bermuda Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Have been with partner for 14 years, enagaged for 5. We have known each other for 25 years since children. He left me a note Christmas eve telling me its over. Since then I have discovered he spent thousands on escorts which hes been seein for years and has other women and now has been leading a double life with another girl. We are in our mid thirties. My life has been blown apart. I cant seem to get over this. I still love him and know this is not right. I have cried my eyes out since Christmas, taken pills done the lot. I cant seem to move forward as I still love this guy...so am still wanting him back. I cant understand why I feel this way. I have lost weight and never want to get up in a morning. Hes been my life. I adored this guy and now I still want him back. What is wrong with me!!!!!, Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Have been with partner for 14 years, enagaged for 5. We have known each other for 25 years since children. He left me a note Christmas eve telling me its over. Since then I have discovered he spent thousands on escorts which hes been seein for years and has other women and now has been leading a double life with another girl. We are in our mid thirties. My life has been blown apart. I cant seem to get over this. I still love him and know this is not right. I have cried my eyes out since Christmas, taken pills done the lot. I cant seem to move forward as I still love this guy...so am still wanting him back. I cant understand why I feel this way. I have lost weight and never want to get up in a morning. Hes been my life. I adored this guy and now I still want him back. What is wrong with me!!!!!, Addiction. In time the need you feel will begin to fade. Link to post Share on other sites
TOWinNYC Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Bermuda, I am so sorry you're having to go through this right now. I hope you are going to counseling and are surrounding yourself with some good friends (you know, the ones you can call at 2am and cry with). It's never easy to handle a break up and yours had the additional weight of history. I don't know if I would classify this as "addiction" per se - but I do agree that it will take TIME to get over it and for the intense feelings to fade. He may have been your life - but you need to go live YOURS. I know you're hurting right now and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel - but trust me, there are now unimaginable possibilities that exist for you in the future. But you need to be good to yourself and heal first. And give yourself time to grieve. Link to post Share on other sites
Holding-On Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Bermuda, Please cut yourself some slack. If you knew someone almost your entire life, especially from when you were both children then you'd assume you knew them. Then 14 years together. Wow. In your shoes I would feel surreal and wonder if I knew anything about anyone. Love does not automatically die. It is going to take your heart a while to process that there is this whole other side to him that you have not known in a quarter of a century of co-existing with him. That's a pretty big shock. Especially on Christmas Eve. You've only had 2 months. So there is nothing wrong with you. Get tested for STDs though since he's been with so many partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bermuda Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Hi. Thankyou to the two kind people that have taken time to reply. Im a young woman and at the moment I feel like I dont even know myself. I try and sleep and for a split second I am ok then I wake up to the nightmare I am in. I still love this guy, my Fiancee and yet I feel most healthy womwn would hate him. Ive tried to but I still want to fight for him. I cry hour on hour. I thought I would be having a baby this year not fighting for my sanity. ITs awful as I feel if he had battered me then I could deal with it but this is sending me out my mind. I took tablets the other day then realised that it was wrong to put my life at risk. Luckily someone up above didnt want it to be my day! I cant function as I love him. I almost acceot the prostitution..that cant be right. I cant eat and have no food in my cupboards as I cant bear to see food. I just wanted to be a lovely mum, and a great wife. I gave unconditional love to my Fiancee. We have met and talked and I just want him to take me in his arms. Hes even spoken to me saying his heads a mess hes not happy and who he is with now is not what it would thought it would be. Im a bright girl, attractive, workout and have lots of male friends but right now I cant even look at myself. I want him back and feel I will fight till I drop. I have been starved of affection from him..I feel like a child who would do anything to please anyone. Im kind, take pride in how I look have a beautiful home and hes been leading a life I never knew. I feel broken totaly broken and feel like Ive lost my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 (((((bermuda))))) I am sorry for the devastation that you feel now; I really am. Why in the world would anyone be engaged for 5 years? That sort of indicates that one of you at least didn't want to be married. Thank heavens that you didn't wind up pregnant before now, because I think he would have bolted then and left a fatherless child. Are you seeing a therapist? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bermuda Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 Hi.No am not seeing a therapist..I can hardly leaving the house. I feel a wreck. I have nothing left to give to me. Am doing all the usual smoking,, drinking, crying..I work as a Fitness Consultant so all of this out of character I never do any of the the above, ever!!. What I try to explain to my friends, is that I am in love with him. He is my best friend, fiance, and my life for years. We never fought, we laughed and cried our way through everything. Our home is beautiful. I am numb with shock and pain. SO please how do I function, what I have known for 14years has just left with a letter. I have never cried so much. I am 36 years old and lost all the ability to function. I want him back and all I seem to do is ring him up and cry and beg!! I just love the guy so I need to think sensibly and cant. I seem to have lost me right now x Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 ********* S L A P ************ HEY! you need to wake up.. and get back on to your life.. how pathetic.. really .. how can you totally ruin yourself for a guy who doesn't give a sh*t... Come on! ... it's not the end of the world.. I know it's hard but no one ever die from a heartbreak... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bermuda Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 hi lizzie, thank you for the slap! I hear you I really do but at the moment its not like that for me, one day I might feel that slap good n proper but today I wont. What you say is sensible but I cant help who I fell in love with..so for now as barking mad as it sounds I want to fight. I might meet someone along my fighting journey..but I just want to fight for him. It makes me sound stupid and pathetic but it is right for me now. x Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I can understand the fighting for something loved aspect. Very well. I'm not sure how to fight in this circumstance. Seems you've been the familiar, the comfortable, the patsy, the dull one. I doubt he'd return to that. If you were unfamiliar, different, new, sharp, and unwilling to be disrespected. Then perhaps you'd be attractive. The same thing seen in a different way. A remake might do that. Out of shape? Join a cycling club and get a hot road bike. A terminal T shirt nerd? Get some modeling training. Reinvent yourself. Then push it in his face. Want this? Beg for it. And if that doesn't work, well, you've reinvented yourself and can stand on your own. Worked for me. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 My first suggestion is to see a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
sw1911ct Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 What you say is sensible but I cant help who I fell in love with I understand what you're saying but isn't it incredibly obvious that this is NOT the guy you fell in love with? If you had known his true character you would never have fallen for him in the first place. Consider yourself lucky, given the circumstances, that you found out who he really is before you got married, had kids, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bermuda Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 Yes I know most normal people would run a mile and I thought I would be that girl but Im not. Common sense would be to laugh and carry on with me but really cant. Maybe that day will come to me but today again its not. I feel so low so low. Im an attractive girl look after my body because of my job in fitness, take care of me and have lots of male firends and admirers and since my partner had left I am not short or attention. BUT this makes me want to crawl even futher into hole. His friends always used to joke with him how did he ever get a girl like me, but he did because I fell deeply in love with him . I am bright educated, traveled the world, but my lifes fell to bits without him . Am such a loving girl always putting his needs before mind. I dressed well always elegant and quirky, to he point where friends constantly wanted to take me shopping to buy their clothes. I loved to look great with a smile on my face but now its all gone. I cant even look at myself in the mirror as it makes me scream. I just want him back so badly. ITs like in 24hours my life fell apart.So I want to fight really fight but in the state I am in I wouldnt want me back. I cry 24 hours a day and have done this since Christmas eve. Ive took tablets had to ring for an ambyulance..crazy things that if you saw me would wonder why...but I cant stop how I feel. I just want me back so he can look and think oh god what have I done. I just want him back am not crazy just a girl in love. SO i have to take deep breaths and move me into action. But this is the hardest thing ive ever done in my 36 years x Link to post Share on other sites
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