Clarenceturbo Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 so, i have been looking at these forums for about a month now and wish i had found them sooner. lots of great advice. i will skip most of the crap, but something is really bothering me and i would rather vent than write her. my ex broke up with me 5 months ago or so. we had a 1+ year relationship in which she brought up marriage constantly. we had a place together, a dog together, i had her ring lined up and the world ahead of us. then, one drunken night i look in her phone only to find she has been texting some douchebag she worked with. "i want to be in your bed", "why are you ignoring me?"....yadda yadda. they worked in a bar, and we were in that bar that night. anyway, i called her out. found out she cheated on me.....wanted to reconcile....and an hour later said she needed a break to figure things out. a week later we met and hashed things out. she decided to break up with me for some reason, and was actually a bitch about it. very defensive and cold. she contacted me about once a week via text or phone for about a month after that. one time, when i ran into her at the bar....she actually hugged me, and whispered in my ear that she still loved me. it made me sick. the next couple months after that, she slept around....a lot. 5-10 guys if i could guess. it sucked. many of them were mutual friends. within the last couple of months, she has literally become obsessed with a mutual friend of ours.....he is a musician, 40 yrs old and a known adulterer. when we broke up i was 29, she is still 24. she has literally dedicated her life to this guy, even though he tells all of our mutual friends that he likes her, but doesnt want the dating status. aka, he likes to have sex with her and her company, but also wants to screw around in the meantime. the problem is, he is still having sex with others, while he is lying to her and keeping things going. its really bad, but i dont want to be the sap that says anything cuz no one will believe me. i know for a fact its at least one other girl cuz she's a friend of mine. my ex even found her earrings at his place 2 weeks ago and didnt know what to say about it! i dont get it. now, she wants to move to his home state of south carolina (we are in MN) for some reason....even though she doesnt know anyone there. she also portrays herself as extremely happy and knowing herself better than ever....which i dont buy. this guy is probably the smoothest bastard i have ever met. he can dance around situations and make people believe him when true evidence lies elsewhere....plus people like him cuz he's a musical staple in this town. in the end, it just sucks. i got shanghai'd for seemingly unknown reasons and i thought i had healed myself properly. but for some reason, this last week everything came flooding back. its not fair that these lying, cheating bastards (on both sides) can get away with what is going on. nobody says anything cuz they dont want to get caught in the middle. we have numerous mutual friends, that just enable what they are doing. it makes me so sick. ive been sticking with NC, but i still talk to this guy every now and then. he tries to make it seem like my fault and i tell him otherwise. very very crappy situation and the worst part is......seeing her express her want to move away, put herself wholeheartedly into this ass, act like she is ok and better than everyone and lastly......treat me like less than an afterthought. i know everyone will tell me im better off without her....it still doesnt make it any easier. thanks for reading
Island Girl Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 he tries to make it seem like my fault and i tell him otherwise. Callhim on the carpet and tell him,"look dude what went down happened to me not you so don't try to talk to me about it. We aren't in high school." Then move on to another topic. very very crappy situation and the worst part is......seeing her express her want to move away, put herself wholeheartedly into this ass, act like she is ok and better than everyone and lastly......treat me like less than an afterthought. i know everyone will tell me im better off without her....it still doesnt make it any easier. thanks for reading She will get extremely screwed up in the head with all of this. She is in a huge mess and she is already a hot mess but when the bottom falls out of her world (after she moves and gets herself stuck) she is going to be on messed up girl. Don't be surprised if she looks you up in the wake of all of this. She was obviously a ticking time bomb and doesn't know who she is. You really dodged a bullet and you should think about that. Imagine if she had done this after you got married, had kids, bought a house, etc. You'd be stuck with all of that responsibility while she went out and became what she's always wanted to be - a slut. She certainly has high aspirations. YUCK!
Author Clarenceturbo Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 yeah, that is what i have gotten out of most of this. when i told myself that, i was totally fine. my friends are exhausted with it because they are in the middle. i feel bad about that, but in the same token, people like this shouldnt be allowed to get away with crap like this. ive omitted some of the other crappy details, but its still the same. girl has a dream, finds a great guy, screws him over because she is screwed up, then sleeps/tries to date his mutual friends. the thing is, she is a proud girl. too proud to come back to me, which is fine because i dont think i would know what to do other than NC if she contacted me. looking at her past relationships, i found out she bent the truth quite a bit regarding their outcomes. she cheated on the guy before me....and the guy before him. dropped them like bad habits and never looked back. i thought i was different than them. i guess not. she was always against cheating and thought cheaters were scum. i guess she was only fooling herself and brushing her problems under the rug, only to be dealt with another day. thanks for your comments
Island Girl Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 yeah, that is what i have gotten out of most of this. when i told myself that, i was totally fine. my friends are exhausted with it because they are in the middle. Do yourself and your friendships a favor. Remove any talk of her from your conversations. If she is brought up to you immediately change the subject. They'll soon get the hint and if they don't straight up tell them that you don't wish to discuss ancient history. You can even do it jokingly "what am I in school now? Because all I am hearing is history". You get the idea. It will help you not to have to hear about her which is destructive to you. And it will help your friendships because they will no longer feel put in the middle. Good luck. It'll all get better.
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