Whitefox123 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 [sIZE=2]So as you can see by my previous posts, I was engaged and when it ended there was a lot of pain and heartache. Almost 8 months have gone by and I’ve realized that I still care deeply about him despite things that have happened. I actually started dating someone a few weeks ago (however this person never made any moves to kiss me or ever told me I was cute/beautiful….even after 5 dates…leading me to believe that maybe we weren’t on the same page as we weren’t a couple or anything….we were still in the getting to know you phase.) . Once I started dating this person, my ex came crawling back to me. At first, I was acting tough about it, but after almost a week, I decided that I want to give him another chance. I’ve never seen him be this sincere about things (I found out that he deleted all of his “personals” profiles…match.com yahoo…etc) and he is doing a lot of things he never did before (texting me, writing me sweet notes and even telling other people exactly how he feels about me.) Because I miss him and still love him, I want to give him a second chance. But the thing is…I’m really worried about what other people (in particular some of my friends and coworkers) are going to think. I don’t want to start drama by getting back with him, but we were together nearly 3 years…we were supposed to get married this July and even though we had our differences in the past, we always would up back in each others arms. We also always made sure never to go to bed mad and I was looking back at old pictures of us and you can just see the love between the two of us. I miss him…plain and simple. (even if he was a jerk…I’ve still had unconditional love for him). I just don’t know what to do because I don’t want to hurt those around me. Also, I feel so bad about the guy I started dating. (We met online and he’s told me he still talks to other girls on there and I see him online from time to time if I go to check stuff out on mine…but I’m not talking to anyone, just want to see if he sends me anything so at the same time I almost feel like it wont be a huge loss to him.) [/sIZE] [sIZE=2]Should I just follow my heart (and use my head of course) and not really care what everyone else will say/think? I need some reassurance on this. (I have had about 4 people tell me already that even though they don’t like what he’s done to me, if I want him back they’ll stand by me…but one of my friends will seriously kill me….) We’re 23 as well, we aren’t young teens or anything like that! And what should I do about the guy that I’m “dating”? [/sIZE] [sIZE=2][/sIZE]
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 TAKE IT SLOW. Don't be intimate with him and let him chase you, prove to you that he's worth taking the risk. Let him know this as well, that he has ONE shot here and that's it.
artemisentreri Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Please wait more than a week to take him back! If you don't, it really won't last and he may leave again. The more you work for something, the more you will appreciate it. It happened to me...
Ronni_W Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Once I started dating this person, my ex came crawling back to me. ... I’ve never seen him be this sincere about things …I’m really worried about what other people (in particular some of my friends and coworkers) are going to think. I don’t want to start drama by getting back with him, ...And what should I do about the guy that I’m “dating”? Easy part is about the guy you're "not really dating" -- at this point, it really doesn't sound as if you are too interested in him, or emotionally available to get involved with anyone else. As far as reconciling with your ex, the only thing to NOT care about is whether or not it will "disappoint" or "hurt" others. They could be giving your valuable, objective input, so it would be wise to consider their opinions as part of your decision-making process. But that is far different from only making decisions that you think/hope will keep everyone else (or the majority of them) happy and comfortable. That's not your responsibility or obligation. If THEY are going to get all dramatic over YOUR adult decisions, that is THEIR business and problem. Advise them to go into therapy so they can get clearer on what constitutes appropriate boundaries, and learn how to NOT try to control or manipulate, or be negatively affected by, the choices that other people make about their own lives. As you say, your ex only found renewed interest in you once you started dating. Jealousy is not a good foundation on which to base a relationship. Of more importance to any happy, successful, long-term future together is what you've each done, individually, to be able to more effectively work out those relationship/personality differences that you two had in the past. One way to find out if he is serious and genuinely sincere about getting back together would be to ask him if he is willing to go to relationship counseling with you.
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