Doomed to a Solitary Life

[ThatCali Girl]

U arent doomed. U will find the way.

[purgatori]

Or do you find the act of coitus per se, degrading to the woman?

Yes. Although, as I said, I think that the degree to which it is so can be me mediated by how loving/gentle/kind, etc. the man in question is during the activity. While I am glad to hear that this has been your experience of the men you have been involved with, I would maintain that the majority of men do not exhibit such consideration for their sexual partners.

 

This raises huge alarm bells in my head. You need a partner, or the hope of having one, for 'continued survival'? So if you were 100% certain that you would never have one, you find there no purpose to live? Why? Do you not enjoy other aspects of life, life that you yourself can enjoy, even if there's noone to share it with?

Science, art (especially music), my family and (limited number of) friends are all aspects of life which bring me a lot of joy in life, but I am not of a monastic bent, nor am I under the impression that my opportunities for love would continue post-mortem, through reincarnation or some such device. And the thing is, I really like women -- a lot. If I really believed, through to the furthest recesses of my psyche, that I would never have the experience of holding a woman that I loved in my arms, then yes, I would most assuredly waste no time in securing my expiration. I also think that of all the human excellencies, and psychobiological states we can experience, love must surely be the highest... I have only known the unrequited variety, but even that, as agonizing as it is, I would not trade for a completely loveless existence since it led me to see things, both in the person whom I love and myself that I was blind to before -- and they were beatiful things... despite the fact that I had never imagined that there was anything in me which to any degree partook of that quality. As it stands, my loneliness, and the knowledge of what I am missing out on, are often so unbearable that I contemplate death simply as a means of escaping from the pain.

 

My concerns aside... I'm not sure if this helps, but I really thought, just barely 8 years ago, that I would never, ever find a partner. I would almost go so far to say that I was 100% sure. This was because I was in an environment that was extremely unconducive to it. I went to an all-girls' school hence there were very few men in my life, and the few that I did know were childhood friends... we'd all been friends since 5 or so -- yes, that one's a no-brainer. Which means that I'd had no chance for building relationships with men other than at surface level, and surface level really isn't where I shine.

 

But I didn't know all of this. And like you, I rationalized that I was constantly friend-zoned because of ME, because I was different from other girls. I didn't consider other factors, or that they would change. Now, I've been through 3 relationships, two in which the guy really loved me and accepted me for who I am.

Putting my anti-male bias to one side for the moment, I must say that I think that it's wonderful that your experience has been such that it triggered such a radical shift (reversal?) of your expectations, without losing yourself in the process. I can only dream of being accepted so completely by someone, except I don't because it is so far outside of what what the constraints of my self-esteem allow me to envisage. All the same, though, I do find encouragement in your words -- so thankyou.

 

U arent doomed. U will find the way.

 

There is no way to know that, but thanks anyway, I certainly hope that you're right

[tigereyes12]

according to the book Crossing by Deirdre McCloskey about a third of men who undergo gender reassignment surgery are straight, another third are gay, and the another identify as asexual. Of course, I'm not saying you want to have gender reassignment surgery, but generally those who do are experiencing some type gender dysphoria like you. So, I guess what I'm saying is: you're not alone. Gender and sexuality are not the same thing! Gender is a social construct where sexuality, I think, is a more biological thing. Furthermore, in my humble opinion (and I dare say that of many enlightened people), gender is far more fluid than society admits. We try to turn it into a binary, when it's really nothing of the sort. So, you're an effeminate man who doesn't like men or manly activities...so what! Anyway, that's the end of this part of my rant.

 

What I'm ultimately driving at--I think anyway--is that there are women who want a man just like you. Sure, they may not be as common as those looking for Manly Men Who Chop Wood And Grunt And Generally Do Manly Things. And yes, you'll probably have to look a little harder. But what about those girls who always fall for their gay man friends? You're like that...only you...actually...like..women! My God! It's the best of both worlds. So, don't lose hope, mon chèr. I highly encourage you to consider online dating where you can be upfront about your desires and expectations--let the women who want a guy like you find you. The whole process will be a whole lot simpler. OkCupid is a great site, with lots of alternative-minded people. I imagine a quick google search might even lead you to some dating websites for people with of less conventional gender identities. But I ramble. Good luck!

[Throne Of Lies]

People in general would probably like you more if you were not such an unhinged bigot. Women tend not to like people with incredibly prejudicial worldviews. They see how irrationally and irresponsibly you judge the members of your sex and wonder about how harshly you judge them in secret. They know that you hold a simmering contempt for their hardwired attraction to men. As smart as you obviously are, you must know that, you just haven't accepted it.

 

It is interesting to look at you, across the gulf that separates our personalities. You would feel an incandescent hatred toward me if I was in your life, but because when you judge men you get hung up in ideological last-stands in your mind. Cute. I think you just feel the natural resentment of the evolutionarily unfit towards their biological superiors. That is the saddest situation of all- to hate someone so intensely, when they barely even care that you exist.

 

In short, you will never solve your myriad problems with women if you don't solve your problems with men. So swallow your pride, or be OK with dying alone and unremembered. Cheers!

[tigereyes12]

I think you just feel the natural resentment of the evolutionarily unfit towards their biological superiors. That is the saddest situation of all- to hate someone so intensely, when they barely even care that you exist.

 

Whoa now, that's just uncalled for. Just because someone isn't the norm, does not mean that he or she is genetically unfit. Afterall, diversity is what allows species to adapt and survive. Furthermore, there are more things at play in genetic fitness than standard sex drive and physical ability. Intelligence, for instance, can be more useful than all the brawny man power in the world. Also, this is just a mean spirited comment. Grow a pair, and stop picking on people who you don't understand.

[purgatori]

according to the book Crossing by Deirdre McCloskey about a third of men who undergo gender reassignment surgery are straight, another third are gay, and the another identify as asexual. Of course, I'm not saying you want to have gender reassignment surgery, but generally those who do are experiencing some type gender dysphoria like you. So, I guess what I'm saying is: you're not alone. Gender and sexuality are not the same thing! Gender is a social construct where sexuality, I think, is a more biological thing. Furthermore, in my humble opinion (and I dare say that of many enlightened people), gender is far more fluid than society admits. We try to turn it into a binary, when it's really nothing of the sort. So, you're an effeminate man who doesn't like men or manly activities...so what! Anyway, that's the end of this part of my rant.

 

What I'm ultimately driving at--I think anyway--is that there are women who want a man just like you. Sure, they may not be as common as those looking for Manly Men Who Chop Wood And Grunt And Generally Do Manly Things. And yes, you'll probably have to look a little harder. But what about those girls who always fall for their gay man friends? You're like that...only you...actually...like..women! My God! It's the best of both worlds. So, don't lose hope, mon chèr. I highly encourage you to consider online dating where you can be upfront about your desires and expectations--let the women who want a guy like you find you. The whole process will be a whole lot simpler. OkCupid is a great site, with lots of alternative-minded people. I imagine a quick google search might even lead you to some dating websites for people with of less conventional gender identities. But I ramble. Good luck!

 

I wasn't aware that such a high proportion of men who undergo gender reassignment surgery existed -- it comes as a surprise to me, although it probably ought not to. As for gender being fluid, and a separate category from one's biological sex, I fully agree; my own existence would make very little sense if this were not so, and there is a robust research literature on the topic. I probably would not go so far as to call gender a (purely) social construct though, due to cases like that of David Reimer (a boy who was raised as a girl after a botched circumcision, but never identified as a girl) and the likelihood that like virtually all of our traits, it is not a determined solely by either 'nature' or 'nurture', but a complex interaction of both along with irreducible psychological processes. But now I ramble

 

What about the women who always fall for their gay friends? Well, I don't know. I suppose it depends on why they're falling for their gay friends. We should be careful not to generalize here, but if it's for their impeccable grooming and fashion sense, then that is not going to work in my favor. I'm not a slob by any means, but my grooming habits and fashion sense tend far more to the hippie or grunge side of the spectrum than they do toward the "metrosexual." A lot of gay guys also tend to be into working out and becoming "buff", and if this is what some of their female friends are drawn to, then, once again, that isn't going to work in my favour: I'm skinny as a rake, and I like it that way. If they are drawn to the outgoing and affable nature of a lot of gay men in social situations, then once again, this will not work in my favour: I am quiet, reserved, and can be quite socially awkward -- and only the latter would I be willing to change, because I like the other two. If being sensitive and in-touch with one's emotions is what they were drawn to, then perhaps that could work in my favour though. In any case, I'm much more like a male version of Hope Sandoval or Ani DiFranco (more the former), than I am either "flamboyant" or "metrosexual."

 

Thankyou for your encouragement, and I will definitely have a look at OKCupid

[Throne Of Lies]

The OP is one of the most prejudiced people I've ever heard tell of. Does sexism have to punch you in the ovaries before you wake up to it? He has the same mindset that a Klansmen or a Black Panther or a Sharia-practicing Jihadist has- that one section of the population is intrinsically inferior and disgusting and should be eliminated. I'll call him whatever the hell I want and grab my hirsute testes while doing it. You're naieve but not charming, how do you accomplish that? Impressive.

[LeroyJose]

This is just my humble opinion..

 

If you adore women then that means that you're a man. Man doesn't mean "macho men". It isn't all about big muscles and stronger built. If you're attracted to women then most probably, your a man. I guess all you need is fresh air. Go out there and leave the world for a while. Find yourself.. Travel if there's time..

 

I wish you luck..

[tigereyes12]

What about the women who always fall for their gay friends? Well, I don't know. I suppose it depends on why they're falling for their gay friends. We should be careful not to generalize here, but if it's for their impeccable grooming and fashion sense, then that is not going to work in my favor. I'm not a slob by any means, but my grooming habits and fashion sense tend far more to the hippie or grunge side of the spectrum than they do toward the "metrosexual." A lot of gay guys also tend to be into working out and becoming "buff", and if this is what some of their female friends are drawn to, then, once again, that isn't going to work in my favour: I'm skinny as a rake, and I like it that way. If they are drawn to the outgoing and affable nature of a lot of gay men in social situations, then once again, this will not work in my favour: I am quiet, reserved, and can be quite socially awkward -- and only the latter would I be willing to change, because I like the other two. If being sensitive and in-touch with one's emotions is what they were drawn to, then perhaps that could work in my favour though. In any case, I'm much more like a male version of Hope Sandoval or Ani DiFranco (more the former), than I am either "flamboyant" or "metrosexual."

 

I can only speak for myself, but the reason gay men are often so seductive is because, unlike most heterosexual men, they listen to and seem to care about what women think and feel without agenda. Just like another heterosexual woman might. It's wonderful. The only time straight men are generally like this is when they're trying to sleep with you.

[tigereyes12]

The OP is one of the most prejudiced people I've ever heard tell of. Does sexism have to punch you in the ovaries before you wake up to it? He has the same mindset that a Klansmen or a Black Panther or a Sharia-practicing Jihadist has- that one section of the population is intrinsically inferior and disgusting and should be eliminated. I'll call him whatever the hell I want and grab my hirsute testes while doing it. You're naieve but not charming, how do you accomplish that? Impressive.

 

There's a HUGE difference between wanting the sort of extremism you're talking about and simply not relating to and not being especially fond of a certain segment of the population. I think you're misinterpreting...and seeing what you want to see. But please, go ahead, grab your charming hirsute testes all you want. I'm sure it's what you're best at anyway.

[Throne Of Lies]

I think that should have answered why I find the male role so despicable.

 

 

Yeah. He's real even keeled. Most groups of people like I mentioned have that as their public front. That they find another group 'despicable' or 'undesirable' if they are feeling like toning down the rhetoric.

 

And because I reject that sensational prejudice against myself you don the armor of self-righteousness and preach to me about what a sad little misunderstood creature he is. Well, you're half right.

[purgatori]

If you adore women then that means that you're a man.

 

I don't think so. There are women who adore women as well. Thankyou for wishing me luck, though

 

I can only speak for myself, but the reason gay men are often so seductive is because, unlike most heterosexual men, they listen to and seem to care about what women think and feel without agenda. Just like another heterosexual woman might. It's wonderful. The only time straight men are generally like this is when they're trying to sleep with you.

 

That is very encouraging to learn Even leaving where I situated on the "gender spectrum" aside, I do enjoy listening a lot more than talking, provided someone has something interesting to say. There's nothing more fascinating than when someone opens up to you and reveals the unique and complex inner-workings of their psyche -- that is one of the main reasons that working as a psychotherapist interests me so much.

[westexgrl]

I am sorry you experience this.It must be a lonely feeling. I don't get the sense you you are doing this to yourself and I think you would change things if you could, although it would be difficult since this has been going on for so many years.

I am trying to picture what you would be like if I saw you in person. I knew a guy in 9th grade who would hang out only with girls, and he didn't "act" like a guy. I guess you would call him effiminate which is what I am imagining you to be like. I always thought he was gay. Maybe he wasn't.

Some of the things I find interesting and curious about what you've said is the fact that you so "despise" the macho man's man, but it also seems like you despise any degree of masculinity. It sickens you. I wonder why that is? You also you hate it when women are attracted to that. (I think you said something like that) . I bring these two things up because I wonder why it is you feel that way. Some thoughts that come to mind are 1. do you have these feelings and an actual gutteral reaction because of the rejection you have experienced and have let yourself become obsessive about it or 2. You experienced something in your life at a young age that would make you despise "masculinity" and the woman's response to it. Maybe your mother remarried or her attention was taken from you for a man(your father or another man) and maybe she wasn't proud of you?

That being said, I am pretty typical woman and it is true that I like a man to show interest in me. I like to know that he does desire me. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be into it at all. Does just hearing that tick you off-because you know you can't give that to a woman? Do you have self loathing tendecies? I hope that I am not sounding rude or offensive to you!! I am just trying to figure out what it might be.

Do you think that if there were a pill you could take and it would change the way you feel about these things, would you take it-or would you be too scared you might end up being too masculine? If you knew that once you took the pill you wouldn't care anymore about being masculine and you wouldn't hate masculity, would you take it?

[purgatori]

You're naieve but not charming, how do you accomplish that? Impressive.

 

Tigereyes12 does not seem the least bit naive to me -- she has had little trouble in making you look the fool; and I find her quite charming indeed You, on the other hand.... not so much It amuses me that you take such great offense to the fact that I revile coarse, confrontational, louts like yourself -- to those not of your ilk, I don't think it would prove to be a very great mystery at all after witnessing your behavior in this thread.

[purgatori]

I am sorry you experience this.It must be a lonely feeling. I don't get the sense you you are doing this to yourself and I think you would change things if you could, although it would be difficult since this has been going on for so many years.

 

Thankyou for understanding, and I do not take offense at any of the questions you have posed, because you are only seeking to gain a greater understanding -- which I am always grateful for.

 

1. do you have these feelings and an actual gutteral reaction because of the rejection you have experienced and have let yourself become obsessive about it or 2. You experienced something in your life at a young age that would make you despise "masculinity" and the woman's response to it. Maybe your mother remarried or her attention was taken from you for a man(your father or another man) and maybe she wasn't proud of you?

 

Very insightful. In fact, both of those are somewhat true. Wanting something so badly (to be with a woman), and yet experiencing a complete lack of success in realizing this want, has certainly lead me to become somewhat obsessive about the arena of romantic relationships, and divining the reasons for my own failure within said arena. To a certain degree, I'm sure that I blame those men who are successful for my own plight, and this serves to fuel my hatred all the more. However, that "gut" reaction you mentioned... that has always been there, or at least has been for as long as I can remember. On an aesthetic level, men just seemed to be "gross" and "disgusting", while women seemed to be "pretty" and "nice" -- and a male was only relatively good-looking in direct proportion to how feminine his features/physique was. So, in other words, whereas some people might have two independent scales of attractiveness or whatever you want to call it for men and women, I appear to have one.

 

Secondly, my mother did shift her attention from me quite dramatically after her relationship with my father ended, and it was to a man who was very masculine indeed. It wasn't only that I felt a little abandoned though, but my mother seemed to abandon herself, to some extent, and become a more submissive person -- that really disturbed me.

 

The other thing I worry about when women are attracted to men (and only men), particularly the ones who are most unlike themselves (i.e. very masculine), is: what are the cognitive correlates of that attraction? I find myself wondering whether they think that these men are somehow superior to themselves. This is probably a mirror-image projection of how I think and feel, but despite knowing that, it is still something that bothers me. There are other, related, problems I have in this area but I have already alluded to them in previous posts.

 

That being said, I am pretty typical woman and it is true that I like a man to show interest in me. I like to know that he does desire me. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be into it at all. Does just hearing that tick you off-because you know you can't give that to a woman?

 

No, I had assumed that a woman would be able to tell if I desired her or not, without being aggressive or dominating. Perhaps I am mistaken, though?

 

Do you have self loathing tendecies? I hope that I am not sounding rude or offensive to you!! I am just trying to figure out what it might be.

 

Oh yes, very much so... but no, you don't sound rude or offensive at all

 

Do you think that if there were a pill you could take and it would change the way you feel about these things, would you take it-or would you be too scared you might end up being too masculine? If you knew that once you took the pill you wouldn't care anymore about being masculine and you wouldn't hate masculity, would you take it?

 

No, because as far as my masculinity/femininity is concerned, I don't see anything wrong with the way I am, and if anything would like to be more feminine (or better yet, actually female ).

[Shnuggles]

I can understand one thing you seem to bring up a bit. The whole dislike of the more macho guy or alpha male. I too don't fit into this area. Us Aussie's tend to relate to drinking beer, watching football, fixing cars and all that usual male stuff. I too don't get into this stuff and my friends don't either. I guess you could say we are more of the 'arty' type. Best friend loves the outdoors and the other music. Iv always been an artist of many skills so not all guys are the 'alpha male or macho type'. Then again you have to learn that everyone is an individual and even the macho types can have some interesting personality traits.

 

Skimming through the pages I seem to read the same thing here and there. Many times I think "why the hell does Purgatori worry about this and that?". You seem to go through life not trying to experience anything because you want the experiences to be exactly what you're after. Life doesn't work like this unless you're really lucky. Its like someone has read a book about Paris and thinks they know all about it and what its like, yet has never been there.

 

An old saying is "you have to learn to crawl before you can walk". Relationships are no different. Sure, you have your thoughts on what type of relationship you would like but you are still waiting. You had chances to at least date and explore yourself sexually to some degree yet you pass it up. Dating gets harder as you get closer to 30+ and you're missing out big time. Its as if you're trying to run without first learning to crawl.

[Isolde]

You seem to go through life not trying to experience anything because you want the experiences to be exactly what you're after. Life doesn't work like this unless you're really lucky. Its like someone has read a book about Paris and thinks they know all about it and what its like, yet has never been there.

 

I'm not a virgin, but I'm very inexperienced and the above describes the EXACT problem I've been having lately. I keep thinking about what things would be like because I have no options, nothing going on to keep me distracted.

[bluehare07]

Why do you think so much, let me ask? I'm just wondering... Are you afraid to try some things out? If you are, then what are the reasons behind it? Face your fears. There's no use if you're confined in a world you created. You have to go out and face reality. I guess I'm being harsh. I'm sorry but I hope you understand. Maybe it's time to ask yourself on what you really want.

[purgatori]

Skimming through the pages I seem to read the same thing here and there. Many times I think "why the hell does Purgatori worry about this and that?". You seem to go through life not trying to experience anything because you want the experiences to be exactly what you're after. Life doesn't work like this unless you're really lucky. Its like someone has read a book about Paris and thinks they know all about it and what its like, yet has never been there.

 

An old saying is "you have to learn to crawl before you can walk". Relationships are no different. Sure, you have your thoughts on what type of relationship you would like but you are still waiting. You had chances to at least date and explore yourself sexually to some degree yet you pass it up. Dating gets harder as you get closer to 30+ and you're missing out big time. Its as if you're trying to run without first learning to crawl.

 

To some degree, I see your point. Obviously there are many experiences in life which we are not sure that we will like until we experience them first-hand, but by the same token there are many experiences that we can be fairly sure that we will either like or dislike, as well. For instance, I am pretty sure that I would not enjoy a trip through an abattoir, undergoing surgery without anesthetic, or being dumped. Although they are far from perfect, our imaginative capabilities often can predict our affective response to a certain experience or event, -- at least in the broader strokes -- even when we have a greater or lesser amount of information available to us. Not only that, but we also have a pretty good sense of whether our engagement in certain acts/experiences would result in a breach of our ethical or moral principles. I do not enjoy assuming the "male role" in general, so I can reasonably project that I would not enjoy assuming this role in a romantic relationship either; AND it would also violate my principles.

 

Have I hesitated too much, and missed out on what may have turned out to be opportunities for a satisfying/loving relationship? Sure, no doubt, but as I explained in my posts, that had a lot to do with timidity and a lack of self-confidence, rather than me consciously rejecting said opportunities because of misgivings about future implications of becoming involved with someone. As for "missing out" on "exploring [myself] sexually", I have to confess that I don't care about that side of it in the slightest.

 

Why do you think so much, let me ask? I'm just wondering... Are you afraid to try some things out? If you are, then what are the reasons behind it? Face your fears. There's no use if you're confined in a world you created. You have to go out and face reality. I guess I'm being harsh. I'm sorry but I hope you understand. Maybe it's time to ask yourself on what you really want.

 

Why do I think so much? Well, you know what Socrates said about the unexamined life... But no, I don't think you're being too harsh, I probably should be a little more action-oriented. I do know what I want, however.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I am interested more about what you say about gender OP. I mean who says men HAVE to be all 'manly' and women have to be all 'womanly'? I was thinking about this the other day. What MAKES us HAVE to behave a certain way to be considered a man or a woman? You are physically a man so regardless or whether you want to be a hairdresser or a soldier or you talk in a high or a low pitched voice or have short or long hair, or have a relationship with a man or a woman, YOU are STILL a man. I know it's a bit off topic. I just wonder what it is that makes people have to be a certain way to be considered a man or woman. I have some aspects to me that I think make me somewhat more 'masculine' (not physical ones don't worry) but I still see myself as a woman.

[purgatori]

I am interested more about what you say about gender OP. I mean who says men HAVE to be all 'manly' and women have to be all 'womanly'? I was thinking about this the other day. What MAKES us HAVE to behave a certain way to be considered a man or a woman? You are physically a man so regardless or whether you want to be a hairdresser or a soldier or you talk in a high or a low pitched voice or have short or long hair, or have a relationship with a man or a woman, YOU are STILL a man. I know it's a bit off topic. I just wonder what it is that makes people have to be a certain way to be considered a man or woman. I have some aspects to me that I think make me somewhat more 'masculine' (not physical ones don't worry) but I still see myself as a woman.

 

Since there is no part of me which is non-physical, then there must be part(s) of me which are not physically male. But yeah, nowhere did I try to deny that I am a man; my point was, that I'm not happy about being one, and that I am not enough of one as far as the opposite sex/society are concerned. I'm not sure that you're even really addressing me, but in case you are, there is my clarification.

[kdark]

Purgatori, do you feel that the qualities associated with men are all bad?

 

For every bad quality that you list that is typically a male thing, I can probably give you a quality that is admired.

[purgatori]

Purgatori, do you feel that the qualities associated with men are all bad?

 

For every bad quality that you list that is typically a male thing, I can probably give you a quality that is admired.

 

All the distinctly male ones, I dislike, yes.

[Green]

is that you in the avatar, you're a cool looking sharp guy, and by the way doll house is worth watching in my opinion its entertaining. Anyways please cheer up while your writing is very thoughtful and even your pain is entertaining I think you've misjudged the situation and will find a women who you are into and that is into you. I would never want to be a woman over being a man but I myself am not your typical sports watching beer drinking man. For a long time I was really horible with women I mean a girl could have literaly jumped on me naked screaming take me now and I would have ran away and then later told the story to my friends and said I wonder if she liked me or something maybe she thought it was funny... any ways my point is I had low self esteem I would literaly freeze up and could barely move or speak... any ways one day I got the feeling a girl liked me so I just built up the courage to ask her on a date... well I wasn't even sure it was a date I kept gettin worried the girl would show up to dinner with her mother or something... well I had never really drank in my life but at this point I was getting pretty old and had zero experience with women so after the dinner i suggested we go to a bar and I started drinking alcohol which I never used to do and I started acting stupid and my date said I was mean and after she said I was mean I just kissed her and it was like my first real kiss and then we started making out and it got physical... and a few weeks later and a few drinks later I was sleeping with that girl. Now I don't really drink much alcohol any more but it was like after I got past that physical barrier with that one girl and realised hey I am a guy who can kiss girls and be romantic with girls I gained alot of confidence and I was heart broken when things didn't work out with that girl but I got a new gf and when that gf and i ended I got a new gf and I'm currently in a relationship heck I even got to date a girl who reminded me alot of SMG so my point is just break that physical barrier with a girl that you are into and you'll gain so much confidence. remember you have to risk being rejected and girls date guys of all types

[D-Lish]

Okay- tell me if I am getting this.

 

You are a man, trapped in a woman's body~ interested in women, but not interested in a sex change. You're happy with your penis~ You feel like a woman with a penis..?

 

So.... You're not a lesbian nor are you trans-gendered troubled... You're simply a guy who feels a lot like a woman but happens to have a penis that you like and want to keep.

 

Are you concerned that you feel you don't fit into a catagory or something?

 

The coolest people I have ever met supercede catagories. I wouldn't worry about this too much.... It's not something I read and got shocked about.

 

You don't need to justify anything to anyone~ nor do you need to find a diagnosis to turn to.

 

A male friend I have known for 10 years came out of the closet to me a couple weeks ago.... I knew it from the moment I met him- and I told him "what took you so long to tell me- you know I'd love you no matter what"....

 

Surround yourself with people that love you and accept you for who you are. Don't internalize this notion that you are weird or too different to fit in.

 

You like women, and you feel like a woman- but you have a penis and don't want to get rid of it. Seriously- I know you're not alone.

Human beings are complicated.

 

Do some research on the net- I bet you will find many that identify with you. You're not alone, you're not the only person on the planet that feels this way.

 

Just make sure you are not gay before embarking on the journey of living this life. I mean this sincerely. You don't want to hurt others while you figure this out.

 

What is your friend support network like?

 

Honestly, if you were my friend and you told me this- I wouldn't bat an eye... I wouldn't care. Surround yourself with people that support you, and learn to love being somewhat unique.