kizik Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Just the thought of dating someone again fills me with dread. I hate listening to a woman talk, and talk, and talk, and emotionally exhaust me with her problems. At the same time, I love women and I'm turned on by them in a serious way. Do you guys think I'll ever meet someone who doesn't use me as a crutch?
Els Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You do have the option of the walking vagina or the automated sex doll. Take your pick. Wanting to talk to you about her problems and using you as a crutch is different.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I have always thought that a connection between people is very rare so when you find them, hold onto them. Relationships with people you don't click with are not only pointless but exhausting because you don't click, you don't TRULY get on and so you can't take them at their worst if you can't even take them at their best. If I remember rightly you came out of a bad break-up? So it is natural that for a long while you will be weary or reluctant to be involved in a relationship. Of course you will meet someone again. It is important to go into these kinds of things with your eyes wide open. Don't let your feelings run away with your rational mind and logic. Don't let feelings for people allow you to put your blinkers on. I'm sure if you met a woman that interested you, you would love to hear her talk and talk. Whereas obviously if you are meeting the wrong kinds of women, they will only bore and irritate you. Maybe also you are used to always being the 'listener' and you want someone who you can listen to, but will also listen back.
Author kizik Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 Great response, Nikki. You're right, if I found someone who fascinated me, I am sure I could listen to her talk all day. In the meantime, I saw my ex-girlfriend driving in MY neighborhood yesterday, so now I think she lives here... when does it end? Thanks for reading and responding.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Just the thought of dating someone again fills me with dread. I hate listening to a woman talk, and talk, and talk, and emotionally exhaust me with her problems. At the same time, I love women and I'm turned on by them in a serious way. Do you guys think I'll ever meet someone who doesn't use me as a crutch? Yeah. A hooker. Seriously... you need to put up with a certain amount of that to be with a woman. You mentioned that hearing a woman talk about her problems emotionally exhausts you. Is that because they're actually your problems (i.e. problems shared by both of you), or just hers? Because if they're just hers, I'm wondering if you get emotionally exhausted because you figure that's what she wants from you. Much of the time, when women unload to their partners about problems, it's NOT because they're looking for advice or solutions. They just want you to listen, be supportive, and be available. I've fallen into that trap before. Sometimes I'd get the perverse result where what I think is the right approach -- offering suggestions and solutions -- drags me into an argument, et voila... emotional involvement.
Author kizik Posted February 16, 2009 Author Posted February 16, 2009 You mentioned that hearing a woman talk about her problems emotionally exhausts you. Is that because they're actually your problems (i.e. problems shared by both of you), or just hers? I don't know, the last time I had to deal with is was almost a year ago, with my EXGF, and they were HER problems, not mine. Much of the time, when women unload to their partners about problems, it's NOT because they're looking for advice or solutions. They just want you to listen, be supportive, and be available. I definitely know this. I was supportive and supportive and listening and supportive and didn't offer advice unless asked and I still got dumped. I don't really give a sh*t anymore. My next GF will need to not be too talkative.
Enema Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 An old joke. Why do men talk to women? - Because they have vaginas.
You'reasian Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Just the thought of dating someone again fills me with dread. I hate listening to a woman talk, and talk, and talk, and emotionally exhaust me with her problems. At the same time, I love women and I'm turned on by them in a serious way. Do you guys think I'll ever meet someone who doesn't use me as a crutch? Set up your boundaries early. Explain that you want to be there for her, but you need it to be short and sweet - but say this in a way that doesn't put her off. Make sense? The longer she vents, the closer you will get friend-zoned.
knaveman Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 The title of the thread made me think of this http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.pubsignshop.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/MD-312_large.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.pubsignshop.com/page/P/PROD/MD-312&usg=__jTb3uFeZGQIcJxuin_oKAdbYGh4=&h=800&w=571&sz=134&hl=en&start=3&um=1&tbnid=zBoSmNizjEiLeM:&tbnh=143&tbnw=102&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dno%2Bmatter%2Bhow%2Bgood%2Bshe%2Bmay%2Blook%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 17, 2009 Posted February 17, 2009 I don't think it's the talking thats the issue K. I think you need a girlfriend who is more competent, independent and 'together'. Some people seek our relationships for an emotional, mental, physical crutch. They DEPEND on that person rather than love them. As such they will exhaust you and suck you dry until they feel stronger and then leave you. You need a woman who is capable of solving her own problems - then you will feel less exhausted by the relationship because there will be no expectations on you in this way. Look out for the people mature and strong enough for real relationships (there aren't many) and avoid the majority who use relationships for their own selfish reasons.
Author kizik Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Set up your boundaries early. Explain that you want to be there for her, but you need it to be short and sweet - but say this in a way that doesn't put her off. Make sense? The longer she vents, the closer you will get friend-zoned. Great advice. I will remember this. I think you need a girlfriend who is more competent, independent and 'together'. Some people seek our relationships for an emotional, mental, physical crutch. They DEPEND on that person rather than love them. As such they will exhaust you and suck you dry until they feel stronger and then leave you. You need a woman who is capable of solving her own problems - then you will feel less exhausted by the relationship because there will be no expectations on you in this way. Look out for the people mature and strong enough for real relationships (there aren't many) and avoid the majority who use relationships for their own selfish reasons. You hit it. You got it. You know what you're talking about. Thanks, Nikki.
Author kizik Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 The title of the thread made me think of this http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.pubsignshop.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/MD-312_large.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.pubsignshop.com/page/P/PROD/MD-312&usg=__jTb3uFeZGQIcJxuin_oKAdbYGh4=&h=800&w=571&sz=134&hl=en&start=3&um=1&tbnid=zBoSmNizjEiLeM:&tbnh=143&tbnw=102&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dno%2Bmatter%2Bhow%2Bgood%2Bshe%2Bmay%2Blook%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den Freaking hilarious!
Mahatma Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I used to feel this way. Have to listen to how their dog got sick and almost died countless times, have to here all about her "new" dog she got 3 years ago, have to listen about their "horribly exhausting" day every-frikin-day where really they did nothing but just tell you about the most minuscule things, then you must catalog your day, then you gotta buy her crap.. horrible. My relationships lasted 2-3 weeks maximum because I would get annoyed. ...Thennnnnn I found a girl I actually cared about and those problems vanished. They still happen, the difference is I enjoy and welcome them.
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