RM0123 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I think the problem is... We are hurt that someone isn't into us as much as we are into them. It really burns. But the truth is... you can't make someone love you anymore than they can make themselves love you. Love just happens and if it's not there anymore, it's not there. The sh*tty part of it is.. you usually don't know when someone stops loving you. (When I say they do not love you, I mean in the boyfriend/girlfriend way) Unfortunately over time some people change, along with their feelings and it's usually a one sided change. I don't think these people are bad people (unless they lie and cheat and drag us along). And I think if they lie and try to sugar coat the truth (while breaking up with you), it's probably because they don't want to hurt us. They did at one time care about us or they wouldn't have been with us. I think there is no really good way to break up with some when it is not a mutual break. I guess all we (the dumpees) can ask for, is the closest thing to the truth without being dragged along. As much as it may hurt. I was dumped a little over a month ago after 6 years for someone else. He sugar coated it for sure and said I deserve better. Well, you know what? That is probably the most truthful thing he said. I do deserve better. I deserve someone who feels the same way about me as I do them. And even though I have cried a thousand tears and screamed and yelled, if he didn't love me, he didn't love me. He didn't dump me to be malicious. He dumped me because he had moved on. (Unfortunately, I wasn't in on it and was not planning on moving on). I think this is probably the case for most of you out on LS too. We all deserve better! This is why dating sucks. It's all a game of roulette. You spin the wheel, hope for the best and if it doesn't work, you spin it again. There is always a "winner" and always a "loser" but you can keep playing until you hit it big!
MN randomguy Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I don't think people sugar coat it because they don't want to hurt others. I think they sugar coat in an attempt to feel good about themselves.
haley121 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 You bring up a good point OP. I think that most people feel angry toward the dumper because anger is sometimes easier to deal with than sadness at losing the other person. And because the break-up probably hurts his or her self-esteem a little bit. All of my break-ups have been more of the mutual "we want to stay together but we know it's not going to work" type. In that case there is no "winner" and "loser" and I know that sometimes I wish it was that way so that I COULD feel anger instead of just pure sadness and depression. Dumpers are doing the right thing when they dump (so long as, like you said, they do it right away with honesty and no cheating). I'm sure it's hard to see it that way though. Especially when it seems "out of the blue." Edit: I also agree with randomguy to some extent. I think it's a mix of not wanting to hurt the person and because they don't want the other person to completely hate him or her. I mean which is easier? ...something like, "I'm breaking up with you because I don't have fun with you anymore, and I have no feelings for you." or something like, "I'm breaking up with you because I don't think I'm right for you." I know I would find it easier to say the second. Plus, the second puts the blame on the dumper and that way hopefully the dumpee won't blame him or herself as much.
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