Dolorian Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 It's been a while since I've posted here. Anyway, I'll go on to tell my story and I would really appreciate some outsider opinions. About a year ago, I dated a woman who in my eyes was the perfect fit. However, we broke up only after 8 months of dating. Reason was that she didn't feel that special "something" with me. But she also told me that I'm perfect otherwise. I know more about her than anyone, I'm her best friend, I treat her perfect, etc etc. So we had a week separation before she initiated contact again. We started hanging out, until last summer when she feel back in love with her ex boyfriend. The one that treats her like crap, but has that something apparently. She feels differently about him. Always has. They were together back in high school and he is the one that took her virginity, her first real love (you catch my drift). Even before dating me, every time she dated someone she dropped that person for that guy. But when they were together it lasted only a while until he decided to move on with his ridiculous dreams. When that happens, she called me instantly and wanted me to take care of her. Make her feel better. While I did this once or twice, I did feel being taken for granted. Now we hung out a few times again, made out, feel back into what we had. But then she told me that that guy will visit her for a few days and stay at her apartment but I shouldn't worry. I'm her best friend and she loves me. 4 days later, she told that she just can't find what she is looking for in me. And it's unfair that I make her feel guilty (what i really don't, i simply said it's either him or me. i told her if she is ever going to date the guy again i will drop our friendship because that's something i have to do for myself). I told her that if she really wants to be with him then she should just do it but don't expect me to be there once he does something ****ty to her again. In my opinion, she is just really phony and two-faced. On one hand and she loves me and says I'm perfect but she doesn't feel that something with me, on the other after being with that guy for only 4 days she is head over heels for him again. I asked her yesterday if she just wants to be strictly friends now and she said "for now yes". I told her that it's unfair to me. I do everything for her (i give her space, not in a something sense) and her friends and family love me (they would never approve of that other guy). I even gave her a promise ring which she absolutely adored and showed to everyone. But, like I said, within a few days with that guy she thinks she will never feel that way for me. I'm just being taken for granted here. I should've never talked to her after our breakup. Am I the bad guy here? I mean I said to her "we are not dating, so it's ok that he visits". She even told she just wants to close that chapter with that guy but apparently something must've happened and she changed her mind again. It's just frustrating. I feel played. I feel taken for granted by a two-faced person. All I want is to be with her and make her happy. I told her that the "something" she is looking for is something that has to grow in a relationship. But apparently that's not good enough for her. Sorry, I'm going off in a tangeant. What do you think of this situation?
carhill Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Would she really be a friend? Would she console you when a family member died? Would she take a proactive interest in your life? Think real hard about what a real friend is. My opinion is that she has issues which you cannot help her with, even as a friend, and that "making her happy" has to come from within her, not from you. I'd be honest with her and let her go.
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