arcambaldus Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Okay, so long story short, I told one of my guy friends a few months ago that I liked him. He was okay with it and even told me that he thought I was cute, but that he couldn't go out with me for various reasons (tops ones including the fact he is a college senior and has a ton of work and that there is a chick whom he is close with who went back home after finishing an exchange program). So OBVIOUSLY, the guy doesn't like me. I am 99% sure of that. That is not the problem here. The problem is the stuff he says and does around me that really is starting to bug me! It's like fifty percent of the time I am just another friend, nothing special there, but then there are other times where he will flirt with me or say things like "I'm sorry that I can't go out with you" or "I would talk about that other chick but I don't want to make you feel bad". It's ridiculous--he knows I like him and he has said that he doesn't like me, so one would think that he WOULDN'T want to flirt with me! Is there a discreet way I can let him know that I want him to stop flirting with me? He does it in public most of the time, I feel this has to be done right when he's doing it (because I don't think he's doing it intentionally) and I don't want to embarrass him.
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Tell him to quit being an @$$hole, you really weren't into him that much anyway. Oh, by the way, there's this really cute guy you are interested in... and you have a date!! Woohoo!! He's boosting his own ego. He was so flattered by your attentions, he thinks it's so cool to have someone interested in him, ..."but of course, you understand, you can't have me... but I admire your choice in men... very cool... so i'll just keep you hanging around to fan the flames keeping my Ego hot.....!"
Author arcambaldus Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 I'm by no means defending his jerkish actions, but somehow I don't think that's what he's thinking, knowing him. He's not a shy guy but he's not a player like that. I do appreciate the two cents though. Thanks for dropping a post. "I hope you're not bummed by the fact I can't really take you up on [going out] though (sad smiley face here)" "I'm sorry I can't fulfill your ability to say yes." [in response to my family asking me at home if I had a bf yet.] "[i'm impressed that you told me how you felt] but you know that I can't really do anything about it as things are at the moment..." ^==those are paraphrased excerpts from your IM convos, just to give people a better idea of what I mean when he says he's "sorry". I don't know how much help that'll be to those who try to give advice, but there it is.
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Ok, well, you know best, although I'm tempted to believe there's still a bit of his ego enjoying it there..... In that case, maybe the direct but respectful approach is best. Thank him for his honesty, but it now feels as if he's just rubbing your nose in it, and it would be great if he could just let it go, and have done with it. You've got the message, and no more needs to be said..... Really, direct, to the point and in a nutshell.
Joyvke Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Hah, sorry to say, but that's what my guy friend did too. I kept telling people "nah he's not an *******, he wouldn't do that". Well guess what, he has a girlfriend now and we're not even friends anymore . He only kept me along for his ego, not because I was a good friend. He also said things like "Sorry I can't be who you want me to be" etc, and then in the meantime doing things that would make me go "euh? What's the deal here then?". Besides. Geisha is in all cases pretty much right, to the point where it's scary *sorry GW*, so trust her in it as well. Just stop the contact, you'll only get hurt.
jasminetea Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Tell him to quit being an @$$hole, you really weren't into him that much anyway. Oh, by the way, there's this really cute guy you are interested in... and you have a date!! Woohoo!! He's boosting his own ego. He was so flattered by your attentions, he thinks it's so cool to have someone interested in him, ..."but of course, you understand, you can't have me... but I admire your choice in men... very cool... so i'll just keep you hanging around to fan the flames keeping my Ego hot.....!" Not only very funny, but very accurate! arcambaldus, I understand that this is not really something that would make you feel good - you want to know that your choice in men is good, whether as a friend or otherwise. Well, that's life, sometimes our judgement of people isn't brilliant. He's a bit of a tosser who isn't treating you like a friend should be treated. Instead he's acting like you're there for his amusement and that's not very respectful.
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