LoveSick5 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Ok.. I'm just wondering if I'm crazy, or if people agree with me. I have been dating this guy for a little over 3 years now. I have been with him through 3 valentines days. The first one, we spent together at the school library and when we got back to our cars, he gave me a box of opened chocolates. Sorry, but to me that looked like a box of chocolate given to him by someone else. Who buys chocolates for someone, and then opens them before giving them to her? He claims to have been "hungry." The second valentine's day, we didn't see each other on the actual day, but had dinner a few days later in "celebration" of it (i guess). The third one, I decided to show him how it's done. I surprised him with a romantic sushi dinner, with strawberries and chocolates for dessert. He surprised me with nothing.. lol. Not even flowers. I am obviously hurt. I don't want anything special. I don't want diamonds, or a vacation. Isn't flowers and chocolate, maybe even dinner, simple enough? Is it too much to ask for? especially from someone you've been with for 3 valentines days? He apparently thinks that "being with me" is enough. That's practically an insult to me. (btw... I'm 24 and he's 30. I think he's old enough to know, and not be so clueless. Right?)
Oliveman Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Personally I think flowers and chocolate are way too overdone. I might do a single red rose but I think more creativity should be involved. I hate Valentines Day as a rule, but understand that it means something to women and do my best to do SOMETHING...especially for a girl that I've been with for a while. I mean come on he has it easy...after three years he can pretty much do whatever...something small will make him look good compared to your past couple and something big would be fine with you where you're at. I've been dating the girl I'm going out with casually for like two months. Talk about pressure...easy to do too much and scare her but I don't want to seem like I don't want to do something special for her. Hopefully he's learned from his past mistakes and gets his act together this year!
Squirtal Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 My guy hates Valentines too..I personally love it. Last year we swapped simple presents..I got him A dragonball figurine and he got me a DS gamw..I also sent roses..that he was very happy with..and we went out for dinner. This year we have agreed on just cards..he hates cards..but I love them..would prefer a card to anything else if it has nice words. But..and I strees this..I have to keep telling my guy its Valentines or he would forget!!..in fact I had better text him now so he can get my card.
Surfer Dude Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Let me get this straight: you feel deeply offended and hurt because the guy doesn't acknowledge Valentine's day. Basically, you have a guy who loves you and cares for you, and you're willing to doubt your relationship just because he isn't socially programmed by this rotten capitalist society to spend money on 14th February? Do you see the extent of societal programming in your mindsets and thought patterns? For all I know, someone could pick a random date of the year and make it a special holiday and use it as an excuse to blackmail men and break up relationships based on unfulfilled expectations. That's exactly what Valentine's day is, society's way of milking men and women for money and programming women to blackmail men into spending. Romance is supposed to be spontaneous, timeless, passionate... why care about stupid things like material possessions, money and chocolates? I always do things for my girlfriends totally random, when they expect it the least. If all you care about is pleasing this consumerist society, then he'd be better off without you! Squirtal: But..and I strees this..I have to keep telling my guy its Valentines or he would forget!!..in fact I had better text him now so he can get my card. Read your sentence again and see how ridiculous it sounds. You're basically buying gifts and cards for yourself every year, by reminding him he SHOULD do it for you. Oh man... whatever happened to romance and spontaneity...
Squirtal Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I think you'll find that a lot of men forget Valentines....please don't tell me I sound ridiculous, there is no need to just pick out one bit of a post and jump on it for no reason. That was actually quite rude, and for no reason at all.
prettybaby Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I can definitely understand how some people hate Valentine's and are into the whole "it's just an excuse to spend money" mind frame. However, him offering you an opened box of chocolates was pretty crappy and insulting! That being said: after being together for 3 years, you guys should be able to actually talk about these things. Like: "it's Valentine's on Saturday, do you feel like doing anything special? - I don't know, you? - Sure, let's go out and have a nice dinner or something; nothing over the top. - Ok, sounds good to me". You should probably even ask him more questions to kind of get a clearer idea of what's going through his head. To me, it sounds like you haven't talked about V-day to him much, and you're kind of hoping he'll have secretly planned something better this year. Come on now. After 3 crappy Valentines, do you really think he'll show up with something sweet? No. You've had 3 opportunities to see how he handles that date, so don't put yourself in that same position again, because the same will happen this year, and you know it. Just ask him what he wants to do, and if you wanna go out or do something special, then tell him. He's obviously not crazy about V-Day, so if it matters to you to do something special, you're gonna have to grab the bull by the horns and initiate some stuff.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I begged for some kind of show of love on V-day, anniversary, b-day from the XH for 5 years. It never changed. If it isn't there in the beginning, how do you figure it will get any better from here on out? Either learn to live with it, or decide that you can't.
likestolaugh Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I begged for some kind of show of love on V-day, anniversary, b-day from the XH for 5 years. It never changed. If it isn't there in the beginning, how do you figure it will get any better from here on out? Either learn to live with it, or decide that you can't. b-day's and anniversary's are different though... they actually ARE important days. V-day isn't real.
Author LoveSick5 Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 I always do things for my girlfriends totally random, when they expect it the least. Well I mention Valentine's Day because it's tomorrow. He has never done anything special for me, period. Not on birthdays, we don't technically have an anniversary. So i'm glad you mention that you do things randomly, because if he did that, then Valentine's Day wouldn't mean anything to me. But I've been with this guy for 3 years now, and he thinks that just "being with me" is enough, and that I'm not a woman and I don't need to feel special from time to time. And trust me, I try to talk to him about this all the time, and apparently he doesn't get it.
BCCA Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 He has never done anything special for me, period. Than thats who he is. The definition of 'insanity' is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. It doesnt work that way. Some people take that stuff seriously, some people could care less. And is it really so special to tell someone 'hey its v-day tomorrow, get me a card' and then have them get you one? Its like, to me, if its not important to someone Im not going to force it on them. I think part of the problem is that people are jealous, and associate getting the most Valentine's gifts with being the most in love. No one wants to walk in Monday and hear that so and so that sits down the hall from them got TWO dozen roses AND a nice dinner, while all they got was a card.
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