misternoname Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Hello All, I've been posting on and off for the better part of a year. I'd like some input and advice...here's as brief of a synopsis of my situation as I can offer. My wife and I were high school sweethearts...married young. This June would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. Throughout our marriage my wife had several affairs spread out over time. The first was a young fling. I forgave and forgot. Years later she cheated again after feeling "un-sexy" post pregnancy. Once again, forgave and forgot (tried to forget!). A long time passed...everything was going great. i became very successful and was able to allow her not to work, live in a big house, nice cars, country club membership, etc. Four years ago she "fell in love" with a mutual friend. It ended horribly. I realize three strikes and you're out should have been my response. Instead we plodded along as if everything was OK. Fast forward to Feb 2008. I was just starting to heal from her latest indiscretion when I noticed some behavioral changes in her. Lots of girls nights out, discrepancies in her wherabouts, hidden email account, locked phone, etc. Based on her past I knew she was up to no good. Sure enough i found out she was hitting the bar scene, passing out her number and eventually hooking up with some creep she met at a club. She moved out with the intention of being alone, seeking therapy and "figuring out what the F was wrong with her." She said she cut things off with the dude and had no intention of dating. Within two weeks of the start of her sabatical she revealed that was indeed wanting to date (when in fact she already was). Apparently she immediately hooked up with a younger guy who now is the love of her life (whatever). I filed for divorce and started dating myself. I went out with several women and was generally having a pretty good time. All the while she vacilated from wanting to reconcile to returning to Mr. Wonderful. Months later I met a fantastic woman that I ended up falling for and going exclusive with. The holidays rolled around and my soon to be ex more or less seduced me. We spent the week of Christmas together and acted like a married couple for that brief time. I felt horribly guilty that I was sleeping with my ex while still holding on to the girlfreind. As soon as the reality of life superceded the emotions of the holidays, my ex ran back to her man and I slithered back to my girlfriend. The divorce should be final next week. I'm sad but resigned that it has to happen and ultimately will be a good thing. Now I'm struggling as to what to do with the girlfriend. I do care about her and certainly don't want to hurt her but I'm so confused. Part of me says, damn...divorced means I can have a legitimate realtionship with her. Another part of me wants to just be alone and mess around with whoever I can get my hands on! I can already hear your responses....REBOUND...BE CAREFUL, etc. Ideally I'd like to casually date my girlfriend but we got so deep so quick I'm not sure she could handle ramping back. What to do, what to do????
suzanne2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You need to be true to yourself, but you cannot do to this girl what your wife did to you. Just think back to how terrible it felt when you found out your wife betrayed you. Do you want to inflict those feelings on someone that does not deserve it? I am not a religious person by any stretch of the imagingation nor am I anywhere near perfect, but do unto others as you would want done onto you. Be kind to her.
sunshinegirl Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Ugh. You are being completely selfish with respect to your girlfriend. However crappy your wife has behaved, you are now not taking responsibility for your own crappy behavior - you're blaming your wife for seducing you and causing you to cheat on your girlfriend. That's utter BS. Please break up with your girlfriend, for HER sake as much as your own.
Gunny376 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Relationships? Easy to get into, but can be difficult to maintain, and oftentimes ever harder to get out of. The right time to get into one is when your completely happy and content with being alone. That is to say ~ you don't need one, but want one.
mark982 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 i'd go really easy, on getting into any relationship.you're just ending 25 yrs. hell go out have fun.LOTS of women will enjoy work company.
edgeof27 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Mr No Name, guess we are all human, your wife, (serial cheater, works you over the holidays), you hook-up, 99.9% of us guys would have done the same, your girlfriend, (where was she at the holidays), you might want to let her know about the festive celebrations, &, let her make her mind up, you, you say you would like to be single for a while, well make it so number one, we only live once, make the most of it, it's all about open honest communications, we are all adults, it's the secrets that we can't handle, don't beat yourself up, move ahead, be strong, g...
Mr. Lucky Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I can already hear your responses....REBOUND...BE CAREFUL, etc. Ideally I'd like to casually date my girlfriend but we got so deep so quick I'm not sure she could handle ramping back. What to do, what to do???? Really, only you can decide whether to tell your GF about sleeping with your ex. It happens more than you might think. But the ongoing relationship with your GF, given your stated goal of "casual dating", is unfair to her. No surprise that you're having trouble figuring out what you want, after 25 years of marriage single life is new to you. Tell her honestly your thoughts and let her determine her role in the future of the relationship. She deserves at least that.... Mr. Lucky
Recommended Posts