dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 So I have my date tonight, with the guy who canceled on me Sunday. It was going to be tomorrow, but we switched it to tonight (works out better with my schedule). I am a little nervous. In his profile he says he is looking for a relationship. He's 26. Is looking for a girl who is in good shape, has goals, independent, that kind of thing. He is a non-smoker (yikes, I am a smoker, but I don't smoke around people who don't like it, so no big deal there, for now). We talked a bit about ourselves, asked each other questions. He says he wants to save a lot for when we meet though, so we have something to talk about. I don't really have expectations, however, I do want to make a good impression. I'm not in a rush to get a relationship, but if the right guy came along, I would be interested in seeing him more, to see what could happen. As some of you may know, I just moved back into my home state. I have been staying with my family (as my mom fell really sick, and has needed some help) and I've only been back since January. This is no way a long time situation, but not only am I helping my mom, but saving up to put a down payment on a condo. Given these facts, would you look at me in negative way?
Squirtal Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I wouldn't call any of this negative..in fact I personally thinks it shows great strength of character, caring, loyalness every other positive. If he were to look on you negatively, he would have a screw loose.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I agree that I see nothing negative. I see a good deal of responsibility - financially and familial. Nothing wrong with that.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Well, I'm 27, and even though I know I'm doing good things, and have a plan, I feel kind of old to be doing it this way. Yet at the same time, I like to be able to help my mom, and the money I would be spending on rent can now go away for something I can own.
Squirtal Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I think you have your head screwed on right. Wish I had done all that when I was younger. An independant woman is far more attractive than a dependant woman. Plus I think its great what you've done for your family. You must be so close to your mum. (Hope shes doing okay) Mums are wonderful. you sound sorted and stable. Good on you.
Still Trying Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Does he know you smoke? That's a deal breaker for me, living at home in a temp situation is fine though.
jadelil25 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 There is nothing negative all about that. It is all positive and from what you say you are a strong person who can look after your self and others. I am sure everything will be fine. Just be honest and be your self. Thats what guys look for.
carhill Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Good on ya for helping mom and best wishes for her speedy recovery. Disclose about your smoking. OK to be nervous. That means it matters to you. Good luck!
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 You know, I honesty can't remember if I told him that I smoke. I never made it a point to tell someone if they didn't ask, although I don't smoke around people that don't, and it never was an issue before. Should I mention it before the date? Ahh Now I'm going nuts looking through the emails. I can understand that it would be a deal breaker. It's not something I like about myself, and have been cutting back. Believe it or not, I prefer going out with non-smokers because the less I'm around it, the less I have the urge.
likestolaugh Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 If you got on with this fellow, would you consider quitting smoking if he wanted it? And if you would, you can tell him this when/if the smoking topics comes up...
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 If you got on with this fellow, would you consider quitting smoking if he wanted it? And if you would, you can tell him this when/if the smoking topics comes up... Got it on like got along, or got it on like got it on Seriously, even though it should be an effort that I want to do just for myself, having someone that I was really into that didn't like it would be more of an encouragement. So yeah, I think I would. Do you think I should wait until it's brought up to say something, or send a message "btw, just incase I forgot to tell you, I smoke". He never asked me, so I don't know if I just came out and told him. And of course, I deleted the first half of our messages.
carhill Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I have no opinion about the smoking part (as a lifelong non-smoker) but, since he disclosed that he's a non-smoker, it's only fair to disclose your status, as it does have relevance to most people. For me, the non-disclosure would be a deal-damager, not the smoking. Just like with other aspects of relationships, it's about compatibility. Be confident that the right man will accept you for who you are, habits and all
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 I have no opinion about the smoking part (as a lifelong non-smoker) but, since he disclosed that he's a non-smoker, it's only fair to disclose your status, as it does have relevance to most people. For me, the non-disclosure would be a deal-damager, not the smoking. Just like with other aspects of relationships, it's about compatibility. Be confident that the right man will accept you for who you are, habits and all I don't want to hide it or not disclose it, I'm just wondering if I should mention it before we go tonight, or when we are out tonight.
carhill Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 IMO, do it face to face, and keep it casual. After all, smoking does not define you; it is merely one of your more noticeable habits/behaviors.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 IMO, do it face to face, and keep it casual. After all, smoking does not define you; it is merely one of your more noticeable habits/behaviors. Yeah, and then I can say "I did mention to you that I smoke, didn't I?" Then elaborate if needed.
likestolaugh Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Got it on like got along, or got it on like got it on oh, I meant got along... of course. Not that the alternative is that terrible though...
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 oh, I meant got along... of course. Not that the alternative is that terrible though... I know I was joking
northstar1 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I know I was joking You will be fine! Just be yourself. Check your PM's.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Is this on Match or some other site? Doesn't his profile say whether he's looking for someone who's a non-smoker or not?
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Is this on Match or some other site? Doesn't his profile say whether he's looking for someone who's a non-smoker or not? It's another site. It doesn't say.
Author dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Is this on Match or some other site? Doesn't his profile say whether he's looking for someone who's a non-smoker or not? It has keywords listed about him, then a summary of why he's there, that sort of thing. The keywords is where it says non-smoker, and the part about him says he's looking for "ms right". It doesn't say anywhere that he is looking for a non-smoker (although I realize this doesn't mean it doesn't bother him).
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