Facing life without them

[sinkerswim]

It is very hard for me to face life now.. being far apart from him and being so lonely without him by my side.

When you get so used to your ex by your side for all those years...every day conversations..everyday hugs and kisses...someone to confide in.

How do you get by without keep bothering them??

 

This hurts more than anything.

I am obsessing over him and it is clouding my thoughts.

 

I feel like when I get my own place again..it wont make me happy..because I decorated our apartment in Illinois together and had so much life to look forward to...

I feel like life has been sucked out of me.

 

Thing is..our relationship didn't end bad.. what i mean to say is..

we had many heart to heart talks and he wanted a separation..he said in the future it may work again..but for now we need to split and apologized profusely...

he reminisced how much we loved each others families..good times..etc.

We both said we will always remain friends in some way or another...and its been small emails..but nothing much else.

 

Of course the day I left to go back to PA..he cried soo much...I cried and he could hardly let me go.

So it wasn't a BAD ending..even though he wanted it to end for now.

It was very tough.

My best friend..my other half is GONE and what is really bad is.. he is 900 miles away.

Would it be any easier if I was close by to him? Or does it really matter how far you really are in distance?

I AM HURTING.

I MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING..and want to feel happy again.

I just wish I can go back in time to when times were so happy and we were content.

Haven't felt the same in a month now..and especially now being back in PA....I cant stop crying because I miss him terribly.

I want my mind to stop racing over this and just stop and relax..and whatever will be ..will be.

[Justmike101]

It is very hard for me to face life now.. being far apart from him and being so lonely without him by my side.

When you get so used to your ex by your side for all those years...every day conversations..everyday hugs and kisses...someone to confide in.

How do you get by without keep bothering them??

 

This hurts more than anything.

I am obsessing over him and it is clouding my thoughts.

 

I feel like when I get my own place again..it wont make me happy..because I decorated our apartment in Illinois together and had so much life to look forward to...

I feel like life has been sucked out of me.

 

Thing is..our relationship didn't end bad.. what i mean to say is..

we had many heart to heart talks and he wanted a separation..he said in the future it may work again..but for now we need to split and apologized profusely...

he reminisced how much we loved each others families..good times..etc.

We both said we will always remain friends in some way or another...and its been small emails..but nothing much else.

 

Of course the day I left to go back to PA..he cried soo much...I cried and he could hardly let me go.

So it wasn't a BAD ending..even though he wanted it to end for now.

It was very tough.

My best friend..my other half is GONE and what is really bad is.. he is 900 miles away.

Would it be any easier if I was close by to him? Or does it really matter how far you really are in distance?

I AM HURTING.

I MISS HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING..and want to feel happy again.

I just wish I can go back in time to when times were so happy and we were content.

Haven't felt the same in a month now..and especially now being back in PA....I cant stop crying because I miss him terribly.

I want my mind to stop racing over this and just stop and relax..and whatever will be ..will be.

 

I honestly cannot tell you why he left you. But at least you are fortunate enough to have had a chance to say goodbye. Most of us here were just like you, except most of us simply got dumped in a terrible manner while we still loved them.

 

Remember who you were before you met him. Before the first day you saw him. Were you fine? were you doing great? You met a cool guy and it added new flavor to your life. Was that great? I am sure you answered yes to all of these. Now let me tell you that just as you were fine before you met him, you will be fine without him. You didn't all of a sudden create a need. You are simply used to it all. Just as it took repetition and usual routines to get attached to someone, in time this too shall pass. Hang in there, only time can heal, and believe me it does heal. Just post here and listen to the advice.

 

Meanwhile, look for threads with NC. If you contact him and still linger around him, you will only prolong your pain. Listen to wisdom and take good advice. Right now is about you, not him, as much as it is hard to apply.

[PinkToes]

You went through a major life change less than two weeks ago, what you're feeling right now is quite normal, and also temporary. Of course there's a lot of pain when you're no longer with the person you lived with and loved for so long.

 

A lot of that, you just have to muddle through. And you will.

 

There are things to make it easier.

 

There are ways to stop the obsessive thoughts. One thing I learned from a couselor many years ago was to acknowledge it when it comes up, and then tell yourself you're not going to think about that right now. Maybe later, but not right now. Picture yourself putting that thought on a shelf. Then distract yourself with a more pleasant thought or activity.

 

You can do this, but you have to take control in the moment. Obsessive thoughts get you abolutely nowhere; they won't help you figure anything out, or bring you peace or closure, or bring him back, or help you let go. They serve no purpose, and should be sent packing once you see them coming.

 

Also you know this, but I will say it again. As long as you stay in contact, the wound will never heal. NC is like putting stitches on your heart; it gives you a chance to get out of the pain cycle and eventually feel good again.

 

You can do this. Just try to take steps that will make it a little easier on yourself now, while the pain is so raw.

[sinkerswim]

Thanks for replying you guys.

Mike..he wasn't happy anymore...he loved me very much..but needed time away from me.

I just have this pit in my stomach ..over missing him so bad.

What we once had...and spending time with both our families..etc.

Its all been taken away now...and it is really hard being so far from him..I miss my home in Illinois with him.

I had to move back to PA because of money reasons. I had no choice.

He didnt want me to go so far..but I had no choice.

All I know is..

I hope and pray that if he ever wants me back again, that pride or distance wont stop him.

He promised me that.

 

Pinktoes..Thanks for your advice...as I am trying to push thoughts away...

It is very hard...but I am trying to. He just keeps creeping in.

He is not a bad person..he was my love.

OUCH THIS HURTS SOOOO MUCH.

[PinkToes]

Sweetie, you'll get through this, right now is clearly the toughest time. And it's OK to have so many thoughts of him, it's normal and healthy to let the thoughts come up when they need to be heard. That's OK.

 

But it will be easier on you if you don't let those thoughts stick around and take on a mind of their own, to where you're trapped in a cycle of painful thoughts and 'what ifs' and 'if onlys' that get you nowhere and untimately pull you down. Just let them come into your head, feel what they want you to feel, and then make a concerted effort to stop them from taking over.

 

Some ideas: Maybe snap your wrist with a rubber band, or say STOP! out loud, just to break the cycle in your head. Then deliberately concentrate on something else -- just long enough to get your brain back on track. Then, go on to the next thing you need to do. Do this every time you feel yourself getting pulled into circular thinking.

 

Those thoughts can be really intrusive at this stage; your task is to tell them they're not allowed to stick around and mess with your head. You've got much better things to think about!