ruggy Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I'm thinking about reasons that support being single - eventually I will go through reasons that support relationships, but I want to run some ideas through LS viewership. 1. Devotion, love, commitment, loyalty are better suited for something greater than life, rather than an imperfect person. 2. Sex isn't always a benefit of a committed relationship. 3. No drama. 4. Freedom of mobility. Not all women are great travel mates. 5. No desire to be a fix up project. 6. No desire to rely on another for my emotional needs - although I benefit from friendship. 7. Life is simpler. Amen brother. Expenses are cheaper too.
pandagirl Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I am an emotional sponge, so when I'm dating or in a relationship, I cannot regulate my emotions as well. So, yes, single life is much simpler for me. The key is for me to work on myself, be happy, THEN start looking again.
Author You'reasian Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 I think #1 applies to people that dedicate their lives (or a phase of their life) to a cause or careerists that will not make enough time to establish a meaningful romantic relationship. I assume with #2 he is referencing married couples where the wife cuts way down on the sex after marriage, where you essentially become roommates. This must be quite common, because from what I've heard from the married men I am friends with or know (and the boards here), their #1 complaint is lack of or a major decrease in the quantity and quality of their sex lives after marriage. Most of them half-jokingly tell me if you want a regular sex life don't get married. Just another good argument against marriage. For me, my order of preference is: 1) Good relationship 2) Single 3) Bad relationship So single is better than being in a bad relationship. Hit the nail on the head, my friend.
chris250 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Reasons to be single: 1. I can be as lazy as I want to. 2. I can gain all the weight I want to. 3. I don't have to exercise. 4. I don't have to shave. I can let my hair and facial hair grow out for the next 6 months. 5. I save more money each month. 6. I don't have to clean out my car very often.
Author You'reasian Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 This post reeks of bitterness and is a terrible piece on the benefits of being single.. I'm actually quite happy and am enjoying what I am doing as a single male. I don't depend on anyone for my emotional well being, but as I said before friendship is always a nice thing. It should be titled: Single vs Dating someone completely wrong for you... Sounds like a great topic for another thread. Most of your points are completely invalid if you date the right person. The intent and direction of this post is to find reasons that support staying single. I do agree with you - finding the right person is a wonderful thing!
chris250 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I think being single definetly has some advantages over being in a relationship like freedome... but being in a relationship you want to be in is definetly better then being single cause you get laid all the time unless shes sick or something You don't need a relationship to get laid. You can find a friend with benefits. If you don't know anybody then do a google search for friends with benefits sites.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 For anyone who finds relationships restrictive and who has difficulty understanding the positives for a relationship, the best course of action would be to remain single! People in the wrong mindset aren't going to want to put honest investment into making a relationship work. When this happens, many times, it's heartbreak city for both sides, each side expecting the other side to take the greater share of the "burden".
Author You'reasian Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 Good reasons to be single I can think of: 1) you are free to look for the right person to get in a relationship with 2) you are free to spend time with unrealistic prince charming fantasies (which won't take anything away from the relationship you don't have) 3) you can dress lousy, not wear makeup, postpone waxing without feeling like you are neglecting your partner. 4) you can get touchy-feely-affectionate with your male friends, you have no problems seeing your male friends as much as you like, you can flirt with whomever you like. 5) you are not going to feel bad when your partner feels bad, or when he is having problems. 6) no jealousy. no porn issues. no friends of the opposite sex issues. no facebook issues. no toilet lid issues. Some of the above reasons are bogus. The other ones just show how insecure or messed up I am. Funny and good stuff from the female perspective lol
ruggy Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You don't need a relationship to get laid. You can find a friend with benefits. If you don't know anybody then do a google search for friends with benefits sites. Ehh, I start to question that too. You don't know if they got any STDs or s-h-!-t. Be careful. Better off numb.
Lizzie60 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Hum... there are way more good reasons to be single.. IMO. No drama... for sure. Freedom of mobility... definitely a +... no need to tell anyone where we are.. where we're going.. where we were.. etc. I can have all the sex I want, with who I want, whenever I want.. as much as I want.. I do what I want with my money.. since I'm a shopaholic.. it's a good thing. My place is always clean.. I love my bathroom spotless. No need to put up with snoring.. Have my king size bed all by myself.. There are, for me, waaay more benefits to being single.. Relationships.. btdt..
grogster Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Hum... there are way more good reasons to be single.. IMO. No drama... for sure. Freedom of mobility... definitely a +... no need to tell anyone where we are.. where we're going.. where we were.. etc. I can have all the sex I want, with who I want, whenever I want.. as much as I want.. I do what I want with my money.. since I'm a shopaholic.. it's a good thing. My place is always clean.. I love my bathroom spotless. No need to put up with snoring.. Have my king size bed all by myself.. There are, for me, waaay more benefits to being single.. Relationships.. btdt.. I agree, Lizzie. Being single is way undervalued. We singles are people, too. One question, though: What does "btdt" mean?
OpenBook Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 What does "btdt" mean? The phrase that comes before "Bought the T-shirt." Why, what did you think it meant?
a_f_w Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I think that in an important sense, they're the same in the end - being single or in a relationship. I'll refer to myself in giving an analogy: I met my girlfriend when I was 20. Before then I had been entirely independant and fairly solitary. I was very happy in my life. Let my life/soul/satisfaction/whatever be represented by a glass of water sitting under a tap. It is easily filled, but only to a certain point and then it can be filled no more. The more water in the glass, the happier and more satisfied I am. When my girlfriend came along, it was like dropping a big stone into glass. At first it splashed a lot of water out and caused a disturbance. Then when things settled down, the glass was still full but some of the volume was occupied by the stone. When she left me, it was in a sudden and dramatic way - the stone was pulled out of the glass in a flash, knocking water out all over the place as well as removing the volume it had taken up itself. It felt like I was completely lost and empty - but the glass wasn't broken, and all I needed to do was turn on the tap and actively refill my life and mind, until I was back where I started. I absorbed her into being part of me, but it didn't increase my "size", my power, my potential for happy situations... When she left it was at first like having half of all my cells torn from my body - but once I am healed (and I am doing very well) I'll be complete again - as complete as before I met her, and as complete as while I was with her. I don't think that merging with another person leads to "enlightenment" or whatever we might call it. I'm sure other people are different, and their glass is perhaps not able to be filled without another person?
BoredPerson Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 The reasons to be single are that you hate sex and happiness altogether. Most like you think sex is disgusting ( I agree ) and that all men are evil. Men should never be happy with being single. Because if you are that makes you gay.
grogster Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 The phrase that comes before "Bought the T-shirt." Why, what did you think it meant? "bite the dust"
grogster Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 :lmao: That too! I assume the phrase "bought the T-shirt" means something akin to "been there, done that" said in the context of rueful disappointment or mild regret. I'm curious as to the expression's origins. After work, at home, I'll google the phrase. It's not as if I have a "relationship" to distract me.
a_f_w Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I assume the phrase "bought the T-shirt" means something akin to "been there, done that" said in the context of rueful disappointment or mild regret. I'm curious as to the expression's origins. After work, at home, I'll google the phrase. It's not as if I have a "relationship" to distract me. It relates to the (real or not) "tradition" of buying a commemorative or souvenir t-shirt from, for example, a tourist destination or something like that. As though doing so is a common act before ticking something off the list. So once you've "got the t-shirt" you've "done" it, are experienced; a veteran of whatever it was. I don't think the phrase implies any regret, neccessarily.
grogster Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 It relates to the (real or not) "tradition" of buying a commemorative or souvenir t-shirt from, for example, a tourist destination or something like that. As though doing so is a common act before ticking something off the list. So once you've "got the t-shirt" you've "done" it, are experienced; a veteran of whatever it was. I don't think the phrase implies any regret, neccessarily. Thank-you, now I get it. I'm slow.
Still Trying Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 This post reeks of bitterness and is a terrible piece on the benefits of being single. It should be titled: Single vs Dating someone completely wrong for you. Most of your points are completely invalid if you date the right person. OH this is rich. Who doesn't experience bitterness after a relationship? Who doesn't revel in their new status after a break up? Who doesn't date people who are completely wrong for them? LOL, so there's nothing you would change about your current or last relationship I suppose? Nothing positive to add about being single? I think the OP hit the nail on the head. Plenty of negative aspects about being in a relationship, even a healthy one. Take the rose colored glasses off! I'm curious, what would a positive spin on being single entail? Probably the same exact things, worded differently? Prove me wrong.
clv0116 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Avoiding an exclusive relationship is a way of life for a lot of men. I'm not against pairing up but life has proven to me that finding the right person at the right time is something that takes time and patience. I've stumbled across a lot of the wrong people and quite a few of Mrs Right at the wrong time in my life. The soulmate thing is hogwash, but finding someone right when your life is ready for them is non-trivial and probably makes it seem a little like magic. So reasons to stay single for me, I'm not ready or she's not right.
grogster Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Avoiding an exclusive relationship is a way of life for a lot of men. I'm not against pairing up but life has proven to me that finding the right person at the right time is something that takes time and patience. I've stumbled across a lot of the wrong people and quite a few of Mrs Right at the wrong time in my life. The soulmate thing is hogwash, but finding someone right when your life is ready for them is non-trivial and probably makes it seem a little like magic. So reasons to stay single for me, I'm not ready or she's not right. I agree. At my stage of life, the 50's, I don't feel impelled to have a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. I don't need a relationship to confirm my attractiveness, likeability or self-worth. Also, I have kids so my DNA is happy. Again, at this time, I much prefer my own ragged company to settling or using a woman for self-esteem building and sex. I still love women, but from a distance.
Lizzie60 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 I assume the phrase "bought the T-shirt" means something akin to "been there, done that" said in the context of rueful disappointment or mild regret. I'm curious as to the expression's origins. After work, at home, I'll google the phrase. It's not as if I have a "relationship" to distract me. Hahaha.. you're hilarious.. I loooooove funny guys.. but the ones.. like you... 'intelligent-funny'.. not stupid-funny.. I meant 'been there, done that' ... I was in relationships MOST of my life.. now at 56... I don't need anyone to share MY space. I am selfish... verrrry selfish.. and I think I totally deserve to be. I had my children.. had my all 'everything-I-needed-so-I-know-now-that-I-don't-need-it-anymore'
chris250 Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 A relationship is not for selfish people. Until I can overcome my own selfishness then I don't need to be in a relationship.
grogster Posted February 13, 2009 Posted February 13, 2009 Hahaha.. you're hilarious.. I loooooove funny guys.. but the ones.. like you... 'intelligent-funny'.. not stupid-funny.. I meant 'been there, done that' ... I was in relationships MOST of my life.. now at 56... I don't need anyone to share MY space. I am selfish... verrrry selfish.. and I think I totally deserve to be. I had my children.. had my all 'everything-I-needed-so-I-know-now-that-I-don't-need-it-anymore' Lizzie, I suspect we're sharing the same space. Like you, I've been in relationships for most of my life, and I'm not itching to start one. It's as if a weight has been lifted off of me. I no longer believe, to paraphrase Descartse, "I'm in a relationship, therefore I am." If that makes me Gay, selfish, dysfunctional, etc., so be it. I do know though that I'd love being "single" with you.
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