Tomcat33 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 In reading over both threads about what both genders find attractive in the opposite sex it is overwhelmingly obvious that both genders choose the eyes as the strongest feature they look out for. What I find amusing is that of all the traits that could be chosen, most people pick the eyes in combination with a few other things as the #1 feature. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, and most people look for expressive eyes in the opposite sex as the #1 catcher, does that mean that ultimately attraction is based on the connection to the soul? Does it mean we seek passion more than anything? What do you think?
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 No, it just means that if I have eye contact with a man, he's not having a conversation with my chest!
clv0116 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I find that what people say and what they do are vastly different. Perhaps we feel pressured by social constraints or maybe it's just an instinctive thing, but we often dissemble a bit with regards to this sort of thing.
Author Tomcat33 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 I find that what people say and what they do are vastly different. Perhaps we feel pressured by social constraints or maybe it's just an instinctive thing, but we often dissemble a bit with regards to this sort of thing. I would have to agree with this, I was thinking that as I read all the extremely tame and "crowd pleasing" responses I read in the "Men what traits do you find attractive in women" thread. I wonder if what the guys posted there are what they think women want to hear, OR is that really ultimately how men feel? I have read so many threads on gender battles on this forum that it was quite interesting to see what the actual responses were when given a platform to expose their preferences. So which way would you be inclined then, if you don't mind me asking? Would you say that what is typically said is the cop out or is what is said when given a chance to showcase the truth and someone says something as simple as "the eyes" the cop out?
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Yes, I think it's about the connection. I can always tell where I am with a woman by the way she looks at me.
grogster Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I'm skeptical of best trait queries becuse such questions involve the wrong (ie, analytical) part of the brain. Attraction does not lend itself to neat analytical categories such as lists. I suspect attraction involves more primitive brain areas ( limbic?) than the frontal cortex. Words and lists don't do justice. For me, nice skin, symmetrical features, a toned body and a confident, experienced sexuality--combined with emotional stability and a strong mind--make a woman attractive. She looks sharp, talks sharp and acts sharp. Also, the clothes help make the woman.
Treasa Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I'm ashamed to admit this, but I was totally NOT attracted to my boyfriend when I first met him! In fact, I said to myself, "I bet he doesn't have a girlfriend." God, how mean, right? BUT... I got to know him, saw how incredibly funny and charismatic he was when he spoke, saw how honest he was, how intelligent, and started having erotic dreams about him nightly about a month and a half after meeting him. Plus he knows a LOT about D&D and Star Wars, and I am a geek girl. That was 4 1/2 years ago.
Author Tomcat33 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Yes, I think it's about the connection. I can always tell where I am with a woman by the way she looks at me. I totally agree with that. I always know how a date is going just by looking at a guy's eyes. Looking back to all the men I have been with the most passionate connections I have had were expressed mostly through the eyes. For example I could never understand how people have sex in the dark!?!? I'm skeptical of best trait queries becuse such questions involve the wrong (ie, analytical) part of the brain. Attraction does not lend itself to neat analytical categories such as lists. I suspect attraction involves more primitive brain areas ( limbic?) than the frontal cortex. Words and lists don't do justice. I see what you are saying it really is an overall thing but for me the traits that mostly reel me in are as I mentioned in the other thread. It starts from there for me and I know that with most certainty. I mean I hear women talk about a nice azz on a guy or good abs or all this other stuff that I don't even notice until further down the road. All that is SO secondary to me. Unless of course he has big caboose in the back or a Santa belly. When it comes to the eyes we say so much. I think that the people that chose that as the top of their head answer run deeper with their emotions. I am not saying it is a good or bad thing.
Treasa Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I totally agree with that. I always know how a date is going just by looking at a guy's eyes. Looking back to all the men I have been with the most passionate connections I have had were expressed mostly through the eyes. So would you date someone who was blind? No, seriously!
grogster Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Well, if the "eyes" make the man, that's cool. Interestingly, I've never heard a guy say that his eyes mattered as an "organ" of attraction. Usually, it's about penis size, six packs, guns for arms, etc. For most guys, we're happy to have eyes to ogle, as opposed to attract, women.
Author Tomcat33 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 So would you date someone who was blind? No, seriously! Wow Treasa that is a very interesting question, I never thought of that. I am not sure how to answer that!?!? Definitely left me thinking. Hmmm.....
CommitmentPhobe Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I totally agree with that. I always know how a date is going just by looking at a guy's eyes. Looking back to all the men I have been with the most passionate connections I have had were expressed mostly through the eyes. . Yeah all the R's I've been in which really sparked had that. Also the whole eye thing partly comes with all the djing and music gigs I did in my 20's. (E love, remember that?) I used to make a lot of connections looking down or out to a crowd. Also at some point I discovered how much more women like and feel comfortable with me if I'm looking them in the eyes when I'm talking to them.
Author Tomcat33 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 . Also the whole eye thing partly comes with all the djing and music gigs I did in my 20's. Definitely, a dj connects with their audiences through the eyes!! But it is mostly a feeling thing, you feel the vibe that people are putting out and they feel you through the music. (E love, remember that?) I used to make a lot of connections looking down or out to a crowd. Ohhh I do remember that... but my recollection of it is more of a battle between trying to tuck yer'jaw in and not seeing three of everyone around you. ahh the good'ol'days.... Also at some point I discovered how much more women like and feel comfortable with me if I'm looking them in the eyes when I'm talking to them. Actually a man who can hold his gaze while he talks to you or you talk to him can be intimidating at times but in a very devilish and exciting way. I dunno people spend so much time trying to figure out how others feel and what they want and it is so easy to read others if you watch their eyes and the expressions that form around the eyes.
clv0116 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 So which way would you be inclined then, if you don't mind me asking? Would you say that what is typically said is the cop out or is what is said when given a chance to showcase the truth and someone says something as simple as "the eyes" the cop out? Hard to know, for me it's just difficult to biol it all down into a few things. When I'm attracted to a woman some magic happens and my buttons are pushed, I'm not sure I can even trust myself to be objective about it. The most common theme seems to be a pretty face though. I think most if not all other people will be similarly challenged to be accurate in their self-assessment.
The Collector Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Well, if the "eyes" make the man, that's cool. Interestingly, I've never heard a guy say that his eyes mattered as an "organ" of attraction. I am quite aware of the power of my eyes and how I use them. For evidence check out my profile pic. I'm totally undressing you all through the internet. And nice underpants Grogster!
burning 4 revenge Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I would have to agree with this, I was thinking that as I read all the extremely tame and "crowd pleasing" responses I read in the "Men what traits do you find attractive in women" thread. I wonder if what the guys posted there are what they think women want to hear, OR is that really ultimately how men feel? I have read so many threads on gender battles on this forum that it was quite interesting to see what the actual responses were when given a platform to expose their preferences. So which way would you be inclined then, if you don't mind me asking? Would you say that what is typically said is the cop out or is what is said when given a chance to showcase the truth and someone says something as simple as "the eyes" the cop out? I was totally honest....
Treasa Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Wow Treasa that is a very interesting question, I never thought of that. I am not sure how to answer that!?!? Definitely left me thinking. Hmmm..... :bunny:
runner Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 maybe i'm a bit of a nerd but i look for intellectual compatibility. i love women who i can have great conversations with - and laugh with. sure the physical stuff matters, and she could even have a gorgeous face, but if i can't have that particular connection then i have trouble feeling it.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 maybe i'm a bit of a nerd but i look for intellectual compatibility. i love women who i can have great conversations with - and laugh with. sure the physical stuff matters, and she could even have a gorgeous face, but if i can't have that particular connection then i have trouble feeling it. yeah but women dont theyre much shallower than men thats what im trying to get across
Author Tomcat33 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 yeah but women dont theyre much shallower than men thats what im trying to get across But attraction is wholistic why do you have to compromise one aspect to have the other? Is that shallow? Is it totally unrealistic that someone would want someone smart and intellectually stimulating and at the same time want them to meet a basic level of physical attractiveness? As long as the basic level is there I think the attraction can totally grow even if on a physical level he falls "short" to the ideal a woman might have. There is more potential for that and for it to grow into something really strong and passionate than if he is really good looking and the intellectual part is not there. That is a complete dead end. Where as a lot of men can do it the other way around no problem. As far as I am concerned sex happens in the brain the body is just the vehicle we use to make it happen. Which brings me back to the whole "eyes" observation.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I cant give you any well contemplated answers because its a war of the sexes and youre on opposing lines
Author Tomcat33 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 I cant give you any well contemplated answers because its a war of the sexes and youre on opposing lines you'd think that is the ideal chance to give well contemplated answers, far more than when everyone is on the same side. Then there is nothing to dicuss.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 you'd think that is the ideal chance to give well contemplated answers, far more than when everyone is on the same side. Then there is nothing to dicuss. I think you should think about this for a while http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=213072959
Author Tomcat33 Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 I think you should think about this for a while http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=213072959 Is my number up?
Treasa Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 yeah but women dont theyre much shallower than men thats what im trying to get across All women? Some women? Are you making a generalization? If all women are shallow, then I never would have ended up with my boyfriend. If all women are shallow, nerds would never get laid. I think the problem may be that you're thinking of the women you know who are your age and have your interests. It might be a good time to expand your horizons.
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