Hurting for over a year, I still want answers

[DaedalusDemands]

My situation

 

Basically, my now-ex-gf of two years cheated on me with some random guy from a bar. Like so many other stories I've read on here, she always blamed it on the alcohol. She was never a party-girl, or even much of a drinker. I never saw any red flags, or this coming. She went out for her 23rd birthday with her friends, got blistered (so she said), blacked out, didn't know what was going on, etc. The next day she's sitting on my front porch, crying, confesses she "kissed someone else."

 

I sent her home, the next day packed her things, and told her we were taking time off, and I'd talk to her when I was ready to. She left me a card with all the "you're my one and only, I swear it, I'm so sorry, I'll always love you, blah blah blah." A couple weeks later I go to her house, we talk on the porch, and what do you know, it wasn't just "a" kiss. She went back with him to her friend's apartment. They went in the guest room. She said she remembers them wrestling around. They had a drunken make out session. She woke up next to him. She swore no clothes came off, nothing besides making out.

 

I'm an artist, with a pretty vivid imagination, so you can imagine what starts going through my head... and I grilled her because I wanted some answers.

 

A couple weeks later, my buddy who was watch-dogging for me intercepted a myspace message from the guy she went home with that night. The very first sentence was

 

"hey punk, I thought you were single. How do you explain that one."

followed by "you never called me, what's up with that."

And the last line was "P.S. I've never felt so much lust for someone as I did for you that night."

 

Okay, does that tell anyone else that

 

1. She told that guy she was single, or at least I never came up (even after she woke up the next morning and told him he had to leave, she didn't know who he was)?

 

2. How do you get/enter someone's phone number if you're "blacked out"?

 

3. It sounds like it got pretty hot and heavy from that last line?

 

So can anyone tell me, just what the hell was going through her head? I've never cheated, I've drank a crapload in my lifetime and blistered more times than I can count, and I've never "forgotten" about someone I cared about. I know people do stupid things when they're drunk, but... I just can't wrap my head around it. I cared so much about this girl and she just... pushed me aside for some random bar f**k? I'm not going to flame anyone for what they've done, I just want to hear from anyone who's gotten drunk and cheated, been in a similar situation, etc.

 

We've been split up for almost a year now. Very little contact, by my orders, I just... need to know, and I don't think I ever got an honest answer out of her. By the way this girl was hitting me up for a ring just a few months before she did this - I never brought it up. We would actually look at rings from time to time. How or why does someone go from wanting to be engaged to me, to cheating on me weeks down the road?

 

Thanks in advance for any help guys. I still wonder if I've got irreperable damage from this girl...

[imani]

Wow! I'm just shaking my head at this one. Such a good thing you didn't buy her a ring. You can always tell how a person truly feels about you from the way they treat you when you are not in their presence.

 

Sorry you had to go through that. As for one of your questions as to how someone can claim they want to marry you and then act the complete opposite? She may have just been love with the whole idea of marriage, because based on your description of her actions - she was no where near in tune to what a commitment is all about. Consider it that she did you a favor in the end.

 

I have no idea what could have been going on in her head to do all of that to the relationship. SOme people are just that cold, but you dodged a bullet.

[mark982]

i've never been drunk and cheated, or had anyone do the same to me(that i know of). but i admire you for standing your ground. she cheated, you tossed to the curb. no looking back.but i'm curious-- how much whinning and pleading she's done?

[chrislovestosurf]

way to go on dumping her sorry ass, sorry you had to realize she is worthless after years of dating. Like you've heard a million times before, time heals. Now go get yourself a hottie.

 

Im also curious, how much did she try getting you back?

[lamaman3]

Youve already been broken up for a year - dont think about, dont post about it, dont ask about it - just get over it and move on with your life.

[typicaljs]

you're just gonna either have to take her back and move on, completely forgetting that.

 

or

 

Move on, relax, and find yourself a new girl who will treat you better.

[Untouchable_Fire]

We've been split up for almost a year now. Very little contact, by my orders, I just... need to know, and I don't think I ever got an honest answer out of her. By the way this girl was hitting me up for a ring just a few months before she did this - I never brought it up. We would actually look at rings from time to time. How or why does someone go from wanting to be engaged to me, to cheating on me weeks down the road?

Thanks in advance for any help guys. I still wonder if I've got irreperable damage from this girl...

 

Maybe those two things are linked. Did she feel like you were dragging your feet in regards to an engagement?

 

Some women get upset and lose confidence in the relationship when they dont get a proposal at the stage they expect. This might have provided some emotional fuel to go find someone else.

 

Just a thought. Either way, it's time for you to move on.