talk_me_out_of_it Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Long story short--I'm a 35 yo female, he's a 36 yo male. We were close friends for five years (flirted but each dated other people, supportively discussed those relationships as friends do; I didn't feel jealous of his women during those times, nor did I feel distracted from my relationships). Then a year ago, when both single, we hooked up. It was supposed to be one of those, eh, let's try it once types of things...it continued weekly for a year. A relationship didn't really ensue. We always communicated daily--this was just a weekly added element. Surely more emotions became involved, but no promises were made--I didn't think it was "going anywhere" (though I'm a monogamous sort, I'm not a traditional sort) but I thought it was great and would have been happy to maintain status quo. He ended it 2 weeks ago. He didn't detail why, and I didn't ask. I didn't beg/plead, I simply said I was sad and needed time before I could talk. Could be another woman, could be boredom, could be he wants something more. I cried for a day but I'm not plagued by that must-talk-to-him madness that I've suffered from having been dumped before. Question 1: I'm not sure if I'm feeling better-than-expected because the relationship wasn't really much of a relationship or if it's because it's the first time I've ever gone NC. Thoughts? Question 2: The five years friends first doesn't really exempt me from NC does it? Truth is, if I'm still attracted to this fellow and he wants to dish about his dates the way we used to...it's going to break my heart, isn't it? The urge to do our pre-hookup daily back and forth is intense. I need to be told (nicely though I'm a bit fragile) that this is the risk I took dabbling in intimacy with a close friend. I need to be told not to just send him a "you won't believe what I saw today" email...no good can come of that, can it? Thank you
BCCA Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I'm sorry youre hurting, it sounds like a really crappy situation. I'll answer your questions as best as I can. Question 1: I'm not sure if I'm feeling better-than-expected because the relationship wasn't really much of a relationship or if it's because it's the first time I've ever gone NC. Thoughts? I think its because you knew it wasnt going anywhere, even though you wanted to believe otherwise. I've been there before, and when it finally crumbled before my eyes, it was almost like I either DID see it coming, or should have. It still hurt, as Im sure it does for you, but its probably what you expected all along. Question 2: The five years friends first doesn't really exempt me from NC does it? Truth is, if I'm still attracted to this fellow and he wants to dish about his dates the way we used to...it's going to break my heart, isn't it? No, NC is the only way to go. People forget what it is that freinds do, which is discuss dates and women they think are cute, etc...and it doesnt sound like thats good for you right now. Maybe someday you guys can be there again, but crossing the line from friends to more, and then back, usually takes a very long time. Dont worry about if/when you contact him again, when youre in a better place those things will work themself out. Do not send him an email/text/call/note/etc. Its going to be a huge and utter dissapointment, everytime.
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