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It's Valentine's Day! Guess what I served my husband?

Naga Jolokia

By Naga Jolokia
in General Relationship Discussion

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Naga Jolokia Member

Naga Jolokia

Posted
Posted

Divorce papers!

 

Fraggin' idiot deserves it, too. The jerk didn't give me anything in return. No flowers, no candy, no lovin'-- he basically has ignored me for the past 16 of the past 17 years. Valentine's flowers? WTF are those? Oh... I know, those pretty things that every other person in our office gets every year, BUT me.

 

I can't even get a hug when I'm sad-- all I get is rolled eyes. Then he wonders why he gets cut off sexually? Please. Honestly, I want sex with someone who loves me-- so I masturbate instead. At least I love myself. :rolleyes:

 

He's refused counseling. He says I'm nothing but a demanding *itch. Hey, I clean the house-- in an hour it's trashed again. He can't even be bothered to put his trash in the trash can, instead throwing it on the floor.

 

Here is one (extreme) example of his lack of concern for me, and one reason why I filed for divorce:

 

I had abdominal surgery a few years ago (2000). First off, he was too busy at work to sit with me for 30 minutes until the surgical team brought me to the prep area. Instead, he dropped me off at the hospital door, handed me my bag, and left me alone. Now, I'm a big girl but the surgery was a tumor removal in my womb and left ovary. Happily, it was benign as we later learned, but I was scared white. It still was major surgery which resulted in a hysterectomy. I ended up recovering very quickly and was released from the hospital 3 days earlier than planned. As soon as I got the word that I was being released, I called my H to let him know and to arrange transportation. Well... he couldn't come get me at the appointed time because he had lunch plans with a co-worker: HIS EX GIRLFRIEND,

 

So, I waited several more hours. He did finally get me (cancelled lunch), but he didn't want to stop at the pharmacy so I could get my post-op meds. He took me home. When I finally made it up the stairs (unassisted-- a BIG no no) and into the house, the living room was a mess. There wasn't even room to lie down on the couch. Nor was he in any hurry to MAKE any. Nor did he "have the time" to go to the pharmacy for me (a block up the street) to pick up my scripts. And by now, I was in huge pain. I'd just climbed steps and moved a lot of his heavy junk off the couch so I could lay down.

 

I had a zero-lifting restriction, and no driving allowed. But if I was going to have my meds, I had to drive to the store by myself. When I got back, in intense pain and concerned that I was going to cause myself serious damage, his reply was, "See? I knew you could do it. You aren't helpless. You just don't give yourself enough credit for your physical capabilities." I wanted to backhand him at that point, but I was too tired and sore.

 

Over the next week, I lifted and cooked a Thanksgiving dinner (15 pound turkey with a 5 pound lifting limit at this point), carried laundry baskets to the washateria (though I still wasn't supposed to drive or do any lifting out of the restriction) because he couldn't be bothered and I got tired of stinky clothes, and cleaned the house as best as I could just to keep from falling over his junk that he couldn't be bothered to clean up.

 

Four weeks later, I was back in the hospital with a hernia. My incision had opened internally from the strain-- too much, too soon.

 

This relationship is filled with instances like this, too many to name and I won't bore you with any more details, but each one is just as devoid of his concern for me and my well-being.

 

The final straw came last week when I learned that he spent an hour each evening visiting his ex girlfirend in the hospital or going over to her place to help with things that she couldn't do herself, the very things that he couldn't be bothered to help me with during my recovery.

 

So I decided to make a point-- enough was enough. If he wants to spend that much time with his ex, then he can have all the time he wants. I have an ex too-- one that I've made PAINS to not contact or communicate with, short of the annual Christmas card and a birthday card, all mailed. I haven't even got the slightest clue what the guy looks like now-- I may not even recognize him on the street. That may change, given the current state of events.

 

But I do recognize a bungwipe when I see one... and I see one every time I pass him in the hall.

 

Was it wrong to serve the papers on "Valentine's Weekend"? Should I have waited until Monday?

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

Posted
Posted

nope, I think you did just fine, honey. Congratulations on your 180-pound instant weight loss :laugh:

 

unfortunately, there's the chance that your thick-pated mister won't "get" it ... but YOU will, and that's cause for a victory dance.

 

I don't advocate divorce, but marriage is all about serving and uplifting each other (giving), not taking. The whole incident involving your surgery is complete and utter bullshxt – it's one thing to feel uncomfortable being with someone when they're undergoing something scary like that, yet have the balls to "be" there for that person ... and a whole other thing to do what he did!

 

remind him to not let the screen door hit him on the *ss on his way out of the house ...

 

hugs,

quank

Crestfallen_KH Established Member

Crestfallen_KH

Posted
Posted

Normally I take these kinds of posts with a grain of salt - we only get one person's perspective, and usually the "real truth" lies somewhere in the middle. No one person is all good or all bad.

 

But seriously? The way he behaved during your surgery was reason ALONE to leave this guy. He just dropped you off at the hospital? Was having lunch with his ex-gf while you were recovering? Didn't pitch in around the house during your recovery?

 

I'm sure this is very painful but I'm thrilled that you're doing this. It sounds like he's most likely having an affair on top of it all - at the very least, he's emotionally checked out. Even rats have more decency than this guy does.

 

Stay strong - the next several months will be a roller coaster, but I agree that you are definitely doing the right thing.

 

Oh, and as for the date? Pff, screw it. I doubt he'll even notice.

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Naga Jolokia Member

Naga Jolokia

Posted
  • Author
Posted

No, I'm not perfect either and I'm sure I've done things in our relationship that were none too cool either. But in the end I've at least had the decency to not leave him alone when he's been sick or having a rough time.

 

The most serious thing medically that's happened to him since we've been together was cataract surgery or a nasty case of the flu. Still, when he wanted to be alone, I left him alone to recover. But when he wanted some comfort, I haven't been so distant as to tell him that "I'm too busy" to lay next to him for a few moments, or to make him a bowl of chicken soup, or scrounge up a "special" pill to ease his symptoms. No street drugs, just a legally-obtained prescription... I am a medical professional, but I'd rather keep the details of that on the down low.

 

He's now facing a job loss at the end of March. He's under contract at his work (an engineer) and his contract is not being renewed. Why?? Because when his division was bought by another company last summer, they decided not to cover "common law" spouses.

 

I'm in a common-law-marriage (CLM) state (TX) and we meet every legal definition and test for common law marriages: 1. agree to be married; 2. hold out to others as married (which he has by specifically listing me as his wife on insurance policies, life insurance, etc. and I've reciprocated) and; 3. live together as H and W. We've been together as H and W for 17 years. No papers are required and no ceremony is necessary for there to be a valid CLM. However, in order to dissolve a CLM, one must have a real divorce in court.

 

For professional reasons, I have always filed my taxes separately. I have (professional/business) tax responsibilities that don't involve him so I just file on my own.

 

Enough background-- I'm a nasty Texas gal and he's just dadgum lucky that I didn't take a double barrel shotgun to his head AND hers.

 

Or would my M-1 carbine, my semi-automatic rifle, or one of my pistols be a better choice?

 

If I decided to use a pistol, which would be better: an automatic or a revolver? Reloaded ammo or new?

 

Tough decisions... harder than the decision to file for divorce.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted

It's Valentine's Day! Guess what I served my husband?

his testes sauteed in butter & shallots??

  • Author
Naga Jolokia Member

Naga Jolokia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
his testes sauteed in butter & shallots??

 

Aw, we had that last week. :mad:

 

The portions were kind of small and shrivelled.

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

Posted
Posted

Enough background-- I'm a nasty Texas gal and he's just dadgum lucky that I didn't take a double barrel shotgun to his head AND hers.

 

nah, it's more fun to mind-fook someone ... like pretending you're all cool with it then stirring up shxt.

 

besides, he's not worth serving jail time for.

Shygirl15 Established Member

Shygirl15

Posted
Posted

Yeah the scum bag deserves it. Aww, what an awful experience, and for 16 years? Girl, you're way too patient.

 

Me and my sister were cracking up really bad as we read your thread last night; I mean the story is sad but we couldn't resist the humor in it.

  • Author
Naga Jolokia Member

Naga Jolokia

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Enough background-- I'm a nasty Texas gal and he's just dadgum lucky that I didn't take a double barrel shotgun to his head AND hers.

 

nah, it's more fun to mind-fook someone ... like pretending you're all cool with it then stirring up shxt.

 

besides, he's not worth serving jail time for.

 

Shyt, they'd have to catch me first. I'd use his gun and wear rubber gloves (no prints)... then act all sweet and innocent if I got caught:

 

"Oh look, how sad. They had a suicide pact."

 

:D

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
his testes sauteed in butter & shallots??

LOL, I think in Texas it's more like fava beans ;)

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

Posted
Posted

you stole my line, naga :D:D:D

 

I've got a workable solution that puts you nowhere near the scene: Have Dick Cheney take them hunting ...

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
No, peppers and re-fried's. And served in a tortilla.

Ha, ha, glad to see Hanibel is alive and well in Texas :D

Enema Established Member

Enema

Posted
Posted

I think this is the first time I've ever read one of these posts that didn't include: "but, there's this other guy.....".

 

Well done OP!

theotherwoman100 Member

theotherwoman100

Posted
Posted

You Go Girl! I see you surviving and living a wonderful life - without him! Life is too short and batteries are a plenty :)

Perfect gift in my book!

 

 

Divorce papers!

 

Fraggin' idiot deserves it, too. The jerk didn't give me anything in return. No flowers, no candy, no lovin'-- he basically has ignored me for the past 16 of the past 17 years. Valentine's flowers? WTF are those? Oh... I know, those pretty things that every other person in our office gets every year, BUT me.

 

I can't even get a hug when I'm sad-- all I get is rolled eyes. Then he wonders why he gets cut off sexually? Please. Honestly, I want sex with someone who loves me-- so I masturbate instead. At least I love myself. :rolleyes:

 

He's refused counseling. He says I'm nothing but a demanding *itch. Hey, I clean the house-- in an hour it's trashed again. He can't even be bothered to put his trash in the trash can, instead throwing it on the floor.

 

Here is one (extreme) example of his lack of concern for me, and one reason why I filed for divorce:

 

I had abdominal surgery a few years ago (2000). First off, he was too busy at work to sit with me for 30 minutes until the surgical team brought me to the prep area. Instead, he dropped me off at the hospital door, handed me my bag, and left me alone. Now, I'm a big girl but the surgery was a tumor removal in my womb and left ovary. Happily, it was benign as we later learned, but I was scared white. It still was major surgery which resulted in a hysterectomy. I ended up recovering very quickly and was released from the hospital 3 days earlier than planned. As soon as I got the word that I was being released, I called my H to let him know and to arrange transportation. Well... he couldn't come get me at the appointed time because he had lunch plans with a co-worker: HIS EX GIRLFRIEND,

 

So, I waited several more hours. He did finally get me (cancelled lunch), but he didn't want to stop at the pharmacy so I could get my post-op meds. He took me home. When I finally made it up the stairs (unassisted-- a BIG no no) and into the house, the living room was a mess. There wasn't even room to lie down on the couch. Nor was he in any hurry to MAKE any. Nor did he "have the time" to go to the pharmacy for me (a block up the street) to pick up my scripts. And by now, I was in huge pain. I'd just climbed steps and moved a lot of his heavy junk off the couch so I could lay down.

 

I had a zero-lifting restriction, and no driving allowed. But if I was going to have my meds, I had to drive to the store by myself. When I got back, in intense pain and concerned that I was going to cause myself serious damage, his reply was, "See? I knew you could do it. You aren't helpless. You just don't give yourself enough credit for your physical capabilities." I wanted to backhand him at that point, but I was too tired and sore.

 

Over the next week, I lifted and cooked a Thanksgiving dinner (15 pound turkey with a 5 pound lifting limit at this point), carried laundry baskets to the washateria (though I still wasn't supposed to drive or do any lifting out of the restriction) because he couldn't be bothered and I got tired of stinky clothes, and cleaned the house as best as I could just to keep from falling over his junk that he couldn't be bothered to clean up.

 

Four weeks later, I was back in the hospital with a hernia. My incision had opened internally from the strain-- too much, too soon.

 

This relationship is filled with instances like this, too many to name and I won't bore you with any more details, but each one is just as devoid of his concern for me and my well-being.

 

The final straw came last week when I learned that he spent an hour each evening visiting his ex girlfirend in the hospital or going over to her place to help with things that she couldn't do herself, the very things that he couldn't be bothered to help me with during my recovery.

 

So I decided to make a point-- enough was enough. If he wants to spend that much time with his ex, then he can have all the time he wants. I have an ex too-- one that I've made PAINS to not contact or communicate with, short of the annual Christmas card and a birthday card, all mailed. I haven't even got the slightest clue what the guy looks like now-- I may not even recognize him on the street. That may change, given the current state of events.

 

But I do recognize a bungwipe when I see one... and I see one every time I pass him in the hall.

 

Was it wrong to serve the papers on "Valentine's Weekend"? Should I have waited until Monday?

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