lofi_tokyo Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 A friend of mine broke up with his ex maybe 3-4 months ago, after about two months into the break up, we kind of started talking, but after two weeks I called it off, realizing he just was not ready to go after another relationship. He seemed happy in his life, but very aloof. Now it seems hes having problems with his ex again. His facebook status' are all very depressing, and he's really putting himself down. I want to call him just to get him out of his house or something, but I'm afraid he'll either think I'm coming onto him or think I'm creepy for wanting to help out. We're not on bad terms at all, he seemed perfectly fine with me not wanting to pursue things. So! Can I help him out in some way? Or should I just let him deal with things himself? I get the impression he doesn't have anyone to talk to really, and he seems to be really beating himself up over the break up. I'm a little worried.
carhill Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Ask him out for lunch. Lunch is a friend thing. Talk to him face to face and mention the concerns you have here. Don't assume he'll say no and don't assume he wants to deal with everything alone. Caveat: If you know for sure he was attracted to you romantically (as in he hit on you or approached you sexually), I'd suggest caution. That part likely is confused and sensitive right now. Feel him out on the phone first, keeping the conversation light and topical, rather than personal. I assume you share interests. That's a good start. Discern his tone. Read between the lines. Women are good at that
alwayssme Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 i feel at ease talking to people when they're in that situation...what i would say is tell him you've been through it and you just want to be there because you know how much it hurts and you know that in those times its nice to have someone to talk to...just don't tell him to "get over it" or whatever, allow him to talk and be there...the most annoying thing when i was hurting like hell was when people made me feel bad for feeling bad...thank God i had some good friends who understood though...hope it works out..long time no talk by the way, hope ur doing good as well =]
Author lofi_tokyo Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 Thanks for the feedback Carhill and Always! I've decided to let him kind of be on his own today - I left him a message on facebook chat that I'm not sure if he got or not, but it said something along the lines of I'm here if you need me. Thats not the most reliable way to communicate - I have no clue if he even got the message, and its kind of a flakey way to go about things, but I figured its best to give him some space today, since it seems like everything has kinda hit the fan in the last 24hrs. He had started trying to go out and flirting with new woman, which his ex fiance found out about (though she dumped him), and she must have yelled at him or called him out on it, I'm not really sure, but he seems quite upset. If hes still being mopey tomorrow maybe I'll ask if he wants to go for lunch, as suggested (good call Carhill!). I guess I'm playing it be ear. One further question I have is: In light of his ex getting jealous of other girls hes been talking to, hence the newest drama, I feel very... scared of what I would say when talking to this man. I don't think I'd want to offer advice, only a listening ear, but are there precautions I should be taking? *** On that note, I WOULD like to see the two of them back together again - if they're compatible. That I am not sure of, and its not for me to judge. I just want him to understand I'm not looking to be biased in any way, I'm simply hoping he ends up happy - regardless of the end result of things.
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