2ndWife Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I know I know.... just like everyone else, as soon as I read the subject line, I would immediately respond by saying "get a life; and be busy" My husband and I had just gotten out of a 1.5 years long distance relationship. We got married at the end of last year and just came back from our honeymoon in January. But then he's been away overseas since last Monday and won't be back until the day before Valentine's (per my request; he was planning to come back on Valentine's day) I feel very lonely as he's not with me in bed while we're just married. And also I kind of built up resentment towards him for a couple of reasons. For one, his reason for being away is for his son's six months (from his death) He said being a Catholic and a father it's his obligation to be there. I had no argument on this after my mom passed away I visited her grave a few times a year. But then he convenient forget about his obligation of being a husband - we had an appointment scheduled since 3 months ago with the doctor; we are planning a baby - and he forgot about it and decided his travel plan on his own and I had to cancel our appointment. Secondly, we never discussed about me being there with him this time, simply because, last year he told me "you are not going there again" when his daughter moved back to the house with her fiance (who's no longer in the house because of the fiance's violence against his daughter) Part of me want nothing to do with all this. They are all grown ups and are supposed to be away from home and parents at their age. But my husband has this attachment to them (which I understand) thinking that as long as he stays in the house they will come back home at night so he can spend even ten minutes with them. Even though I talk to my husband a few times a day, I feel that everything that he said to me or what he does during the day doesn't mean anything to me. I feel so lonely. Like I've gradually lost the connection with him. I really don't know what to do.
westrock Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 But then he's been away overseas since last Monday and won't be back until the day before Valentine's Even though I talk to my husband a few times a day, I feel that everything that he said to me or what he does during the day doesn't mean anything to me. I feel so lonely. Like I've gradually lost the connection with him. If I understand correctly, he's been away for only 2 days so far, you talk several times a day, and you are feeling this lonely and you've gradually lost the connection? Is that the situation? Do you think your feelings about the situation have more to do with the missed doctor's appointment? Have you made plans for Valentine's day?
Chat Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Did your husband explain to you that life would be this way before you got married? My partner is on the road all the time also - so I get lonely - but I have no friends or family as I haved moved to France to be with my partner - so it is very difficult. I try to make the time I have with my partner special so and keep the memories with me while he is away. What do you have in terms of family and friend support?
Author 2ndWife Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 If I understand correctly, he's been away for only 2 days so far, you talk several times a day, and you are feeling this lonely and you've gradually lost the connection? Is that the situation? Do you think your feelings about the situation have more to do with the missed doctor's appointment? Have you made plans for Valentine's day? Thank you for responding. It's good to know someone's reading. No he's been away for 9 days already. There's another 2 days to go. As a matter of fact he wanted to leave two days earlier. I asked him to stay because I really want to spend more time with him (pretty obvious for newly weds) I felt that he's been single for too long that even now we are married, he would not remember to consult me before he makes any decision. We made the appointment three months ago but he did not tell me about his trip until the very last minute. Cancelling the appointment is not a problem. It's more about him wanting to make all decisions alone, without thinking that we are now a team, that upset me. Nothing special has been arranged for Valentine's day except that I have made dinner plan.
Author 2ndWife Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Did your husband explain to you that life would be this way before you got married? My partner is on the road all the time also - so I get lonely - but I have no friends or family as I haved moved to France to be with my partner - so it is very difficult. I try to make the time I have with my partner special so and keep the memories with me while he is away. What do you have in terms of family and friend support? It's very brave of you to move so far away for your partner. My husband is the one who moved overseas to be with me and for that, I am grateful. I understand he needs to go back to his country a few times a year and he also said that he wouldn't go anywhere without me - unfortunately it did not happen this time. Although I miss his physical presence, my loneliness is more about feeling disconnected with him.
Chat Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Oh honey I understand. I suggest the following - we have two kinds of nights - one is a date night, its candles, movie all that jazz - the oher is where we eat a meal and just discuss life, discuss the future, household things etc - those two nights per week make it seem worth while. Its not easy - but you have to try, talk to him about your feelings about the disconnection..see where it goes.
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