artchick88 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I've been sleeping with my ex recently. At first I thought we were dating but its become apparent to me that we are actually just sleeping together. I feel like a total whore. I want to get back together with him but until we start dating or at least reestablish a connection i dont want to have sex with him because it is totally wrecking my confidence and creating feelings of anger toward him. The problem is I'm trying to be "chill" and just go with the flow, so I'm not sure if I should create more drama (something he says is preventing him from getting close to me) Is this creating drama? I need to set some boundries here so when, and how should I tell him? What do I say to let him know I still want to date him but I need to put off having sex for awhile? THANKS!!!!
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 He doesn't want to date ytou. He just likes having sex with you. Because if he did want to date you, you'd have picked it up by now, or he would have told you. As it is, you've now realised it's just a sex thing. So what you do, is not lie down and open your legs. I'm sorry to be coarse, but frankly, nobody's holding a gun to your head and forcing you. You have to summon up some self-respect and self-worth, and frankly tell him that you are not going to do this any more - for precisely the reasons you've given here. If he starts with the whiney "Oh baby...!" stuff.... tell him to jack it off somewhere else, because if he really meant it he'd have said it long ago. You are a great FWB to him. That's all he wants - a shag. walk away from this one with some pride and dignity. Tell him - it's either 'us together' - or get lost. Period.
Author artchick88 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 walk away from this one with some pride and dignity. Tell him - it's either 'us together' - or get lost. Period. Should I call him and tell him this on the phone or do tell him we need to talk and do this face to face or should I just wait until the next time we hang out to tell him? I am very nervous about this, although I know its what I have to do. I just want to make sure I do this the right way considering this may be the last time I talk to him. GOD WHY AM I BEING SUCH A TWAT!!??? Is my self-esteem this low??
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 It WAS low. It's on the up, because you now know you have to do this. I know the least fearful way would be to send him a txt mssg, maybe followed in the fear stakes by the e-mail... then the 'phone call.... But you know what? I actually think you won't get closure until you confront him face to face and gently tell him, to HIS face. And your self-esteem and self-worth will then fly through the roof, because you will have done the right thing for you, in the right way for him. Put it this way - owning up to this, and owning what you're doing - already makes you stronger than he is. Because he's happy to keep on using you...... You've just decided to take back control of you. And that my dear, makes you very powerful.
Geraltt Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Geishawhelk has it right on the money. You're a handy FWB for the time being. Now, that's not all bad; if you're into that sort of relationship - and I've had a few very satisfying ones, and I mean satisfying for both parties - then it's all good and have at it. But it doesn't seem that it's what you're looking for. And you're not a "total whore." That you happen to enjoy sex with him does not make you a slut, it just means that you have a healthy sex drive. It's the most natural thing in the world, so cut yourself some slack. And no, you're not being a twat (though I think you meant 'twit'; - twat is something else entirely). Personally, I'd handle the break-up in person. I think phone/email/text/whatever is the coward's way out. That said, if you feel that you may be in physical danger when you break up with him, then maybe it's best to do it over the phone. After that, well, you know the drill: total, complete and no-exceptions NO CONTACT.
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 And you're not a "total whore." That you happen to enjoy sex with him does not make you a slut, it just means that you have a healthy sex drive. It's the most natural thing in the world, so cut yourself some slack. And no, you're not being a twat (though I think you meant 'twit'; - twat is something else entirely). And this whole post is also, right on the money. particularly the bit above. (and I had to smile at the "twat" bit too..... *giggle*.....) Wonder how many people actually know about that........?
jam1982 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 If it became apparent to you that you were just sleeping together then why are you questioning whether or not he wants a relationship? And he does just see you as a FWB pretty much. If you want more than you need to break ties with him.
You'reasian Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I've been sleeping with my ex recently. At first I thought we were dating but its become apparent to me that we are actually just sleeping together. I feel like a total whore. I want to get back together with him but until we start dating or at least reestablish a connection i dont want to have sex with him because it is totally wrecking my confidence and creating feelings of anger toward him. The problem is I'm trying to be "chill" and just go with the flow, so I'm not sure if I should create more drama (something he says is preventing him from getting close to me) Is this creating drama? I need to set some boundries here so when, and how should I tell him? What do I say to let him know I still want to date him but I need to put off having sex for awhile? THANKS!!!! Talk to your guy about this. What does he say?
Lizzie60 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 The problem is I'm trying to be "chill" and just go with the flow, so I'm not sure if I should create more drama (something he says is preventing him from getting close to me) Hahaha... he's wise... it's a nice way to say 'just shut up and spread your legs' Is this creating drama? Not one bit. I need to set some boundries here so when, and how should I tell him? Be honest... a good talk face to face.. What do I say to let him know I still want to date him but I need to put off having sex for awhile? Tell him.. you both need to start from zero.. and build a new relationship... as if you just met.. if he doesn't want this.. then move on.. you're wasting your precious time..
Author artchick88 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 The problem is I'm trying to be "chill" and just go with the flow, so I'm not sure if I should create more drama (something he says is preventing him from getting close to me) Hahaha... he's wise... it's a nice way to say 'just shut up and spread your legs' Is this creating drama? Not one bit. I need to set some boundries here so when, and how should I tell him? Be honest... a good talk face to face.. What do I say to let him know I still want to date him but I need to put off having sex for awhile? Tell him.. you both need to start from zero.. and build a new relationship... as if you just met.. if he doesn't want this.. then move on.. you're wasting your precious time.. thank you! this is what I want.. to start from zero. And when he tells me I'm creating drama that is exactly what I heard. I will just tell him all of this. Tomorrow!!!
Author artchick88 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 And this whole post is also, right on the money. particularly the bit above. (and I had to smile at the "twat" bit too..... *giggle*.....) Wonder how many people actually know about that........? I do enjoy having sex with him, obviously! But the feelings of anger and the way I am letting myself be disrespected is ruining the pleasure. This is how I realized I can't keep sleeping with him... wondering.. WHY dont i like having sex with him anymore?? Oh yeah.. I know why! And I did mean twat! Im being a big vagina.
Enema Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Be prepared for him to say anything he can to keep the arrangement going. He'll do whatever he can to keep sticking it in you until someone else comes along.
Geishawhelk Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Yup. I concur, 'fraid so.... Be prepared for the plaintive protest.....
jadelil25 Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 You need to either sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel or move on to someone who does want to date you and not just have sex with you. If you do go for the sit down and talk option do it somewhere public so that you do not get tempted to sleep with him. It is only your self who can sort this out. You are better than this and you know it. I think if he wanted to date you he would have asked by now, i think he is only after one thing and because he has always got it he has not treated you with respect or asked you to date him. There are plenty more fish in the sea, ones that will treat you with respect.
Recommended Posts