dreamergrl Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Today I have to let down my date from last night and tell him I don't see it working out. I have yet another guy who wants to see me on Saturday. So this one I'm feeling pretty good about. He's 26, good looking from what I can tell, has the goal of being a pilot, goes into a date with the same mind frame as myself, we seem to like doing a lot of the same things, the conversations we've had made me laugh (big plus!), just a bunch of little things that give me a good feeling. I'm bound to meet a guy that interests me sooner or later, right?!?!
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You're putting WAY too much pressure on yourself and these guys, woman! You're entering these MEETINGS hoping that they will turn into a relationship, and immediately become disappointed when it doesn't. You gotta change that mindset. Instead, treat these MEETINGS not as dates (because really, they aren't dates yet) but simply as an opportunity to meet someone new. It's really no different than, say, bumping into someone at the grocery store, finding them interesting, and agreeing right then and there to go get some coffee to keep chatting. You don't go into the grocery store hoping you'll leave with a budding relationship, and these meetings really shouldn't be treated any differently. That way, you won't be disappointed over and over and over again. Dating is a numbers game, particularly when you're online dating, so you're going to have to go through the meeting process many times before you find someone you'll want to see again and again and again. Don't set yourself up for disappointment by thinking this way.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 I wasn't disappointed with the last one. It just wasn't going to turn into anything more. The first one, yeah I was a little disappointed. But that's life. It happens. I'm not crying over spilled milk.
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Then why say, "Third time's the charm" if not because you're hoping something will come of a meeting? I think your expectations going into these first meetings is just too high. I'm not saying you should give a dud a second chance when there's no spark. But even with the dud, in asking whether to give him a second chance, it seems like you were on the verge of trying to force something that's not there. Like you did with your ex-BF at the beginning. Just "let it happen," ya know?
Author dreamergrl Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 Because eventually one would think I'd meet someone I'd want to go out with a second time, which hasn't been happening. Sometimes I'm not sure if I should go for round two. If it would be worth my time, worth the effort or not. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just being overly picky. I've been like that in the past, and am not always sure where to draw the line.
Star Gazer Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Because eventually one would think I'd meet someone I'd want to go out with a second time, which hasn't been happening. "Which hasn't been happening"? You've only been out with two guys, from online no less. Give yourself a chance! Patience, young grasshopper.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Hey dreamergirl, I dated a military flyboy for fun for awhile, years ago. They're great for a fling but nothing serious. It wouldn't have surprised me if he had a girl in every port. Does this guy want to be a commercial pilot or is he in the military?
Author dreamergrl Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 "Which hasn't been happening"? You've only been out with two guys, from online no less. Give yourself a chance! Patience, young grasshopper. LOL okay okay. I just want to meet someone that I can keep getting to know better. I don't want to jump into anything. But yes, patience. Hey dreamergirl, I dated a military flyboy for fun for awhile, years ago. They're great for a fling but nothing serious. It wouldn't have surprised me if he had a girl in every port. Does this guy want to be a commercial pilot or is he in the military? He is in the air force.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 He is in the air force. Consider the mentality of a guy who won't be around on a regular basis and is a big time risktaker, enjoying the lifestyle. Men like this aren't ready to settle down, if you're looking for a long-term relationship style man. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a fling, as long as both of you are in the same mindset. I do advise that you don't emotionally invest in someone like this.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 He had the chance to go off, but he chose to stay with his family, as his dad had just passed. After his enlistment is over he wants to go to flight school and become a flight instructor. I'm not ready to jump into anything right at this time. But I will keep that in mind. Thanks TBF
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 If this guy is of similar mindset, be prepared to be swooned like you've never been before! Fun, as long as you don't invest!
Oliveman Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Consider the mentality of a guy who won't be around on a regular basis and is a big time risktaker, enjoying the lifestyle. Men like this aren't ready to settle down, if you're looking for a long-term relationship style man. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a fling, as long as both of you are in the same mindset. I do advise that you don't emotionally invest in someone like this. Hmmm I've never dated a guy that was in the Air Force (well I've never dated any guys haha) but don't you think it a touch closed minded to make a generalization about pilots in the military based off of your one experience? I'm sure there's a lot of really good men in these situations, and maybe this guys a great guy. I don't agree with painting people with such broad strokes. Even if you dated 1,000,000 guys in the Air Force, you've never dated this guy and he may be perfect for a relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Hmmm I've never dated a guy that was in the Air Force (well I've never dated any guys haha) but don't you think it a touch closed minded to make a generalization about pilots in the military based off of your one experience? I'm sure there's a lot of really good men in these situations, and maybe this guys a great guy. I don't agree with painting people with such broad strokes. Even if you dated 1,000,000 guys in the Air Force, you've never dated this guy and he may be perfect for a relationship. That's true but on the otherhand, why would any woman want a man who's rarely at home, for a viable long-term relationship? Why invest in the long-shot with a guy who's a risk-taker when you can find the same, if not better, with someone who you can actually spend time with?
GoneButNotForgotten Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 It actually depends on what he flies. Remember the air force is not all fighter jets stationed overseas. A large part of them are transport planes. I have a friend that is a loadmaster in the AF and he is doing his 2nd tour in Iraq. They only stay over there for 3 months though. He says there is a huge difference in attitudes based on what they fly. A lot of the fighter jocks tend to be the big risk takers and wild children. The transport pilots and tanker pilots are just regular guys that happen to enjoy flying. Everyone is different, but certain types of people are attracted to it. One thing I will give them credit for is that all pilots out of the military are actually very intelligent. They go through some of the toughest training in terms of mental capacity.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 It actually depends on what he flies. Remember the air force is not all fighter jets stationed overseas. A large part of them are transport planes. I have a friend that is a loadmaster in the AF and he is doing his 2nd tour in Iraq. They only stay over there for 3 months though. He says there is a huge difference in attitudes based on what they fly. A lot of the fighter jocks tend to be the big risk takers and wild children. The transport pilots and tanker pilots are just regular guys that happen to enjoy flying. Everyone is different, but certain types of people are attracted to it. One thing I will give them credit for is that all pilots out of the military are actually very intelligent. They go through some of the toughest training in terms of mental capacity. Good analytics. Yes, the flyboy I dated was a fighter pilot. Crazy man but so much fun!
Author dreamergrl Posted February 13, 2009 Author Posted February 13, 2009 Lets not get to far ahead of ourselves here He goes to his base once a month. He eventually wants to become a flight instructor. And I haven't met him yet, and am not looking to go into a full blown relationship right away.
Star Gazer Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 He eventually wants to become a flight instructor. In that case he'll end up permanently stationed in San Antonio at Randolph. Just tread with caution. This is no different than someone telling you they have plans to go to grad school on the opposite coast from you, or something.
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