Haruka Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Last night I laid now beside my partner at his place. (We're partners, but live seperate houses). I gave a giggle over something I saw on tv, he went quiet and said in a serious tone. "I am thinking that I need someone more active in my life." This I was mortified. Well I did kind of had an irking that he was thinking I need to be active more but to actually hear him say it got me a bit frightened. Past two weeks when I visited (He isn't allowed at my place as he got into a fight with my mother.) the tension at his house is heavy. He does work at his place which includes fencing, feeding animals etc. I am not a real farming type, having never grew up around such places. The closet to farm animals I have ever been is when my father (a truck driver) took me and mom to deliever cows and sheep to slaughter houses. I am a sloth, although when I'm at his place I do wash up and he has given me a job of picking apples from the orchaid and feeding them to the horses. This next two weeks I am not going to be away from him so I'm thinking I will try to "grow-up" and get in to a more healthy active state. I am not sure if he was suggstioning the idea that he wants to break up or if he really wants me to help him around the farm? Cause this has been on my mind since last night.
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 he went quiet and said in a serious tone. "I am thinking that I need someone more active in my life." Come right out and ask him about it. Don't be passive and don't be afraid to open up. If you love this guy, then talk together and listen to one another so things can get better.
D-Lish Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 I think he needs to be more specific with you about what being more active means to him. That will obviously require another conversation. I'd ask him flat out what he is expecting. Does he want you to be more active on the farm?
Author Haruka Posted February 14, 2009 Author Posted February 14, 2009 I think he needs to be more specific with you about what being more active means to him. That will obviously require another conversation. I'd ask him flat out what he is expecting. Does he want you to be more active on the farm? I think he wants me to help out more. I am trying to loose weight, although my arms are pretty weak. So I don't like handling heavy things. However the other day I didn't pick apples cause it was raining and he said that night "The horses are pissed off cause they didn't get their apples." Of course it translates to "I'm pissed off at you cause you didn't bother doing anything."
D-Lish Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Do you think it's a weight complaint in disguise? Working on a farm is hard work- and production doesn't stop because it rains. If it were me, I would have been out there with my rain boots and coat. But I work outside- so weather isn't an issue for me. I guess it's safe to assume that if he is a farmer- he has a strong work ethic- he'd have to, it's hard work. I think you'll have to decide if this is the kind of life you want to engage in. Ideally, he's going to want to be long term with a partner that helps out. Thats got to be a priority for him- simply because his lifestyle demands it. Ideally- if you're looking to lose weight, engaging in physical work will trim you up. I am betting that if you are a "sloth" (your word;))... Dating a farmer isn't the best match. I think if you want to be with this guy, you're going to have to make more of an effort to shovel some hay and most likely some poop as well.
voldigicam Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Might be a hard ride in the end. We rural workaholics really prefer people who like to lend a hand without even thinking about it. Out here, if there's a tree across the road they'll soon be three guys and a middle aged mom getting it out of the way without even thinking about it. Usually laughing. Someone will pop over in a while and slice it up for firewood. In the city, people stand around waiting for someone else to do something. Different approach. Gets to be an oil and water thing. I've had that going on for years. My biggest internal conflict - couch potato wife and overworked me. She'd let the house fall down! Then she'll get the bug and start a big project, leave it 50% done and abandon it. Maybe you'd like just pulling harder once you got used to it. Be a go getter. It's fun. Maybe not. Worth trying.
RecordProducer Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I can't guess what this guy wants, but it seems like you think that he needs a woman who will work on his farm, if she is to be his wife. Do YOU want this? If he expects free labor from you before marriage, then his expectations are out of line. If you want to marry this guy and are ready to work on the farm, you might tell him exactly that: "If you and I end up married, I will gladly help you with the farm work." Your labor should NOT be a determining point as to whether he wants to marry you or not. Labor costs money. It'd be the same as if you told him "I need someone with more money in my life." If he is looking for a working horse, it sounds like you're not interested. You shouldn't view this issue as right vs. wrong - you should think about whether you want to be what he wants you to be or not. Because if you don't want to be a farmer, you can't be. You'd be miserable. Do you have a job? I have a very good friend who has a farming business, and his wife doesn't work on his farm; she is a nurse and he completely encourages her to have her own career and be independent.
Enema Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I don't think you can badger a partner into changing their personality. You're inactive and that's who you are. You might get active for a little while, maybe drop some weight, but forever? I don't think so. I think he wants (and needs) someone else entirely, not just a different you.
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