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Posted

Okay I am going to sum up this quickly

bcuz i just need some perspective and friendship

 

(i feel really alone right now)

 

I have broken up and gotten back together with my boyfriend

four times in four years.

 

We know we have communication and trust issues.

 

We been working really hard this last time to make things

really work and go smoothly...

 

Except today...

today I WAS scared because I feel

like I might be pregnant.

 

He was working today... at a job that I don't like (freelancing)

I don't like that job because of certain coworker who I will

plainly say is whorish. - I am not making this up-

she calls her self a slut... and in the past (when broke up)

my guy and her have gone to a stripclub.

 

Getting back to today...

I was wanting to talk to him about taking a

pregnancy test, but he never called me, (he usually does)

 

Finally when i called (already upset mind you) he seemed like it

I was crazy for asking him "how come you didn't call me"

 

Long story short... i told him my fears, he came over

to take the test in a very angry attitude then left.

We argued and come to the conclusion that

since I was already mistrusting him from coming home

he can't not stand me today....

(he called me every name in the book)

 

We also came to the conclusion that his love is NOW

conditional.. that if I treat him with trust...

then he won't be upset ...but

that if i doubt him... he doesn't want to deal with me.

(pregnancy tests were inconclusive-one positive-two negative)

 

NOT EVEN if i am scared and alone and reaching out

to him.

 

I DON'T deserve his love.. since I mistrusted him earlier.

 

I HAVE apologize a million times... but

I feel like am crazy?

 

I would like some feedback.

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