You'reasian Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I'm thinking about reasons that support being single - eventually I will go through reasons that support relationships, but I want to run some ideas through LS viewership. 1. Devotion, love, commitment, loyalty are better suited for something greater than life, rather than an imperfect person. 2. Sex isn't always a benefit of a committed relationship. 3. No drama. 4. Freedom of mobility. Not all women are great travel mates. 5. No desire to be a fix up project. 6. No desire to rely on another for my emotional needs - although I benefit from friendship. 7. Life is simpler.
Treasa Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I'm thinking about reasons that support being single - eventually I will go through reasons that support relationships, but I want to run some ideas through LS viewership. 1. Devotion, love, commitment, loyalty are better suited for something greater than life, rather than an imperfect person. 2. Sex isn't always a benefit of a committed relationship. 3. No drama. 4. Freedom of mobility. Not all women are great travel mates. 5. No desire to be a fix up project. 6. No desire to rely on another for my emotional needs - although I benefit from friendship. 7. Life is simpler. I'm confused about what #1 and #2 mean.
Enema Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 This post reeks of bitterness and is a terrible piece on the benefits of being single. It should be titled: Single vs Dating someone completely wrong for you. Most of your points are completely invalid if you date the right person.
blondesmiler Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 This post reeks of bitterness and is a terrible piece on the benefits of being single. It should be titled: Single vs Dating someone completely wrong for you. Most of your points are completely invalid if you date the right person. I agree with your above point/s but having the remote control to yourself is never a bad thing! ;)
grogster Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Being uninvolved with anyone since July of this year, I can attest that life is simpler. Sex is less complicated, too. Also, I'm spending significantly less money which, in this deflationary economy, is both good and bad (the paradox of thrift and all that). I do miss the companionship, the great sex and feeling lovable. I'm my own ragged company, now, and things could be much worse. All in all, I'm enjoying being in a non-relationship.
movingonandon Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Being single is great, but it's a little too comfortable, which is not bad (i have hard time resisting the appeal sometimes), but it is not so good for your personal development/maturation. At least get a pet or somehting to mess things up a little . People should have responsibility for something slightly more than themselves, IMO
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 It should be titled: Single vs Dating someone completely wrong for you. Most of your points are completely invalid if you date the right person. Precisely.
chris250 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I say you take the good with the bad whether you choose the path of single or the path of dating for the purpose of forming serious relationships. A good reason to be single is if I don't want to be responsible for someone else's happiness. If I'm not prepared to put her needs above my own then that's a good reason to remain single.
jam1982 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 There are negative and positive aspects of being single. I agree that life is a little simpler, you can just go hang out and get trashed with your buddies at your leisure. But being single has it's drawbacks too I think. It's very fullfilling to share your life with someone and know someone loves you. As a guy who has been single a lot, I can atest to a LOT less drama while single, however despite dramatic moments, I still wouldn't give up my GF for anything. However, I do agree that if you find the right person, being single again should not even be in the cards.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 A good reason to be single is if I don't want to be responsible for someone else's happiness. If I'm not prepared to put her needs above my own then that's a good reason to remain single. You should NEVER be responsible for someone else's happiness, even when in a relationship. And your needs/their needs should be equal. If you're putting their needs above yours on a daily basis, you're nothing but a DOORMAT.
fral945 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I'm confused about what #1 and #2 mean. I think #1 applies to people that dedicate their lives (or a phase of their life) to a cause or careerists that will not make enough time to establish a meaningful romantic relationship. I assume with #2 he is referencing married couples where the wife cuts way down on the sex after marriage, where you essentially become roommates. This must be quite common, because from what I've heard from the married men I am friends with or know (and the boards here), their #1 complaint is lack of or a major decrease in the quantity and quality of their sex lives after marriage. Most of them half-jokingly tell me if you want a regular sex life don't get married. Just another good argument against marriage. For me, my order of preference is: 1) Good relationship 2) Single 3) Bad relationship So single is better than being in a bad relationship.
grogster Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 You should NEVER be responsible for someone else's happiness, even when in a relationship. And your needs/their needs should be equal. If you're putting their needs above yours on a daily basis, you're nothing but a DOORMAT. Unless one very much enjoys, in a submissive manner, being a doormat. I'm aware of Total D/s relarionships when the sub wants the master to control every aspect of the sub's life. In the BDSM world, it's known as TPC (Total Power and Control) relationship. TPC "relationships" are out there, weird as that might seem. Sex and power, SG, sex and power.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 J, I realize that D/S relationships exist. However, if you've followed chris250's posts, that's not what he's referring to... I don't think, anyway.
grogster Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 J, I realize that D/S relationships exist. However, if you've followed chris250's posts, that's not what he's referring to... I don't think, anyway. My bad, I thought that's where he was going: the whole dominatrix thing. I'd rather interpret statutes than delphic Shack mutterings.
Adunaphel Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Good reasons to be single I can think of: 1) you are free to look for the right person to get in a relationship with 2) you are free to spend time with unrealistic prince charming fantasies (which won't take anything away from the relationship you don't have) 3) you can dress lousy, not wear makeup, postpone waxing without feeling like you are neglecting your partner. 4) you can get touchy-feely-affectionate with your male friends, you have no problems seeing your male friends as much as you like, you can flirt with whomever you like. 5) you are not going to feel bad when your partner feels bad, or when he is having problems. 6) no jealousy. no porn issues. no friends of the opposite sex issues. no facebook issues. no toilet lid issues. Some of the above reasons are bogus. The other ones just show how insecure or messed up I am.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Unless one very much enjoys, in a submissive manner, being a doormat. I'm aware of Total D/s relarionships when the sub wants the master to control every aspect of the sub's life. In the BDSM world, it's known as TPC (Total Power and Control) relationship. TPC "relationships" are out there, weird as that might seem. Sex and power, SG, sex and power. OMG...I think you may have cracked the code, here. I couldn't figure out Chris's deal, but I think you have. LOL He wants to be debased, insulted, lectured, every aspect of his life controlled...yeah, that sounds like D/s to me!
IrishCarBomb Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 8. Star Trek obsession. 9. You prefer to drink alone. 10. Nobody will judge your back hair. 11. You are convinced you are an elf, and there just are no single attractive elves anywhere. 12. You are only single in reality. In the e-world you have eight wives, the sword of Excalibur, and your own loyal army of werewolves. 13. You are in a legendary metal band, and you can't get married because marriage is like "totally not metal". 14. You are Chris Brown.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 10. Nobody will judge your back hair. You don't have to shave for days! I am about halfway through a purposefully single year, and I am reaching the stage of truly enjoying the bachelorette lifestyle. I am reading a classic personal development book, Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life, which discusses the myths of happy coupledom and sad spinsters. It says that, in general, women are happier when single than men are when single, and, in general, when a man commits to a relationship, his happiness increases, whereas when a woman commits to a relationship, hers decreases. I have read other articles/studies/surveys that reached the same conclusion before. After divorce, most women say their level of happiness increases, but most men say it decreases. I am thinking about what I really want out of life, how I want to live. Right now, the prospect of being on my own is really OK with me. I love not having to endure the emotional ups and downs that seem to accompany most relationships. Of course, most of the guys I'm getting to know these days are after me. Nothing seems to fire them up quite so much as the unavailable/unattainable. It's starting to seem to me that the best place a woman can be in relation to a man is just beyond his grasp.
Isolde Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Of course, most of the guys I'm getting to know these days are after me. Nothing seems to fire them up quite so much as the unavailable/unattainable. It's starting to seem to me that the best place a woman can be in relation to a man is just beyond his grasp. But that's just the thing. What is the point of being desired if you don't get to reap the rewards of it? Also, I don't believe that study. Women hate being single for long periods of time. I think they just lie about it because women are trained to not come off too needy. Also, I think women ARE better at remaining celibate temporarily than men, but at some point they miss sex just as much.
V.Vixen Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I didn't read any replies, but here's mine. I am perpetually single, and dating, by choice. I think this sounds like bitterness, and like you are seeking validity for your feelings about the (wrong) women you have dated. I like being single. It has many perks. For me they are: more time with my self. A much smoother social schedule with friends. More choices about what to do and where to go... (don't need to "Answer" to anyone.) More physical space. (the whole bed!) Full control of the remote. =) I get to bond with my girlfriends more/more girls nights. I really get to know myself and that makes me happy. There are multiple perks to a relationship too... I like them both for different reasons, which mean that either way I can be a happy person, if I choose to look at those things. Anyway, the "Reasons" you listed are hardly valid reasons if you choose the right mate. I think choice of a partner has more to do with that than being in a relationship or not.
Isolde Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Oh, and being single is a wide spectrum. You can be single-and-a-celibate-hermit-with-no-friends, single and celibate but with friends, single with friends and dating, single with friends, dating, and regular sex... It can be a widely different experience basd on those things.
Trialbyfire Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I really enjoyed being single. Freedom was at the top of my list. I could date anyone I wanted to, do anything I wanted to do. Having said that, I'm also enjoying my current relationship! Maybe I'm just not a "grass is greener" person.
Green Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 I think being single definetly has some advantages over being in a relationship like freedome... but being in a relationship you want to be in is definetly better then being single cause you get laid all the time unless shes sick or something
DollWelch Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Life is simpler. () This is not necessarily true. In fact, being single comes with horrendous amount of judgment, lectures, denial, pressure, and responsibility. The main matter is, evidently being single has some good pluses and rewards, but eventually transpires into a "There is something wrong with you: An Alien from Planet Mars Look You Get from Family and Friends". Very, emphasis on very, few people want to be single. (Almost) Everyone wants a Lover, Girlfriend, Boyfriend, Husband, Wife. If you come up with great reasons to be single, then unfortunately you are in denial. No one wants to admit it, but it is true. Hence, why men and women in relationships have simpler lives (less lonely nights) than singletons.
knaveman Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Single or not, which ever makes you happy. That is what you should do. When your life is too good and you have too much money then you find a woman.
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