sopredictable Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Ok so I've been tryin to figure this out for months and I really dont know what to do. To keep this clear Im gunna use Guy A and Guy B. So guy A....well i've been with him for the past 5 years...since our freshman year of highschool. He's one of those people who know what they want out of life and they will have it. We have been through ALOT!! He has a good heart but he can be very cruel and thoughtless at times. So I guess all of this started last august when i found out he had slept with a girl we both knew while we were broken up for about 3 days. Later i found out they had slept together another time when we broke up for about 6 months. Well the most recent time hit me like a ton of bricks, we had been engaged and to be honest i am quite childish, we broke up and got back together a million times w/in our 5 years. So when i left him and he told me he wanted me back and he was still in love with me, to me it was cheating, not only because of what he said but because everyone who knows us knows we always get back together. So this is when guy B comes into the picture...we have been friends since jr. high and dated a couple times you know the 2 week kiddie thing. Well we have always had this connection...we understand each other, we can talk about anything and we just click. He is a very loving, sweet and just an all around great guy. Well after i found out about guy A and the homewrecker lol...guy B was there to make me feel better and tell me how everything would be ok. This led to us eventually wanting to get back together...well like an idiot i moved away from everything i knew and loved to try to make guy A and my 5 year "relationship" work. All the while promising id come back to guy A because i knew i just couldnt forgive guy A but i wanted to atleast try. Well three months go by while im juggling both of these guys all the while guy B knows about A and just wants me to come home to him. Time and time again i try to tell guy A it just isn't gunna work out and i wanna go home. Guy A is extremly persuasive and doesnt take no for an answer so now its been 5 months. So everytime i finally work up the courage to end it with guy A something always stops me...if its not a huge crazy fight where i get physical w/guy A or just thoguhts of "am i really gunna throw away 5 years"? Our relationship has always been kind of ....should i say...unhealthy..but i know guy A really does love me. Guy B has recently made me fall in love w/him which is driving me insane because he treats me like a princess...he is so sweet and loving and just makes me smile. When i was with guy A ...I was far from happy...we had our good times but it just seemed like there were all these things between us that we couldnt get over and move past. so the other day i went to get all my stuff from guy A's place and just end it for good. On the way there i had all those thoughts of is this a mistake..blah blah and when i got there all i could do was cry so we ended up cuddling and just holding each other for hours. Now I just cant figure this out...guy A...5 years and maybe more dissapointment...guy B and ...happiness and love...but for how long?
burning 4 revenge Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 :pThe women on this board will tell you to choose the one with the biggest c*ck But since Im a man and that makes me sensitive Ill say choose the one with the bigger heart
Geraltt Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 :pThe women on this board will tell you to choose the one with the biggest c*ckOr biggest wallet... I don't mean to sound flippant about this, but from where I sit it's not even close. Guy A cheated on you. Guy B was there to help you pick up the pieces, and from what I understand, is giving you both the space and validation you need. Sounds like this is another example of women being attracted to the 'bad boy' - guy A - while the 'good guy' - B - gets the short end of the stick. Is this even close? I mean, seriously...
Tomcat33 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Now I just cant figure this out...guy A...5 years and maybe more dissapointment...guy B and ...happiness and love...but for how long? It seems like you are looking for a guarantee, and the only guarantee you DO have is how things worked out with guy A. Rarely do people go back to relationships they left and change exisiting patterns that lead them down a path of distruction or disconnect the first time around to something completely different a second time around. So having this guarantee, don't you owe it to yourself to see if there is anyone better suited for you out there? Guy A did some very telling things that are not easy to correct and he did the hardest thing to correct of all, be broke your trust in him by cheating on you. Love alone is not enough. I would opt for being alone for a while to get a sense of who you are again and what you want. But I guess that wasn't really option, was it?
chris250 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 You choose the guy that has more promising prospects of long term happiness. There are no guarantees with either one but just choose the one that you think has a better chance of leading to a happy healthy LTR.
PrincessPeach Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Why do you feel like you have to choose one? Why can't you choose none? Guy A seems to have run his course, whether he is a jerk or not it sounds like you guys have all but puttered out anyway and there is not much left to stay there for other than failiarity. Guy B sounds like a good friend that might benefit off your rebound. He sounds like a bit of a whimp to be honest, not very manly. It might be nice for a little bit, but I have a feeling that fire will be extinguished before too long as well. I think what you need is some time with yourself.
Rebellious Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Toss a coin, heads guy A, tails guy B. If it stands on the edge, they both get to escape.
Ramrod Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Toss a coin, heads guy A, tails guy B. If it stands on the edge, they both get to escape. Reb, I'm your latest fan. I was thinking the same thing. Geesus, what a nightmare. I suggest she let's them both know of her conundrum so they can choose which one wants to stay. Holy mother of mercy!!!
Author sopredictable Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 funny guy B has known the whole time. and im pretty sure if the first guy knew he still wudnt let me go. so to the 2 a holes you can kiss my tail but thanks to all the other people you guys are great!
artchick88 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 You are young and 5 years will pass again. Do not waste your youth with someone who treats you poorly. He may love you but he doesnt make you happy. There is someone out there who will love you AND make you happy, believe it or not!
PrincessPeach Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 funny guy B has known the whole time. and im pretty sure if the first guy knew he still wudnt let me go. so to the 2 a holes you can kiss my tail but thanks to all the other people you guys are great! Why ask for advice if you are only going to listen to the one thing you want to hear and disregard the rest in addition to calling those people names who are trying to be of help? I am aware Guy B has known the whole time, no one here has posted contrary to that. If you are going to ask advice from people you should expect different viewpoints, try to be a little more open minded. Just because you don't agree with something doesn't mean you need to hurl insults, there is no one right answer to many situation and questions asked here, so even if you disagree it doesn't make others wrong. Such a response makes me think just as much that you probably need some time for yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. Most people need some time on their own every now and then.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 :pThe women on this board will tell you to choose the one with the biggest c*ck Yes - because all that matters for long-term happiness is c*ck size. LOL Rarely do people go back to relationships they left and change existing patterns that lead them down a path of destruction or disconnect the first time around to something completely different a second time around. YES, YES, YES. I wish I had realized this before forgiving my ex again and again. Gees, that was stupid. Guy A is not going to change. Especially since you've already shown that you are willing to accept him back, poor behavior and all. I also think that maybe being alone for a bit wouldn't be such a bad thing. It's not a cruel piece of advice (which you may be taking at as), I just think the waters are a little muddied right now and you're not thinking real clearly.
Author sopredictable Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Why ask for advice if you are only going to listen to the one thing you want to hear and disregard the rest in addition to calling those people names who are trying to be of help? The 2 people i was talking about only wanted to be jerks about how the guys need to escape. Which is more putting me down then trying to help. So thats why I insulted them. I was only trying to find some answers not ask a serious question and be told that the guys should get away. And if thats an answer thats all fine and good but they didnt have to be jerks about it. Way to make someone feel even worse!
dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 OP, I think you need to take a step back from both guys, and figure out what you really want. You haven't spent much of your young life being single. There could be guy c or d out there, and you just don't know it yet. May I ask how old you are?
Author sopredictable Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 You are definitly right. Im 19 and I never really got the chance to be independent while being with A because he's very good at taking care of me. Im starting to agree that im better off on my own. Sometimes i want that loving relationship but I think I really need time to grow up and learn about who I am. At the moment I think I am extremly screwed up...lol
dreamergrl Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 You're not screwed up, it's just natural to want to be with someone when that's all you've known. Me personally, I think 19 is way to young to be engaged anyways. 23 ended up being to young for me. Instead of relying on the idea of being with a man, work on being okay with yourself alone. You'll find out much more about who you are, what you can do, and what you want. I followed the path of trying to be in a relationship constantly when I was young, and all it did was get me in the pattern of just being with someone, regardless of how they treated me. Eventually I found myself, my style, my personality, the things I like, and I am more of who I should have been.
Author sopredictable Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 Thanks, your definitly right about 19 being too young to be engaged. I knew it wasn't right the second he asked because even though we had been together 4 years I knew I wasnt mature enough to settle down. I mean he was my first everything and because of that i think he wanted to keep me away from normal things ur suppose to experience growing up..like parties and going out when guys are around unless he was there. Now i feel like im still 15 because i never had the chance to do my own thing.
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