned other women, etc... smiling at them which is a bit different. Qualifying your every action as not being desperate. It makes you sound just that. But anyway, try your best not to overthink this. Just go for it if you want it. You have already.... it is certainly in her court. And I think she's already smacked the ball over the fence... I don't think she's interested. But you do have a good attitude. Move on.
Oliveman Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 The point of talking to other women isn't necessarily to play games, but to make him forget about her or at least keep him distracted so he isn't acting all crazy wondering why she isn't talking to him (not that he'd act crazy, but you know what I mean). Granted it will make her jealous and what not if she's interested in him, but that's not the primary goal here. If you want to play with fire like this (girl that's involved) then you have to be non outcome oriented and just have fun. That way whether you end up with her or not, you'll be happy in the end.
BikerBeagle Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 She knows you are interested in her - you've asked for her phone number and to lunch - so playing "hard to get" now is a bit too late. It's her game now, not yours ...and her game is called "I like attention", it's played under her terms and those terms are generally not negotiable. That's not altogether a bad thing since, in order to receive your attention, she'll give you attention ...if that's ok with you, then "play along" and enjoy it, but I would strongly suggest that you proceed with caution and guard your heart ...and, whatever you do, don't put all of your eggs into this one basket, continue meeting and dancing with other women ...I really can't see this going anywhere off the dance floor between the two of you.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 If she already told you "no," then there's your answer. Why is "no" not "no" when it comes from a woman? Just because she's giving you "signals." BS. She loves the attention from you - clearly. Keep doing what you're doing, but at this point, wait until she makes it obvious she's up for being pursued.
Author colosseum Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 Um, question: she's asking to be facebook friends now. Guess I'll just say "yes" but move on, right? Online interactions are so much weirder than personal ones. In any case, thanks everyone; will do as advised.
socialight Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 colo -- no freaking way do you put her on facebook. she is just some chick from salsa dance. Island girl is 100% correct. Ignore her, and then maybe in due time she will come around. Or, you may end up dodging a bullet. After all, who's to say that if she starts dating you she won't be flirting with other guys and getting on their facebooks?
Still Trying Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 OP, Some girls just CRAVE male attention. she's in a relationship, but it's not a healthy one, otherwise she wouldn't be flirting with you. This is a huge red flag if you're at all interested in anything but sex with her - guess what, she'd likely do the same to you when your time came. I've danced all night with girls before too, and I can tell you in all honesty it's not the best place to meet women. I think a lot of women want to be oogled on the dance floor but perhaps not approached. I've only been successful with this one time and it took much more effort than I cared for! (I was only looking for sex that night). Anyway the point is that she's toying with you a bit too much. If a girl says she has a BF but still flirts with someone else, I'd be turned off and go about my day. Again, remember that she'd do the same to you if given the chance... think about it. How would you feel if you were her boyfriend. Don't be that guy.
You'reasian Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 She knows you are interested in her - you've asked for her phone number and to lunch - so playing "hard to get" now is a bit too late. It's her game now, not yours ...and her game is called "I like attention", it's played under her terms and those terms are generally not negotiable. That's not altogether a bad thing since, in order to receive your attention, she'll give you attention ...if that's ok with you, then "play along" and enjoy it, but I would strongly suggest that you proceed with caution and guard your heart ...and, whatever you do, don't put all of your eggs into this one basket, continue meeting and dancing with other women ...I really can't see this going anywhere off the dance floor between the two of you. Hit the nail on the head. The dance floor is a place to give ladies lots of attention without this dynamic leaving the dance floor if you choose.
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