Bri754 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I have had some relationships in the past that ended badly. Not to say it wasn't worth it, but I have been left with some trust issues. I was considered "hopeless" in a relationship format by others, as well as myself. I decided that there was no point in having a serious relationship at age 21; it's like prolonging the inevitable. After that, I endulged in a free-spirited sexual lifestyle absent of emotional attachment (not connection, attachment). Needless to say, I was a SINGLE guy, and boasted it, whether or not I was really happy with it. I had a lot fun in these past few years, and couldn't see any reason to change it (other than the medical risks). Recently, I have been blindsided by a wonderful girl, who stepped right in and changed me, very quickly. I am definitely becoming emotionally attached, if I am not already... Everything is nearly perfect, like in a ****ing movie or something. We have a scary amount of common atttributes, and she is intellectually stimulating, which is a tough find (sorry, ladies). I should be jumping for joy 24-7. The truth is I am ****ing scared ****-less. I really dig this girl, and she really digs me. No matter how many bad scenarios I play out in my head, they aren't coming true, as they seemed to in the past. She will call back, will be there for me, and will put up with my slightly narcisistic behavior (at least I admit it). She seems so trustworthy, and even willing to trust me! I hardly trust myself: But no matter what, I am always asking myself the age old self destructive question(s): Is she just acting? I am, for the most part! What is she capable of? She could be a raging slut. I would have no idea. She could be doing anything when I am not around. If I got in this quick, maybe I just got there first (this is the worst one:sick:). She did accost ME in a public place, telling me I was cute. Thats how we met. Only a slut would do that, right? There are many more, but you get the jist of it... I am a jealous bastard, although I am great at hiding it. A few more fun facts: I fantasize about other girls still, maybe even more. We are both parting ways in about 4 months (educational reasons); part of me is happy with this and thinks maybe it is the only reason I am in this thing, the other is upset at the typical nature of meeting someone so fantastic knowing we must part ways soon. From the outside perspective, things are going great. It would be hard for them to get better. There is a good balance of give and take/communication, good conversation, PHENOMENAL sex, and most of all, it doesn't all amount to some big game like it seems to usually. I feel like I am doomed to seal my own fate, for better or for worse. It's almost like I want my paranoia to become real; that's what I am used to. It has happened before, more often than not. I feel more equilibrate in my singular, "free to move around" state, if you know what I mean. This whole thing has me scared. This girl is a jem, and I should be so lucky to have her care about me the way she does. I think what may really scare me is how much I care for her... maybe both. WTF is wrong with me? So, what do you think? Please do not post that I am a chump; I already know.
Trialbyfire Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 This is self-sabotaging behaviour. In doing this, your self-prophesized relationship doom will happen. You're going to look for problems and sooner or later, due to your lack of trust, you're going to create them. Walk away before you rip her heart out. Either that or get some professional help.
Recommended Posts