justletgo07 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I haven't spoken to her in almost a month by my choice. Woke up to these texts from my ex: "Hey, I just wanted you to know that you don't need to worry about deciding whether or not we can be friends. That's not what I want anymore" "I guess sometimes you have to break up with someone to get people to tell you the truth about them." So now she is trying to control me by hurting my feelings.... ::sigh:: WHY?!!
quankanne Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 simple. She wants revenge for some reason. block her butt.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 by my choice This is the backlash of NC. She's got something to say to you, that's not been or being addressed. Resentments that build over time without being addressed, can and will fester. I wouldn't take it necessarily as an indication of interest. People break up usually for reasons of incompatibilities, where communication and perception of a lack of caring are usually at the top of the resentment pyramid. You can break NC to find out what it's about although you also open yourself up to her lashing out at you for resentments harboured. It's up to you whether or not you're in a position where you're strong enough to take it, so you can drill down beyond that, to find out if there's anything worth salvaging. She's obviously trying to maintain some kind, any kind of connection and is thinking about you, albeit in a negative light.
heartbroken55 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Just ignore her... when I sent my ex nasty text messages and she ignored them I got even more pissed...
Ronni_W Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I'm not seeing anything "mean" in her texts. The first one suggests that she was under the impression that you've been "worrying" about making a decision as to whether or not YOU want to be friends with her. EVEN IF you weren't actually worrying about that, it appears to be what she thought. So, it was very kind of her, IMO, to even consider letting you know that she's made her own assessments and decisions about it, releasing you from any worrying that you may have been doing over the same thing. Puzzling thing is WHY she'd be thinking that YOU were in process of trying to decide on whether or not to be friends with her? I can't imagine that YOU gave her that impression, and then left her hanging in 'limbo land' for a month. Cos, from your post, it doesn't sound as if you would try to control her by hurting her feelings.
DSM-IV Tom Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 This ***** sounds heartless/cruel. Unless its YOU who broke up with HER. If YOU broke up with HER, then those messages are easily justified. But if SHE broke up with YOU and is sending those because you're ignoring her to heal, then you should probably tell her she's fat, she's ugly, she smells, her family is psycho, she's psycho, she's annoying, all your friends thought she was ugly, and she should probably pay more attention at (or go back to) school, because she is so not intelligent. Only do this to her if she ripped out your heart and took it this step further. Or just ignore her.
Author justletgo07 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 She broke up with me. She claims I lied to her about something that happened almost 3 years ago at the beginning of our relationship, and then that i supposedly told her brother-in-law that marrying her was completely out of the question. She basically said I led her on and that there were so many lies that she doesn't even really know me. ::sigh::
You'reasian Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 She broke up with me. She claims I lied to her about something that happened almost 3 years ago at the beginning of our relationship, and then that i supposedly told her brother-in-law that marrying her was completely out of the question. She basically said I led her on and that there were so many lies that she doesn't even really know me. ::sigh:: Keep it going NC. Ignore her contact.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 So what's the truth, justletgo? Have you ever explained the truth to her? Also, what reason would people have, to lie about you?
Author justletgo07 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 The truth is that those things aren't true. We already talked about what happened 3 years ago. Did I make a mistake? Yes! Did I break her trust? Yes! But I came clean about everything, and I have spent the last 3 years apologizing and trying to earn back her trust. I also didn't tell her brother-in-law those things. If anything, I just told him I wasn't ready for marriage yet, and she knew that too. I never led her to believe anything different. I don't know why people would lie about me? People enjoy gossip and causing controversy. There also could have been some sort of misunderstanding. I don't feel like I ever had a chance to explain myself. She already seems so convinced it is all true, and she never asked me once for my side of the story. To me, I feel like no matter what I do, I can't win. I was under the impression this was supposed to be a supportive community, but you don't seem to be very supportive, Trialbyfire. You almost seem as though you think I deserve this. It would be different if I broke up with her...but she left me. I've spent months working on bettering myself and working on my relationship deficiencies...I am a good person and I was a good boyfriend...
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I'm throwing some thoughts and questions your way. IF you're solely looking for validation of rightness, then you're correct, I'm not the person for the job. The only person who can control your thoughts and actions are you. That's why my push is towards perception, your perception. Every action you take, will have a consequence. Every inaction you take will have a consequence.
Author justletgo07 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 I'm throwing some thoughts and questions your way. IF you're solely looking for validation of rightness, then you're correct, I'm not the person for the job. I'm not solely looking for validation. I suppose the manner in which you have thrown thoughts and questions my way has come off a tad judgemental. But perhaps I'm misreading it... The only person who can control your thoughts and actions are you. That's why my push is towards perception, your perception. Every action you take, will have a consequence. Every inaction you take will have a consequence. Yes, I would say this is incredibly obvious.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I'm not solely looking for validation. I suppose the manner in which you have thrown thoughts and questions my way has come off a tad judgemental. But perhaps I'm misreading it... Yes, I would say this is incredibly obvious. Is this the way you've dealt with your g/f in the past?
Author justletgo07 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 Forgive me. I am upset, and I imagine I've taken your remarks the wrong way. I'm no doubt coming off as being passive-agressive, and I apologize. And no, this is not the typical way I interacted/dealt with my ex.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 And I apologize for coming across as unsympathetic. It's not even close to the truth. When break ups happen, everyone reinvents history. It's a form of coping. This includes your g/f, you, I and the kitchen sink. We all want a fair shake at getting to the truth. Most often, if only one party wants this, you'll never get there. But... You know your ex better than any other internet person. How does she react to mature discussion? Is her sole take, her perspective only? Can she listen, understand and validate your opinion? If not, it will only be an exercise in frustration to explain, explain and explain on deaf ears. You decide which kind of person she is. Then you decide on your course of action, whether to break NC to tackle the truth or to continue on with NC, heal and finally move on.
Geishawhelk Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I just think that as you weren't acknowledging her simpering posts, she figures getting a rise out of you by digging up old past issues is one good way to get you riled. She was right. She also figured it would be one good way to get you to finally respond to her. She was wrong. two wrongs don't make a right, but a wrong and a right make it right. And three rights make a left. (I know. People always try it. It works, see....?)
redmelon Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Have you spoken to the brother-in-law to find out why he is saying these things about you, or try to correct the misunderstanding with him?
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