whattodonow33 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 My wife had an affair for almost two years with another man. I always knew something was going on but I could never get to admit it. I found out that it was going on through an anonymus tip and she admitted it. She says she wants to stay with me. Im not sure she is "in love" with me. we have no kids. What should I do?
Bryanp Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Hello, I am sorry that you have to be here. First, I would find out if the OM is married. You need to expose this affair to his wife or girlfriend. Second, the both of you must be tested for STD's. Thirdly, since you have no children you need to consider long and hard what you want to do. You have a wife who for two years lied to your face and continued to have sex with another man behind your back putting your health at risk. Two years is a long time to be cheating on your spouse. It indicates that she has very little respect for you to be betraying you this way for so long. You had to catch her to force her to admit to it. Clearly she had no intention of ever confessing on her own. The fact that you have no children at this time is a plus. You may want to consider cutting your losses and think about finding somebody else in the future who can respect you and have a true committment to a marriage. It is pretty clear that your wife has a broken moral compass. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think she would be as forgiving? She knew what she was doing to you for two years. For two years she made a mockery of your marriage and your anniversaries and played you for a complete fool. Why would you wish to settle for this? I wish you luck.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 You already wrote a thread on this where we found out you have no kids. So divorce her and everything will come up roses when its all said and done. Why stay with a cheater especially if you have no ties to her like kids??
lkjh Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 She cheated for 2 years, lied to you, and never admitted to it. You have no kids, and other than your marriage no ties to her. Think really hard if you want to stay with her. how long have you two been married? who was the other guy? Are you the main income in the marriage? How has she treated you these past years?
Author whattodonow33 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Married for 5 + years Other guy was someone she fell in love with, I dont know him No, she actually makes more money than I do she has treated me not good, we have never talked at all
hunkahunkaburninlove Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Dump her now. She will cheat again. If she can cheat on you for two years, she has no heart. Don't leave yours with her.
wuggle Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 What you do next depends on whether you still love her or not. If you dont, split, if you do firstly you need to make sure she still wants you and stops all contact with the other guy, then you struggle for months through all sorts of crap , find out why it went wrong, and fix it.
97gone Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Your wife lied to you for two years, time to move on.
voldigicam Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I don't see a need to drag the other couple into it. If the urge to cheat is there, then it's there. People deeply committed can get around that urge. Or your primary relationship can shift to accommodate it. I don't know how that latter course works. I know couples who have a "date night" where they go out and then eventually come home. Tell if asked, no tell if not. And there's the swingers. Don't ask me for personal experience with that. But without some accommodation there's likely to be continuing trouble. On the other hand, I never minded when my first wife had lovers. It was OK. Sometimes she'd share.
In Like Flynn Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Be glad you don't have kids yet with her!!! Seriously!! Throw her back into the sea and go fishing again. Look someone that screws another person while married for two years of a 5 year marriage is not someone you are going to have a 30-40 year marriage with!! Given that why continue!!
nicki Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 The only way it could ever work out is if she is remorseful and will go to couples counseling to repair the damage. It will take years of hard work to rebuild trust. If you love her and want to stay, you must identify whether or not she is capable of the hard work. Does she want to change? Does she blame you in any way? (if so, run.)
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