To all Couples: Do you take individual vacations?

[Sands_of_time]

Just curious about how other couples handle vacations. Do you take vacations (big ones, not talking weekend getaways with friends) without your spouse? If so, does your spouse mind?

[JackJack]

My wife went with her mother, sister, and sister in law on a girls weekend vacation to the beach before. Other than that, we don't usually go on seperate vacations.

[clv0116]

My parents never went away alone, usually the whole family went.

[quankanne]

we very much abide by the idea of separate vacations, simply because we both know that the other isn't going to enjoy what one has planned ... or is interested in hanging out days on end with friends/family. Time apart isn't a bad thing.

 

however, you've got to have a huge amount of trust in your partner for it to work, otherwise suspicion and jealousy will kill you.

[Trialbyfire]

Just curious about how other couples handle vacations. Do you take vacations (big ones, not talking weekend getaways with friends) without your spouse? If so, does your spouse mind?

We used to, once in awhile, since our work scheds didn't always mesh.

 

Regardless of what happened in my marriage, I still firmly believe in it. Everyone needs some downtime once in awhile. It's a great way to rebond with friends and family, when time is at a premium. At least you get to see and interact with your spouse everyday, since you live together.

 

If someone's going to cheat, they'll find a way so there's nothing you can do to stop them. Give them the rope and they can either hang themselves or live up to your trust.

[Touche]

Nope, never. We have absolutely no interest in it. We have the best time together so no need.

 

We do get our down times away from each other but that usually entails things like: him going in the living room to watch the History channel without me, or me escaping to my "cave" to listen to music and play on LS, or I might go to the next county for the day and have lunch with my mother or he might go on the back porch and have a few beers or one or the other might chill in the hot tub without the other oh and about once a month he goes out with the boys he grew up with for lunch.

 

It's just the idea of a vaca without the other holds no allure for either one of us.

[hotgurl]

we do simply because I get 4 weeks and he gets 2. So usually I take a week and fly home to visit the fam. But otherwise we take them together,

[want.it]

I have and it is part of the problem we are having now . She really resents it . Ounce I wanted to go to bike week so I took her and my daughter to Disney for a couple of days then left and went to Daytonna for 3or4 days and met back up with her and drove back home. To this day she still brings it up in arguments that I left her there to run of with my buds. Twice I went on hunting trips for 4or5 days (witch I doubt I could have made her go along on). These get brought up as well. And the other time we went to Vegas for a buddies bachelor party left Friday night came back on Monday. This one I can understand her not liking .

[quankanne]

is there any basis for it – like a previous PA or EA that might have left over repercussions? Or is she more of a jealous type?

[Citizen Erased]

So far they have been together. But I will be going without him and with my sister overseas either late this year or early next. No offense to him but I know it will be more enjoyable with her. He has no problem with me going but I've never given him a reason to think he can't trust me.

[wuggle]

Never, Holidays are some of the nicest times I have, why would I not want to spend them with my wife ?. Seems a strange idea to me.

[quankanne]

that's a really sweet thing to say about vacationing with your wife, wug

 

I enjoy time with DH, but there are also times that I just want to be with my girlfriends and not have him bugging me about when can we leave. I also refuse to go to anymore concerts with him because the last two we went to, they were cut short because he wanted to leave. I don't piss good money on tickets just to hear husbandly whining!

 

I also know that when my folks were alive, it was much easier to just leave him home knowing he'd be bored the whole time we were there if it were more than just an overnight trip, and I didn't want to subject him to that, you know?

[Sands_of_time]

All great replies--thank you!

 

Follow up question: If your spouse was uncomfortable with you taking individual vacations how would you handle it?

[want.it]

Well in my case I went and to this day I still here about it and wish that I had not it was not worth the greif it caused

[Touche]

All great replies--thank you!

 

Follow up question: If your spouse was uncomfortable with you taking individual vacations how would you handle it?

 

I wouldn't do it. I've learned over time that my spouse's comfort level is more important to me than my own selfish desires.

 

He wouldn't do it either. He's very considerate and if something made me that uncomfortable, he just wouldn't do it.

 

Some things are negotiable in a marriage and other things aren't. It's up to each couple to decide what is and what isn't.

 

If one person feels like having individual vacations is something they MUST do and the other thinks it's a deal-breaker, then you've got a problem. So it's either negotiate to everyone's satisfaction or split.

[Lizzie60]

Just curious about how other couples handle vacations. Do you take vacations (big ones, not talking weekend getaways with friends) without your spouse? If so, does your spouse mind?

 

No.. I never went alone on vacations while I was in a relationship... I went alone once.. and let me tell you.. it's a 'free pass' for some hot fun...

 

Unless there would be a very good reason not to go with my SO (if and when I have one), I see no reason to go on my own..

[2sure]

My H travels fairly frequently on business and I dont join him unless its a particuarly nice destination. Recently he thought about extending a work trip an extra week so that he and one of his single male business associates could relax. I laughed at him and he never mentioned it again.

[quankanne]

If your spouse was uncomfortable with you taking individual vacations how would you handle it?

 

I'd talk it over with him to find out why, then try to come to some kind of compromise, like "I won't go on a cruise or important family functions without you, but plan on hanging out with my girlfriend every once in awhile, and that'll be a weekend trip several hours from home" and offer him the same courtesy when HE wants to do something I don't particularly don't care for joining in. But again, there's got to be that trust.

[Heroic]

I have taken vacations with my buddy. They are the type of vacations my wife absolutely would NOT want to do. Two weeks of hard core roughing it camping in the middle of no where. These are a continuation of trips we have taken for years before I got married. Fact is my bachelor party was 2 weeks of hard core camping in South Dakota and Wyoming.

 

We never really thought of them as seperate vacations but now I do and I have a dilemna because I don't believe in them!

[Trialbyfire]

If my spouse minded, I wouldn't do it, although that means he would have to go on week long or more spa treatment vacations, once in awhile. AND no, there's no way I would go on a "rough it" style vacation. RV or cabin, flush toilets with hot showers would be the most roughing it, I would do!

[quankanne]

We never really thought of them as separate vacations but now I do and I have a dilemna because I don't believe in them!

 

really? what about if your wife realized that you needed down time with your friends, and encouraged you to do something fun just for you? Like, she didn't consider it as a separate vacation because y'all always manage to spend other chunks of vacation time together.

[clv0116]

Hunting with the guys is one thing, going to Vegas is completely another.

[Sands_of_time]

All excellent thoughts....good to know.

 

I ask this question to see if I am off base. In a nutshell...

 

MY wife and I are similar in that we both like to do identical things when it comes to vacations. IE...Usually someplace warm with a nice beach, good eats, fun nightlife...etc.

 

The problem is that we've always tried to balance paying for a vacation and doing other "expensive" things like adding a deck to the house, finishing the basement, adding a fence to the yard...etc. I dig taking vacations and we always made sure to save up the money first--instead of going the credit card route. Anyway, we usually try to take an expensive vacation (not talking weekend getaways) once every other year because we're able to save for the other things like decks, fences, basements...etc in the "off" years.

 

And when the vacation years do come around, I'd like to join in on the fun! But my wife believes that going to South Beach for a week with the girls is acceptable even though I disagree with spending $5K of family funds when it doesn't come around that often. I think if we are going to spend that much money it should be something we BOTH can enjoy. It just seems selfish to me.

 

I believe it's 5% insecurity on my part (she never gave me ANY reason to not trust her but as one poster said earlier, taking individual vacations, especially to places like South Beach can be a free pass) but it's 95% feeling like it only happens every couple years and I'd like to GO ON VACATION WITH MY WIFE!

 

We both do separate weekends with the guys and girls respectively at least once or twice a year so we aren't attached at the hip by any means. We have our own friends but we also hang out with each other's friends as well.

 

Am I nuts?

[hotgurl]

All excellent thoughts....good to know.

 

I ask this question to see if I am off base. In a nutshell...

 

MY wife and I are similar in that we both like to do identical things when it comes to vacations. IE...Usually someplace warm with a nice beach, good eats, fun nightlife...etc.

 

The problem is that we've always tried to balance paying for a vacation and doing other "expensive" things like adding a deck to the house, finishing the basement, adding a fence to the yard...etc. I dig taking vacations and we always made sure to save up the money first--instead of going the credit card route. Anyway, we usually try to take an expensive vacation (not talking weekend getaways) once every other year because we're able to save for the other things like decks, fences, basements...etc in the "off" years.

 

And when the vacation years do come around, I'd like to join in on the fun! But my wife believes that going to South Beach for a week with the girls is acceptable even though I disagree with spending $5K of family funds when it doesn't come around that often. I think if we are going to spend that much money it should be something we BOTH can enjoy. It just seems selfish to me.

 

I believe it's 5% insecurity on my part (she never gave me ANY reason to not trust her but as one poster said earlier, taking individual vacations, especially to places like South Beach can be a free pass) but it's 95% feeling like it only happens every couple years and I'd like to GO ON VACATION WITH MY WIFE!

 

We both do separate weekends with the guys and girls respectively at least once or twice a year so we aren't attached at the hip by any means. We have our own friends but we also hang out with each other's friends as well.

 

Am I nuts?

 

 

so it is not really an issue with taking seperate vacation but an issue with money.

 

I agree with you if you only take vacation every other year and are on a tight budget it should be something you both like.

 

BTW 5k sounds high for south Beach. It is costing my husband and I less than that to go to St. Vincent,

 

How we do it is we do 1 bigger vacation a year than we go camping or somehing cheaper. And I occasionally do a 4 day vacation with my friends or a week but these are always under $500.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree that this is more about money than separate vacations.

 

Out of curiosity, who generates the most income, on a percentile basis?