Why do i feel bad and weird and cry over the inevitable..am i immature or what?

[eske]

I am 25 yrs old.

 

Today sometime back i started the dreaded "No Contact" with my now ex. I knew this was coming , but i kept on avoiding it, but i cant anymore. why??? because she is getting married in a week, thats why.. I cant even bear to even feel the fact that her relationship with her future husband is hampered because of me. so i am now forced into "No Contact" and so is she.

 

She likes me and i like her..but we could not go further than friendship.. she comes from a conservative family and was scared of even telling her parents about me. I did tell my parents but could never take it to the next level because she didnt respond to it.

 

To cut it short we knew for a long time that there will be a day when we will have to go separate ways. we knew this for almost 2 years. we were there for each other always., and none of us demanded a physical relationship. its not that we didnt want it, but i feel thats something which should be shared with the one you marry. it was a long distance relationship for 2 years and before that we were in the same city for a year.

 

I supported her throughout till today.. till her marriage(arranged) is so close.. i was there as a friend whom she could rely on.. today i was very strong when i spoke to her over the phone so that she feels ok, after all its a big day for her.. her marriage is coming up..and i dont want to her to think that i am upset..it will hurt her a lot.. but after i cut the call all i did was cry my heart out like i am doing now while typing this.i dunno why i cried but i just did like a small kid. Why did i cry?

 

Can i even call this a break up?? i want to be friends with her, but i know i have to give her the space she needs so that she can start a wonderful life with her new husband. i wish good for her and she for me. I dunno what the future holds for me and her.

 

but i feel weird, and am crying over something which i knew was coming towards me. am i immature? is this a normal breakup? i know what i have to do, i have to be strong and do the NC. but i feel bad and desolated.. do u think i made a mistake by being there for her and in a way for myself??

 

it was our first love and we have never dated any1 else. we both are still virgins and i am happy about it. i feel i didnt cheat her atleast.

 

Can anyone even relate to this? or has faced something similar??

[alwayssme]

im confused. she loves you but she is having an arranged marriage with someone she doesnt love? and why do you keep beating yourself up about "crying"? the one you love is getting married to someone she doesnt even love...you're not weird my friend, you're normal...this situation is confusing..can u explain it a little better? sorry i wish i could help more

[eske]

Yeah Alwayssme i can explain.

 

i know that the previous post was a long one and dunno how short i can keep this one.

 

i have known this girl for more than 3 years now.. her parents are not very open minded and are conservative.. we wanted to take things further than just friendship..but she was too scared tell her parents about me.. i told my parents about my feelings for her and i thought that my love will make her tell her parents eventually..but it didnt happen...and I/we accepted the fact that we wont have a future.. we tried to move away from each other but we couldnt.

 

I went away from her( long distance) but used to call her everyday. i always treated her as my small baby. always caring for her.even though i knew there wil be a day wen i wil have to say goodbye.. we really tried to move away from each other but we couldnt.

 

Not many knew about our relationship.infact no one did. i cried a lot at times wen i realised that things arent workin. i never forced her to tell it to her parents.

 

Slowly but steadily there was pressure on her to get married(arranged marriage)..and i used to tell her to go ahead and get married, i thought at least that way our relationship would come to an end.

 

Now she is getting married.. i have always helped her and been with her and vice versa.till this day wen she is hardly away from her marriage i am still wishing for her goodwill and still offer any help she needs.

 

i have met her just twice in the past 2 years. and i did not do anything physically, because i believe that it is something which i would like to share with the one i get married too.

 

Now that she is going to get married.. i know i cant continue to be the friend i was.. she has to make place for some new.and i will have to move away..

 

Things hurt so much but..i dunno if i will ever care for any1 as much i did for her.. i cared for her with my whole heart even knowing the fact that she will move away one day.. and the same goes for her.. she was never bad . she always cared for me. we both never dated any1 else in between that would make us rift apart. Its just that she didnt have the thing in her to tell it to her parents. and i also never forced her.. I dunno y i never forced her..

 

But her going away for good makes both of us feel miserable.. Both of us feel guilty for watever happened. but now i really want her to move on. as its unfair for her to cling to me and more than that its unfair for the guy whom she is marrying.

 

but i dont spend a single day wen i dont remember her or cry for her.. even though i cry only for a few minutes but yeah i cry everyday.. out of guilt.out of emptiness.. out of heartache.. i feel i just prolonged our breakup... everything sucks now..I know this is a long read.. but any1 would say i am confused and yeah thats wat i am.. I am 25 and still immature guy(who cries).shucks.. I know this is confusing.. thanks for reading this..

[alwayssme]

I must say that I can't relate personally but I'm trying my best to understand...You saw the girl twice in 2 years but you kept in touch with her alot and you never did anything physical? I've never been in this situation but I guess it doesn't matter...all our stories are different...I am confused why couldn't she tell her parents she wanted to marry you?? Since both of you love each other and want to be with each other then what is the problem???? I'm guessing it's more complicated than it sounds but since she's about to get married anyway, why does she have to marry someone she doesnt love instead of marrying the man she loves?

[IcemanJB]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but your ex and her future husband aren't having their arranged marriage in a Western country. It's more of a cultural thing, but I have no experience with arranged marriages so I can't help you there.

 

As for the crying, that just signifies that you're human. DO NOT worry about it. I cried every day for about 3 weeks after I split with my ex; most I've ever cried in my life. Only the people here on LS know this, by the way.

 

Now by "physical" do you mean everything; like kissing, touching, sex, etc.? Or do you mean only sex? Although this doesn't make or break a relationship in my opinion, even the little things like how she kisses deepens the feelings and whatnot. What I guess I'm getting at is: did you have any sort of physical closeness to her?

[eske]

I must say that I can't relate personally but I'm trying my best to understand...You saw the girl twice in 2 years but you kept in touch with her alot and you never did anything physical? I've never been in this situation but I guess it doesn't matter...all our stories are different...I am confused why couldn't she tell her parents she wanted to marry you?? Since both of you love each other and want to be with each other then what is the problem???? I'm guessing it's more complicated than it sounds but since she's about to get married anyway, why does she have to marry someone she doesnt love instead of marrying the man she loves?

 

yeah we were in touch a lot thru mail or phone..

the problem was that she was "scared" of telling it to her parents..her parents were conservative and want a guy from the same caste as theirs..She is marrying i guy whom her parents have chosen.. infact she is married now(some 10 hrs back)

yeah we were in touch over the phone or email..by physical i mean i didnt have sex with her even though we wanted it..

well i guess its more of a habit for me to care for her and it gives me pleasure in doing that.. but now after her marriage i cant do that anymore..

every1 says with time things will be better.. now its my turn to see if its true..

[eske]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but your ex and her future husband aren't having their arranged marriage in a Western country. It's more of a cultural thing, but I have no experience with arranged marriages so I can't help you there.

 

As for the crying, that just signifies that you're human. DO NOT worry about it. I cried every day for about 3 weeks after I split with my ex; most I've ever cried in my life. Only the people here on LS know this, by the way.

 

Now by "physical" do you mean everything; like kissing, touching, sex, etc.? Or do you mean only sex? Although this doesn't make or break a relationship in my opinion, even the little things like how she kisses deepens the feelings and whatnot. What I guess I'm getting at is: did you have any sort of physical closeness to her?

 

No they r gettin married in India. I am in the US.yeah they r gettin married all the traditional way..

By physical i mean only sex.. and the other stuff also wasnt much though.. we wanted sex but we didnt do it..

ne way as per crying i dunno.. i too haven cried for ne1 before.. i guess this is the way i will learn stuff.. and probably love the next person(whoever it is) even more and more..