dsuhiti Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Hi, first post here - really want to talk about this to someone for opinions. OK, my girlfriend and I have been dating close to 3 months now and we are both 18. Our relationship has been spectacular, we love each each other and we truly believe we are perfect for each other (I know its been 3 months, but we just know it). Both of us *did it* for the first time with each other and we just trust each other etc, and we are one of those couples who are just comfortable around one another. Eg: I completely dressed her for work, she fed me like a baby this morning. Anyway - today while we were just lying on the couch, just talking, cuddling etc, my girlfriend for some reason let out a tear and just started crying for no reason. I didn't understand and tried to comfort her and asked her to talk about whatever was going on. After minutes of convincing, she said that her next door neighbor (also 18 - they went out about a year ago and are still a bit of friends) kissed her while she came over his house to catch up. She said that he just came on and kissed her, although the kiss didn't last long as she pulled away seconds later and ran away back home. This happened about a month and a bit ago (when we started getting serious), and she couldn't take the guilt any longer and decided to tell me - which of course is a good thing. My question is though, she didn't initiate the kiss and she still felt guilty about it...but should I be worried? I told her that its not her fault, but of course I still felt kinda angry and upset about it after all of the things we have shared during the few months. I just love her so much that I can't describe it and she is stunning, so no wonder other guys check her out/want her, though she is not one of those people to let loose on anyone, I know that she loves me so much too. First thing she said after she started crying was "Please don't leave me, i would kill myself" (as an expression of course). I just don't know what to think or do, so can anyone please guide me to any suggestions or explanations!! Thanks in advance, and if anyone has any questions - just ask!
Squirtal Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Hi She might have held back from you because it was such an early point in your R and she didn't want to scare you off that she was recieving attention. She didn't respond to him and has obvioulsy felt uncomfortable about it. Same thing happened to me..except he wasn't an ex he was just my next door neighbour...he went in for a kiss and the shock made mef reeze at first..then i just walked into my flat and shut the door. I didn't say anything to my partner at first because we had only just started dating and I didn't want him to think that he had competition..I did however let him know the guy was on my case when my neighbour started getting full on. My partner offered to have a word, but I said I could deal with it..and if it got too bad then I would take him up on the offer. The guy soon got the message, and I soon moved out of the apartments and moved in with my fella. Don't worry..sounds like it was not a mutual kiss and she just feels bad.
lkjh Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Ask a few more questions. Like what were you doing there? Were you alone with him? Did he flirt prior to this kiss? She may be telling the truth but a lot of time people minimize their part in a mess like this. People also make a lot mistakes, especially when they are young. Find out is she liked him at the time. Only reason I say this is because most of the time there is a lot more to the story. Good luck
quankanne Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 unless she's involved with him on the side, I honestly don't think a stolen (and unwanted) kiss is something to be concerned about because YOU are obviously the one she wants to be with. Smacking the other guy upside the head for being a jackass is cool, though ... put it behind you, and move forward. I know she feels bad about it, but y'all don't need the drama in your relationship. Especially if her heart is set solidly in your hands.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I guess as long as she didn't initiate the kiss and she pulled away and left, then its not her fault. If that is, of course, you believe her. But maybe now she will be careful not to take it upon herself to go visit some other "boy" alone.
lamaman3 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Shes playing you. There was no reason for her to tell you this...So why did she do it? Notice now you "love her so much." Girls know guys are competitive. By spinning a story of how she was taken advantage of she simultaneously lets you know you have competition and gets you more invested in her, while simultaneously portraying herself as an "innocent girl who was taken advantage of" that you have to protect. Shes turning you into a provider.
chrislovestosurf Posted February 14, 2009 Posted February 14, 2009 no worries brah, youre dating a hottie and there are some real dickheads out there who will chase her even if they know you are serious with her. She told you, she didnt initiate it. I would act concerned if I was you but dont make an issue out of it and act jealous or else it might make you look weak. Dont let this guy get between you two and tell her that she needs to convey to this dude that she is spoken for. Also, he hit her once so maybe you should kick his ass if he tries it again. Or maybe because he did it period.
bearhugs Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 hey bro im 29 and have been in that crappy boat a few times. Look, she told you that something happened and it definately sucks. She cant take that back and you digging deeper may hurt you even worse. My advice to you is to try and explain to her that avoiding a situation is easier than getting out of one. As far as im concerned they better be done catching up. there is nothing left to catch up on. Guys will continue to try and hook up with your gf for the rest of your life...trust me i still go through it. the bottom line is that she has to be responsible enough to avoid uncomfortable encounters like that one. if she keeps getting in these situations from now on, then she probably isnt worth the the trouble. Give her that advice and enjoy eachother.......
voldigicam Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 If it's a real story, it's still just a kiss. Sometimes mutual kisses just happen for no apparent reason. And go nowhere. Example. Elevator. Person I'd worked with lots from another company. In my suit and tie days. She popped into elevator. Doors closed. She reached for button for her floor, straightened up, we were close, I was thinking of something else. Then we looked at each other, her head tilted, and with a little bit of shock and surprise her tongue was in my mouth. Just for a moment. Our eyes met again, we stepped back. Clearly we both looked shocked! The door opened. Looked at each other. She shrugged and laughed. I smiled. We never ever spoke of this again. What was up with that? So sometimes it's just a kiss from nowhere, an odd gift from who knows what alternative universe. The total surprise from both of us was really intense. It's not as if we're super models! Just a middle aged mom with too much makeup. Very very odd, and very hot in its own way. Then there's the covert stalker kiss attack, which is a different thing. That's happened to me and is disturbing. If that's what's involved here, then letting out the tension is a reasonable thing. Odd events happen in life and relationships. Possibly best to just roll with them. Ran into my girlfriend years ago on a camping trip. Mysterious illusion of my best friend slamming into her and her moaning loudly. I just went on. Asked her about it. She just said it seemed like a good idea at the time. I don't think it happened again, it was just that weird stuff. I married her anyway. Just a wild streak. Very straight laced with breakouts of odd behavior - that's a pattern, too. If you can't handle decompensation and periodic weirdness then marriage probably isn't good for you. Long relationships can be pretty dang odd!
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