I think I should break up with him after a 5 years relationship

[alessia]

Hi, i'm new around here. I need your support because I think I should end my relationship but I really don't know how to.

 

I've been with my bf for more than 5 years. Last July things started to go bad. It's like i opened up my eyes and started to see something that i couldn't, or maybe didn't want to see (even if my brother and my friend tried to make me see).

 

Me and my bf are so different and we have two different ways of seeing life. I used to let him win, because I didn't want to fight for everything. I also tried to change things that he didn't like about me. And now I feel like I've lost myself during these years...I mean, the real me... Right now I feel like I'm more like him then like myself.

 

And even if i try so hard to make him happy, he always make me feel like I'm not good enough. He treat me bad, he makes me cry all the time. He knows exactly what to say to hurt me. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me at all.

 

I'm so tired of fighting, so tired of feeling guilty because I'm not perfect, tired of feeling that there's something wrong with me.

I'm tired of staying at his place but not actually live there because he wants me to keep my own place (you know, just in case...!!), so I have to keep all my stuff back home and drive from his place to mine everytime I need something. I'm tired of feel guilty because I have to study for my exams. It may sound weird but everytime that I have my exams (i'm attending nursing school) he gets mad at me. Maybe because I don't cook or clean, I don't know...

 

It shouldn't be like that, right? I should be happy to have him around, feel supported, feel loved... And I don't feel loved at all...

 

It's just that I'm so scared of breaking up with him. You know, after 5 years, it would be like losing a part of me. I don't know how I can go on without him, start a new life.

But actually I don't know how to go on with him either..

[wowIlose]

Well first of all... have you told him how you feel? Perhaps he's unaware that anything needs to change, after all if you let him get away with his behavior then hes going to think its fine. You need to let him know the way he treats you is not fine... talk to him. Give him a chance to change - maybe suggest going on a break. Clarify that the break is not to go sleep around but to take time away from each other for a week or two with no communication and then reassess the relationship at that point.

 

People usually don't change their ways till they are in that critical danger zone - if hes comfortable because you let him do this to you (treat you this way) then don't expect him to change, but maybe if you communicate things may change.

 

Worst case scenario if nothing changes and your still not happy then its time to move on. Don't drag it out if your heart isn't in it.

[alessia]

Well, I gave him the chance to change...

 

Last July we had this big fight where I told him how I felt, tried to make him understand my point of view, my needs. But the only answer he gave me was like: if you don't like things around here you can take your stuff and go back to your place..

It really broke my heart. I stayed for about 2 weeks at my place, with NC. But at the end I counld't take it anymore, I really missed him. So I went to see him, we fought again, then we tried a re-start.

 

But nothing changed. We went through other fights like that. And it was always me going back to him, trying to talk and to figure out how we can fix things and try to be happy together. But it's like we speak two different languages and we totally don't understand each other anymore.

 

You know, I used to think maybe he's right, i'm the one to blame if things are going so badly. And I really tried to fix things. But it can't be only me trying and changing. I'm sick of it...

[DSM-IV Tom]

God I love diagnosing people quickly.

 

My diagnosis?

 

Narcissist.

 

Drop his bitch ass. And pour water in his gas tank too.

[Template]

This does NOT sound like a healthy relationship whatsoever. You need to RUN, not walk, away from this dude, and soon. You are doing all that you can, even told him how you feel, and he's treating you basically like a doormat. Right now, what you need is self-respect, and being with him, you don't have any. A relationship is about give, and take, and compromises. Being in a relationship should mean that as a person you are better off with him, than without him. What are you scared of exactly; do you LIKE not being loved, not feeling loved, not feeling supported, not being happy? Different strokes for different folks, so if this is your thing, then by all means stay with the guy. Doesn't sound like it though.