Mea Culpa Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 Hi all, I'm new to this forum so I shall briefly explain my situation before asking my question. I'm in Europe, and have been married for 10 years. For the last three years, my husband has been away on business almost all the time. I became lonely, and started going to chatrooms. There, I met a man who lives in the United States. We got along and started private conversations, soon figuring out we had a lot in common. Before I realised what was going on, I got caught up in an EA. The EA went on for about 2 years. There was a lot of drama, a few break ups, two periods of NC for over 3 months, then rekindling, more drama etc. After approximately 2 years, in July, I got depressed and exhausted and decided to end the affaire once and for all. I told the OM ... and he flipped out on me. He started calling my house, yelling and screaming at me, over and over and over. My husband was home at the time, and obviously he figured out something was not right. So, I came clean and told him about what had been going on. Instead of kicking me to the curb, my husband told me he still loved me very much, and apologized for not having seen that I was lonely, and not okay. He was extremely understanding, and willing to work things out if I wanted to. Seeing how his reaction alone makes him a pretty amazing guy, I agreed. For the past 6 months, we have been working really hard on our marriage, and it's going great. As to the phone - we unplugged it for about 2.5 months. When I plugged it in again and started listening to my messages - well ... let's just say the machine was filled with him not being so nice. Furthermore, he went to my best friend's blog, and wrote a lovely message there about how much of a bitch I was ... Needless to say, I deleted any information of myself on the internet. I didn't want him to find anything. All information included a blog I had been keeping for over 4 years. I always enjoyed blogging very much, it has always been an emotional outlet for me. So about three weeks ago, I decided to start it over again. Seeing how the affair was 6 months ago, I figured OM would have moved on. I was wrong. Two days after reopening my blog, I saw someone had found it by googling my name. I found it curious, but nothing to be worried about. The day after ... it happened again. I started noticing the times : googling occured at times when all of Europe is tucked away in bed. So I placed a web tracker on my blog. And guess what : the IP address comes from the city in US where OM lives. He has been visiting the blog every single day for the past three weeks. I am extremely careful as to what I am posting in the blog, as I don't want to play mindgames and wish for him to move on and be happy, as I know I severely hurt him, but it's pretty difficult for me to just put this aside as a non-issue. Seeing how he already did the 'revenge thing' by repeatedly calling my house, I am quite sure he is capable of doing this again. I do not want to close my blog - if I do, he'll probably figure out I knew he went there. I don't want him to have this power over me. How would you all handle this ? How would you deal with this ? Should I call out OM on the blog and tell him to go away ? Should I ignore it and just keep on writing (mind you - I never write about my personal life, it is a blog solely consisting of topics that interest me.) Thank you all for your advice.
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 DO NOT contact the OM. Just stop posting on your blog completely and email your friends about your updates.. Change your home phone number so the OM doesn't call your house again. If he DOES by chance get your number, you tell him that if he contacts you again you're going to go to the police, with your husband's blessings. This guy sounds abit like a nut so be careful.
voldigicam Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 There's real magic in letters from law firms.
Lucky_One Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 He does sound nutty. Is your possibly personal safety and your marriage worth whatever pleasure you get from blogging? Shut down the blog. Start writing in a diary.
signedin2008 Posted February 15, 2009 Posted February 15, 2009 First, tell your husband about the next development. Don't lie or tell partial truth, tell him the whole thing, including your blog and how often the OM visits your blog as well as your desire to contact him and tell him to go away. Second, don't EVER contact OM. Third, slowly wean out of blogging. If you used to do it twice a week, do it once a week, then to completely stop posting. Fourth, seek counseling. You're a married-woman-adulterer-cheater material. If the OM was in your city, I am sure you have visited some motels with him or at his place numerous times. Get counseling to set some serious boundaries.
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