yeex Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Hi yes I need some advice on this situation from women and men hopefully. So me and this girl have been dating for a month. We hit it off really good up front. Maybe too fast. We made out heavily on the first date. We had sex on the second date. This where i made the mistake. I asked her to be my girlfriend on the second date. Even though she agreed, I know better than that. I feel like I should have waited at least 3 months to ask her as I barely knew her before the first date. I think it was the after sex passion/emotions speaking and not the real me. I did really like her though and was not using her for sex or anything. Also she told me multiple times that she liked me a lot. We did go out on a third date and had sex and everything was great. Then that same week she changed. A little more distant than usual. I could tell something was bothering her. She did offer to go on another date that same week, but I was busy so I re scheduled it for Sunday. We had a good time and then out of know where she says that she is not ready to have a boyfriend and she would like to break up. We did discuss it a little and I told her that I thought we rushed it and I agreed. We then proceeded to drink some beer and go out to eat and then we made out. Which kinda confused me more. Anyways I am not sure what to do next. I do still like her and want to go out with her again. I'm thinking about putting a little space between us and maybe going out with some other girls too, but I really like this one. I have not called her this week (the first time not calling or texting the month we have been dating). i am thinking about calling her next week to invite her to a party that next Sat. You think this is a good move? Or should I wait longer. I do not want to appear needy or anything.
alphamale Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 i am thinking about calling her next week to invite her to a party that next Sat. You think this is a good move? no txt or email her (no calls) and say you'll contact her within the next few weeks cause u need a "cool down" period and if there is still mutual interest at that time then you'll go out again. after that go into NC mode for around 3 weeks something like that
allina Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 no txt or email her (no calls) and say you'll contact her within the next few weeks cause u need a "cool down" period and if there is still mutual interest at that time then you'll go out again. after that go into NC mode for around 3 weeks something like that I think this is bad advice, especially if he's still interested in seeing her. They both realized they rushed it by committing to a relationship with someone they barely know so they backed off. It looks like both are still interested in each other, just not in a full on commitment after a week or so of dating. If he tells her he needs to "cool off" and disappears for 3 weeks he will create a lot of awkwardness. It will look like he's upset and making a big deal out of the situation. The woman won't know if he's angry, hurt or what, and it will push her away. The best thing to do it be cool about it, like it's not a huge deal (which it shouldn't be). Keep it fun and get to know her. Sure invite her to the party, but don't spend the entire night attached at the hip. Show her that you are still interested in hanging out but that you know you're both unattached.
alphamale Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I think this is bad advice, especially if he's still interested in seeing her. i don't....
Surfer Dude Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I agree with alphamale. Turn the tables on her by playing her game and telling her "I appreciate our relationship and our closeness, but I feel that we've moved way too fast. I need some time and space to sort my head and feelings. You're a great girl and I'm sure you can understand me and my needs as a man". Throw in some misdirection and ambiguity about you dating other women. Then don't call her for a couple of weeks. More likely than not, she'll be chasing you. She is probably seeing someone else and that's why she's acting cold. Don't be reactive to her distant behavior, because it will further alienate her and you will come off as bossy, controlling, needy, pushy and desperate type. Play it cool and date others in the meantime. And don't take dating advice from women. Good luck bro.
alphamale Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I agree with alphamale. Turn the tables on her by playing her game and telling her "I appreciate our relationship and our closeness, but I feel that we've moved way too fast. I need some time and space to sort my head and feelings. You're a great girl and I'm sure you can understand me and my needs as a man". Throw in some misdirection and ambiguity about you dating other women. Then don't call her for a couple of weeks. More likely than not, she'll be chasing you. indeed.
Oliveman Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 You can even take it one step further and say something like, "You know, I thought I had some really strong feelings for you, but you're right. We moved way too fast. Blah blah blah." When you tell a woman she's right when she's trying to blow you off, it confuses the **** out of her. And hell no, don't invite her to the party. That's like bringing your ex to Vegas or something. It's not like she's gonna go to the party and magically fall in love with you like you see on tv. At this point spending time with her "as friends" is the worst thing you can do. Use that opportunity to meet other women. You don't have to forget about this one just yet if you don't want to, but going out with some different girls just may help you see her more clearly. The problem most guys have with no contact is they sit by the phone hoping she calls like an idiot, so when you finally do talk to her, you're more clingy than you were before. Try to find some confidence and get an air of mystery around you. And stop telling girls how much you like them right after having sex for the first time. That's busch League right there.
alphamale Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Try to find some confidence and get an air of mystery around you. And stop telling girls how much you like them right after having sex for the first time. That's busch League right there. i would prefer to call it the "no bush league"
D-Lish Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I couldn't agree more with what the guys are telling you. Agree with her and then go on your merry way. You WILL confuse her. Go to the party on your own- it's a chance to meet others. Once she has made this declaration to you- the rules are that you should stop contacting her. Don't be her friend, don't ask her out, don't check in with her in a week to see if she wants to go to a party with you. It's reverse psychology that works. I met up with my ex after breaking up with him when he told me he couldn't be seriously involved with me. When we met up- he just kept throwing out random unsolicited comments about not wanting me to fall for him because he'd hurt me.... I just kept agreeing with him that getting involved again was a bad idea and I agreed we shouldn't go there. He called me every day for a week after that. Distance yourself from her and start dating others. Just play aloof with her.
Oliveman Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 i would prefer to call it the "no bush league" Haha Touche
Author yeex Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 . And stop telling girls how much you like them right after having sex for the first time. That's busch League right there. Haha, I know. I feel kinda kooky about that. I have not done that before. But I learned from it though. Thanks everybody for the response. I am a little more clear headed about the situation now. Man these forums are great, how can somebody figure this stuff out on their own. I'm getting better at it.
Author yeex Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 Hey do y'all really think I should just text or email her and not call? Also if i call, i am sure i'll get her voicemail, should I leave a message? Since we both only have cellphones, i risk it being a bad connection and such. I would text her off and on during the time we went out. I also called her. She seemed to like talking on the phone more though. Man i hate having to think of these little details. I'm thinking since I am trying to make it into not a big deal, then texting should be fine. i don't want her to think I'm a wimp though. Dude, I am overanalyzing this.
Author yeex Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 Forget it. I already texted her. Already got a good response from her. I'll be aloof for a couple of weeks. We'll see what happens. Thanks and I'll shut up for now.
alphamale Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Forget it. I already texted her. Already got a good response from her. I'll be aloof for a couple of weeks. We'll see what happens. Thanks and I'll shut up for now. what did u say in the txt and what was her reply?
Author yeex Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 Well I kinda feel weird about posting our conversation without her knowing. But basically I took all y'alls advice and put it in my own words. Basically she knows at this point that I know we took it too fast, that it would be good to have a little space for a few weeks, and that perhaps we could hang out again after that and that it is not a big deal. She basically responded that she would love to hang out with me again. I'm gonna try to meet other girls now and try not to think of this one everyday.
Author yeex Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Well i finally called her again last night and it went well. She agreed to go on a date with me next week. I am confident it will go well and I'll be able to keep my cool. Agreeing with her and going NC for a couple of weeks was definitely the way to go. It gave me a new perspective. Thanks!
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