65tr6 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I am curious...BS/WS please share your experiences 1) How good/bad was your marriage ? 2) What did your spouse think ? 3) What did others think ? (guess if you have to) For own response 1) Not bad..Could have been better. 2) I had no clue ! (I guess I believed in dont ask dont tell policy) 3) Very good actually
jwi71 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 1) I thought it was fine - busy and stressed at the moment but otherwise fine. 2) The opposite of me! She felt neglected, ignored, marginalized and pretty much worthless. Sad part is, she was right. 3) We were the poster children of success. Luxury cars, luxury clothes, wining and dining...building new McMansion...all of it. Everyone was jealous at the OUTWARD APPEARANCE. My .02 - if its worth even that.
taylor Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I am curious...BS/WS please share your experiences 1) How good/bad was your marriage ? 2) What did your spouse think ? 3) What did others think ? (guess if you have to) 1) Emotionally disconnected. He was doing his own thing (work, TV, garage). I was doing my own thing (kids, gym, friends). Going up to bed alone. Conversation limited to kids, chores, bills, dinner. Felt undesireable, unappreciated, neglected, lonely, empty, bored. Wanted to go to MC. 2) He felt the same way but didn't know what to do about it, so he just tolerated it. Wishful thinking that it would just get better on its own. Was frustrated and irritable at times. Critical. Lashed out at me when he couldn't seem to make me happy. Closed up. Didn't want to go to MC. 3) We had the fairytale marriage..the one everyone envied...said how lucky we were...we didn't fight...still held hands...smooth functioning household. Only my stepmother in law noticed a change. Said she noticed us doing alot of things separately from each other...that we seemed more distant from each other when we were together.
punkygirl Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 1) How good/bad was your marriage ? 2) What did your spouse think ? 3) What did others think ? (guess if you have to) 1. I thought it was going really well at the time. Looking back on it now I see the cracks starting to form but it is always easy to play monday quaterback. I was unhappy because I still hadnt lost my baby weight from being pregnant with my then 4 year old and I also was unhappy at work and because I got married so young. PLus my H worked insane hours so I felt like a single mom so I lashed at him and nagged. He was unhappy for some of the same reasons and started pulling away. 2. He was much more aware of how bad it got but unlike me who swept it under the rug he did voice his concerns but i didnt take him seriosuly or listen. 3. Others, spare my parents, thought we had it made. Looks are deceiptive though.
Spark1111 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 1) The marriage was strained. We had been through five years of hell: unemployment caused by a back ailment (his) and a resulting pain med dependency, which he beat. I was worn out from the financial stress, raising teenagers, and grew somewhat resentful. It was then I wanted to go to counseling but he did not. I then grew hopeful we had turned a corner with new jobs and he was pain free! I was grateful for our new health and opportunities, believing we had turned a corner and everything was looking up. 2) He felt depressed, inadequate, and now under pressure to measure up in a prestigious, high-paying position. Amazing, isn't it, how two people in a marraige could be on such radically different pages? He did not communicate those feelings to me. 3) People admired our fortitude and were cheering us on. Relatives described us as "two ends of the same barbell" impressed with how well we had handled our adversity. Truly, people thought we had a strong marriage and a great family. I think we still can/do.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 1) From my perspective -- pretty damned good, overall. In fact, XW and I would occasionally talk about couples we knew who were having problems and about how much better our marriage was than theirs. Oh, things were stressful... we were in our 20s with two small kids, I was in school for three years of it so money was tight, could've been more sex, etc. ... but I believed that, fundamentally, she and I were solid and that we were getting to the end of the period of struggle. I had an assload of birthday, Xmas and holiday cards from her confirming what I felt. 2) Turns out, it was all a fraud. XW had secretly harboured massive doubts ever since the engagement 8 years earlier, and had spent most of the marriage feeling trapped and miserable. She had one affair during the engagement, another within a couple of months of the wedding, and at least one other after that. I knew about absolutely none of this until she dropped the bomb one day in August 2003. 3) Most people, I think, believed we had a pretty good marriage. That being said, however... when it became known that we were splitting up, a lot of them wondered right off the bat if she'd screwed around. Not me... her. Guess she gives off that cheater vibe.
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