chris250 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 How long should one play the NC game to win their ex back? For a long term relationship that lasted 2 years or more I would say a minimum of 6 months. Dumpers need time to miss you before they'll even consider coming back. 6 months is a good time-frame at the minimum. After those 6 months have passed then you can apply LC by answering your ex's calls once every 2 months. Talk for no more than 5 minutes and end the conversations first. But don't ever initiate contact. Stick to a form of LC that involves a NFC policy. (No first contact). So play the waiting game for 6 months of NC and see what happens. Hope for the best. Hope that her interest level was still above 50% when she ended the relationship. If it was then there is still hope of a reconciliation. 6 months of NC will slowly help raise her interest level back up to a point where she will consider reconciliation. If her interest level was 51% when she ended the relationship (that's borderline interest level) then 6 months of NC should help get it back up to near 80% which is typically when she'll ask for you back. I'd estimate that her interest level will raise 1-2 points per week that you are in NC.
Joker77 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 How long should one play the NC game to win their ex back? For a long term relationship that lasted 2 years or more I would say a minimum of 6 months. Dumpers need time to miss you before they'll even consider coming back. 6 months is a good time-frame at the minimum. After those 6 months have passed then you can apply LC by answering your ex's calls once every 2 months. Talk for no more than 5 minutes and end the conversations first. But don't ever initiate contact. Stick to a form of LC that involves a NFC policy. (No first contact). So play the waiting game for 6 months of NC and see what happens. Hope for the best. Hope that her interest level was still above 50% when she ended the relationship. If it was then there is still hope of a reconciliation. 6 months of NC will slowly help raise her interest level back up to a point where she will consider reconciliation. If her interest level was 51% when she ended the relationship (that's borderline interest level) then 6 months of NC should help get it back up to near 80% which is typically when she'll ask for you back. I'd estimate that her interest level will raise 1-2 points per week that you are in NC. Bro, NC isn't about winning back the ex. It's about faster healing time for yourself. I know it has worked with a few people on here, but from personal experience in the past, it has led me to heartache. I highly recommend against using it to get back the ex.
samspade Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 So play the waiting game for 6 months of NC and see what happens. Hope for the best. Hope that her interest level was still above 50% when she ended the relationship. If it was then there is still hope of a reconciliation. 6 months of NC will slowly help raise her interest level back up to a point where she will consider reconciliation. This is terrible advice. Playing the waiting game is a fool's errand. You're wasting six months that could be much better spent finding new people to date, things to do, etc. Putting your life on hold for someone who left you is a chump move. Her interest level was well below 50% if she left you, anyway. In six months, you could be dead. Think about it.
Trialbyfire Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 No, no, play the waiting game for at least year, if it's a two year relationship! This will tell you definitively, if she's moved on, especially if she dates multiple men in the interim. In the year+ interim, you should sit with your cellphone clutched to your chest, to ensure you don't miss that much awaited call or text. Make certain you don't leave the house or computer, in case she attempts contact via email or IM. Pine the entire time, getting tanked on beer everyday. Forget showering or any of that silly hygiene stuff. Don't even brush your teeth.
dead-dyke Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 No, no, play the waiting game for at least year, if it's a two year relationship! This will tell you definitively, if she's moved on, especially if she dates multiple men in the interim. In the year+ interim, you should sit with your cellphone clutched to your chest, to ensure you don't miss that much awaited call or text. Make certain you don't leave the house or computer, in case she attempts contact via email or IM. Pine the entire time, getting tanked on beer everyday. Forget showering or any of that silly hygiene stuff. Don't even brush your teeth. Sweet, TBF! I almost suckered myself into that game.
Trialbyfire Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Sweet, TBF! I almost suckered myself into that game. My message is clear, isn't it? Forget using NC like a tool, to get your ex back. You become a tool, sitting, waiting and hoping. Get on with your life and MOVE ON!
dead-dyke Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 My message is clear, isn't it? Forget using NC like a tool, to get your ex back. You become a tool, sitting, waiting and hoping. Get on with your life and MOVE ON! Clear as day. EDIT - Wait a minute. You don't think I was making fun of you, do you? I wasn't. I thought your post was clever, is all.
CaliGuy Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 How long should one play the NC game to win their ex back? For a long term relationship that lasted 2 years or more I would say a minimum of 6 months. Dumpers need time to miss you before they'll even consider coming back. 6 months is a good time-frame at the minimum. After those 6 months have passed then you can apply LC by answering your ex's calls once every 2 months. Talk for no more than 5 minutes and end the conversations first. But don't ever initiate contact. Stick to a form of LC that involves a NFC policy. (No first contact). So play the waiting game for 6 months of NC and see what happens. Hope for the best. Hope that her interest level was still above 50% when she ended the relationship. If it was then there is still hope of a reconciliation. 6 months of NC will slowly help raise her interest level back up to a point where she will consider reconciliation. If her interest level was 51% when she ended the relationship (that's borderline interest level) then 6 months of NC should help get it back up to near 80% which is typically when she'll ask for you back. I'd estimate that her interest level will raise 1-2 points per week that you are in NC. This is a complete farce, lol. NC doesn't MAKE them come back. They'll come back if they want to regardless of whether you use NC or not. NC only helps YOU heal and move on. If that makes you more attractive to an ex, then it wasn't the NC that did it. It's rebulding your confidence that makes you more attractive.
Trialbyfire Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Clear as day. EDIT - Wait a minute. You don't think I was making fun of you, do you? I wasn't. I thought your post was clever, is all. No, not at all. I just clarified for anyone else who might misinterpret my sarcasm. I knew you understood.
Author chris250 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 There's nothing wrong with playing the waiting game. I'm not hurting anyone else. That's how I see it. Nobody else will be effected by my decision to play the waiting game during NC. I personally have no desire to heal. Therefore I cannot use NC for any other reason than to play hard to get.
nature Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Chris...how do you play hard to get with someone who dumped you? If they dumped you, it means they don't want you. Isn't playing hard to get for the beginning, when someone is interested, but you want to peak their interest even further? I don't get how if someone dumped you and doesn't want to be with you, playing hard to get even figures in the equation?
Author chris250 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 In my case my ex dumped me because I wasn't ready to get married or make love to her. So she may still have feelings for me otherwise my reluctantcy to take the relationship to a higher level of commitment and intimacy would be a non-issue. So maybe continuing NC will give her a chance to miss the good qualities about me. Just because your ex dumped you doesn't mean that you didn't have good qualities to bring to the relationship. You need to be absent from their lives in order for them to reflect on the good memories. Staying in touch will just remind them of the bad things. Would I be willing to marry her if she came back? I doubt it but I also don't want to live without her either. I haven't been able to move on and get serious with anyone else because of her so I'm stuck in this limbo.
FF84 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 What sort of person waits 6 months for someone else? That is absolutely pathetic - there really is no other word for it.
EmperorR Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I won't lie, I initiated NC to get my ex back but then in a few weeks I started to feel a little bit better and then I switched my thought of views to allowing me to heal.
BCCA Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Chris, I'm starting to get the feeling that you're a troll. Either that, or you really have no concept of how the real world works, and are doomed for eternal dissapointment.
LostLamb Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 What a stupid thread! Out of site out of mind.
wowIlose Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 As most people will tell you here, NC isn't designed to get your EX back BUT it has a feedback effect that normally spikes your EXs interest. NC can be used as a tool to get back with an EX but if that is your purpose then you'll learn that NC alone will never do that. NC will just temporarily spike interest level and if you haven't made significant changes and if you don't know the first thing about how attraction works then you'll fail. If your going to use NC as a "tool" to get her back then at least do yourself a favor and don't bank everything on it. During NC you should be focusing on you and improving your life, not for her but for yourself, and at the same time you should be open to meeting new women and make an effort to do so when ready. If by chance your ex comes around you'll be in a much better mental state and that point you might even reconsider your stance on the whole thing. Either way good luck!
Author chris250 Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Chris, I'm starting to get the feeling that you're a troll. Either that, or you really have no concept of how the real world works, and are doomed for eternal dissapointment. Who gives a damn what you think?! I don't have to take any of your posts seriously either. You aren't forced to read my threads. If you don't like what you read then why do you keep reading them?! So why don't you just get lost! Don't bother to reply because I'm not going to read it! You'll be wasting your time.
nittanylion Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Who gives a damn what you think?! I don't have to take any of your posts seriously either. You aren't forced to read my threads. If you don't like what you read then why do you keep reading them?! So why don't you just get lost! Don't bother to reply because I'm not going to read it! You'll be wasting your time. He is doing a NC on you for 6 months. You can kiss his ass and say goodbye. lol
a_f_w Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I started NC in the hope that it would make my ex miss me and want me back. She left me for another man so it was unlikely to work, anyway. Then after a week or so I really, really, really didn't want her back or ever to speak to her again, and I became delighted that she left me and did so in the way that she did (my thoughts were already heading in that direction before I started NC). Now NC is just because... well, I don't want to speak to her, I guess? I've cut all ties to that part of my life and don't ever want to go back. The thought of seeing her or talking to her makes me sick - not because I regret what happened or I still love her - but because I think so little of her and I don't like interacting with people like that. That said, it certainly made her more interested in me again - I had several e-mails and texts since I went NC a month ago, asking how I was and what I was doing. I've not replied to any of them, of course. I think if you want someone back then NC is usually going to be better than lots-of-contact, though it depends on the circumstances surrouding the breakup. You might need to show more attention and love, if you didn't before. But if that had nothing to do with it and your ex just got bored of you or something, then NC would be best. I can't tell people not to want their ex back - I used to, as well.
gutted1 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I started NC in the hope that it would make my ex miss me and want me back. She left me for another man so it was unlikely to work, anyway. Then after a week or so I really, really, really didn't want her back or ever to speak to her again, and I became delighted that she left me and did so in the way that she did (my thoughts were already heading in that direction before I started NC). Now NC is just because... well, I don't want to speak to her, I guess? I've cut all ties to that part of my life and don't ever want to go back. The thought of seeing her or talking to her makes me sick - not because I regret what happened or I still love her - but because I think so little of her and I don't like interacting with people like that. That said, it certainly made her more interested in me again - I had several e-mails and texts since I went NC a month ago, asking how I was and what I was doing. I've not replied to any of them, of course. I think if you want someone back then NC is usually going to be better than lots-of-contact, though it depends on the circumstances surrouding the breakup. You might need to show more attention and love, if you didn't before. But if that had nothing to do with it and your ex just got bored of you or something, then NC would be best. I can't tell people not to want their ex back - I used to, as well. I feel exactly the same as you . . . . I don't ever want to hear from my ex or see her ever again and the thought of it makes me sick, the type of person she is makes me sick and i want nothing to with her in any way shape or form. I love having NC with my ex and long may it continue. I've been looking on here whilst bored at work and reading heartwrenching stories and really feel for people, i'm glad that i've now got to where i am.
Author chris250 Posted February 19, 2009 Author Posted February 19, 2009 Does it really matter why we use NC? Does the motive really matter? It's going to have the same effect on dumpers either way. They won't be able to tell our motive behind our silence since they cannot read our minds? I say go NC regardless if your motive is to heal or to get a certain response from the ex.
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