Nikki Sahagin Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 First of all, in my conscious life, I have no desire or intention to cheat on my boyfriend BUT every now and again I have dreams where I cheat with one person in particular. In the dreams it is always this same person. An ex friend of his who I did used to have some feelings for. I don't have feelings for him anymore but yet I do sometimes have these dreams where I cheat on my boyfriend. Oddly in the dream I really don't enjoy the experience and feel INCREDIBLY guilty and disgusted and also frightened because I know this means the end of our relationship. I wake up almost believing I really have cheated and the feeling of guilt is hard to shake throughout the day. Anyone able to make some sense of this dream?
Squirtal Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 There are so many answers to this. If you read Freud at all he calls dreams "Wish Fulfillments" he uses a child being denied an ice cream as an example..and then the child may dream of eating that ice cream. I personally think dreams are just like movies, for example..last night I dreamt I was dating Michael Jackson...I told some random girl..who then cracked onto my boyfriend..she said well she can't be your girlfriend because shes with Michael Jackson...I said yeah..as if...I don't know..its so weird. Dreams are also said to be a pressure release from day to day worries..helps you let off steam.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 The thing is this particular dream doesn't seem to release any worries; it kind of creates them because it leaves me with a feeling of anxiety and guilt. It's really strange. And that feeling kind of stays with me throughout the day.
Squirtal Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Dreams can do that. I used to have a reoccuring dreams about a house and feeling of evil...it was horrible..and I'd feel drained for days after, and if I caught sight of anything red my heart would pound...still don't quite know what that was about. But dreams are just that, dreams. I would try not to think too much about it..although I know its hard..it is just a dream.
JamesM Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 What are the pros and cons of telling your bf about the dream? That might kill the dream.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 What are the pros and cons of telling your bf about the dream? That might kill the dream. Oooo definately not. He has some anxiety about this friend because he knows I used to like him so if I told him I was dreaming about cheating with him, even if I said it was NOT an enjoyable experience, I still don't think he'd like to hear it very much!
JamesM Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 No more daydreaming for me... I'm going to DO it! The hell with this. I am going to get some attention for myself! Am I wrong? Depends how you define getting "some attention."
JamesM Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Perhaps I posted on the wrong thread. I thought we were talking about affairs here. We are. That is why I asked the question. The best way to confront a spouse who gives you little attention is by telling him. And if that doesn't work, then another confrontation might be in order as you have stated here..."I need your attention because I love you. But if you do not want to spend time with me, then you leave me no choice but to spend it with someone else." I am guessing that you have told him more than once, and he is not listening. However, this does not mean that an affair is condoned. In any case, I am fed up with taking second place to Rob's friends and already have someone in mind to have some fun with. Again, if having fun with someone is a euphemism for cheating, then this will do nothing but create more problems. It seems that you seek out attention as a way of revenge against an inattentive spouse. The revenge you seek will not be satisfying. Dreaming of cheating is one thing. Acting upon a fantasy or dream is cheating. And if you wonder whether it is wrong, ask Rob. BTW, is that you in the avatar? You certainly are attractive, so why do you think Rob doesn't take more time to spend with you?
JamesM Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 he wants only to talk about himself and how great he thinks he is. Was he this way when you married him? Why does he think he is "so great?" I do love him and we have had talks about this in the past. Did he recognize the problem or did he simply improve to keep you quiet? This has been going on for 3 years. I can't take it anymore. You have three choices: Fix it. Live with it. Leave it. Would you rather divorce him or hurt him very deeply by cheating on him? Wouldn't you rather find a way to fix it? Once you have cheated, do you think HE will want to fix the marriage? BTW, this would make for a great thread. Starting one with your story will give you more answers and responses than when it is tagged onto someone else's.
Green Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 We have been engaged and living together these last three years so there is no divorce to worry about just yet. Last night he came home drunk and called me some horrible names. You know why? Because his steak was not done perfectly. I pride myself on my ability to cook and have never made a bad steak in my life. I should have left him a year ago but he stopped hitting me when I told him I was going He hasn't hit me since. Anyway, I called my old BF today and we have a meeting set up for this Sunday. Maybe one of the site owners can move this to it's own thread? I don't know how to do it. To the OP you can't blame yourself for your dreams only your actions when you awake. Now to LargeMarge you are getting everything you asked for if you cheat on Rob. If he's mistreated you and you deserve better then leave him gl
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