Lucky_One Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Good thing your infatuation with her didn't lead to your flying her to Vegas to marry her. Give it up. She isn't for you. Why would you even want to invest any effort into a woman that could possibly be lying about her entire life, or who obviously wants you away from her so badly that she gets her entire company to lie about her whereabouts. Either way, she doesn't want you, and you can't change her mind. I thought you were work colleagues?
Squirtal Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I thought that too and just scanned the thread..but she was a colleague from a former compnay...although I have to say something is not sitting right with me here...sounds almost like a sit com, from the late 70's or something. Sounds strange.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 The problem with being 41 and living with your parents (well, one of the problems) is that you've become so used to them having a massive influence on your life that you can't easily get out from under that. Not to denigrate you, but you sound like an extreme example of a momma's boy. After three dates or whatever it was, it doesn't matter that you two are seeing each other as GF/BF... that's WAY too soon to introduce her to your mother, especially in a situation of enforced civility like a sit-down lunch. You probably freaked her the hell out. The mere fact that she met your mother in such a formal setting so quickly made you seem all the more momma's-boy-esque. You need your own place, and you need to set boundaries between you and your mother. And, I expect most women won't want to get serious about a guy who's away for months at a time. Unless they go with them, which most people (because they have their own jobs, families, friends, etc.) can't do. So, one of the trade-offs if you want to find a LTR could be your job.
Author loveman7 Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 whoa..thanks for your comments. it was very helpful and interesting to read. i have good news: i'll move next month. finally, i'll do this big step. i think that's the only way to give my mum and me a chance to cool our tight relationship a bit down. and especially now....it gets on my nerves that she talkes badly about my girlfriend or whatever she was/ is. i don't understand it!!! it's so weird. you think, i'm crazy because i say she's my girlfriend. But she startet it. she called me very day before we met and told me what a perfect guy/boyfriend i am for her. do you think, we're both freaks??? do you really believe i need a therapy??? maybe i'm just desperate, desperate because all of my relationships were a big mess. and when i think about how it ends, i remember my mum!!! she liked one of my girlfriend very much. they were like friends and met very often. but then something happened between the two and i never seen her again. maybe they had an arguement about me!!! what's your opinion?? i know that all sound very strange but it's true. i'd like to understand it!!!
GorillaTheater Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I won't even pretend I understand all of your issues, but from what I can gleen off this thread: f*ck yes you need therapy. You appear to be a trainwreck-in-waiting with respect to any and all relationships you've had or ever will have, and you've been stuck in that pattern for about 20 years too long. If you have any desire to get to a better place, professional help is necessary. With all due respect, I think you're too far gone to get much help from a message board.
reservoirdog1 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 you think, i'm crazy because i say she's my girlfriend. But she startet it. she called me very day before we met and told me what a perfect guy/boyfriend i am for her. do you think, we're both freaks??? You need to remove from your mind the idea that, as soon as you stick a label on your relationship, it's automatically the right time to introduce her to your mother. Especially where your mother has so much influence and presence in your life. I'd wait at least a couple of months before introducing a new GF to my parents, or at least in a situation of enforced civility. People often declare themselves BF/GF very quickly, because they really dig each other. Lust makes you do funny things sometimes. But meeting the parents is generally one of the least lust-inspiring events you can imagine within the context of normal relationship stuff. On the contrary, somebody who's meeting their SO's parents for the first time is usually quite apprehensive. You need to wait until the connection your GF feels for you is strong enough (i.e. based on something more than just straight lust) to override that apprehension. Otherwise, she'll bolt at the first hint of trouble or weirdness. A few dates in little more than a week definitely ain't it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 i cannot believe it...why is it so hard to find a girl who wants to be together with me longer than just a night or 3 month. that was my absolute maximum. i don't know what's wrong. i mean, the girls always told me that the sex and my character was good. so, what's the point. what do they want from me!!!!!!!!! I had this problem before and you know what I just stopped caring about it. I think maybe your just meeting fickle woman who are not long term! start small think big.
stveballmer Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 hiiiii...........i think to be in a long relationship with any girl, first you need to know that what she wants and should create a better understanding with each other and try to remove communication gap if it exists........and why don't you try some good dating sites like elenasmodels.com,womenrussia.com, and others........ Thanks Steve
GorillaTheater Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Loveman, My apologies. I'm not sure my take on your situation is wrong, but I came on far too strong and insulting. Please continue posting if you feel you're getting something out of it.
Author loveman7 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 Loveman, My apologies. I'm not sure my take on your situation is wrong, but I came on far too strong and insulting. Please continue posting if you feel you're getting something out of it. i do get something from all the comments, believe me. it's definitely better than a psycho doctor. for me, it seems so weird to make an appointment there. what if my problem is serious or he doesn't even want to see me because it's so unimportant..you know. have you ever been to a psycho doctor??? if yes, how was it??? did it really help you??? i'm quite pessimistic about doctors in general. my big hope is that i find my way and ideas for my future here in this forum, from you. maybe, i should try something different to find a woman. what do you think about dating sites, speed-dating or...??? since now, i always believed in the normal way of meeting someone..i mean without dating agencies etc...soon, i have my own flat, my own life..why not try another possibility of getting to know a woman???
GorillaTheater Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 have you ever been to a psycho doctor??? if yes, how was it??? did it really help you??? i'm quite pessimistic about doctors in general. Yeah, I have. About a half dozen years ago I became very ill, and it lasted a few months. I couldn't do nearly as much at work or around the house that I was used to doing. Everyone was very supportive, but I overreacted to what I perceived was my inadequacy, and fell into a depression. My illness didn't put my job and marriage at risk, but the depression did, and I let it go far too long before I broke down and sought medical and psychological help. Previously, my attitudes were alot like yours. But I started taking an anti-depressant and was in counseling for awhile. I got my thinking back on track and stopped taking the meds after less than a year. Here's my take on you: you seem to be doing well career-wise, but have alot of trouble with personal relationships. I find your relationship with your mother odd. Not Oedipal (sp?) by any means, just odd. I think it has taken you far longer than normal to cut the apron strings. I think you may fall too hard and too fast for the women in your life. Add that to the weird dynamic between your mother and at least many of the women, and you wind up with the women being inevitably scared away. I think both relationship dynamics have alot to do with immaturity on your part: not being comfortable in your own skin and wanting someone else to "complete" you. Some websites (including this one) can help with some of the issues (i.e., being the kind of calm, self-assured, confident, and independent man that tends to attract women, and setting appropriate boundaries with both women in general and your mom in particular). But I think counseling from a professional would help you to address the problems you find yourself dealing with much more effectively. The hardest part about counseling is being perfectly honest about yourself without putting up a "front". But it can help immeasurably. Keep posting. I'm honestly interested in how things go with you, and I wish you the best.
stepka Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Loveman take a good look at yourself--are you a momma's boy? Most women run 10 miles to get away from one. And what is your mother like? To the women you date that is--no one wants the MIL from hell. That could be a clue too, but you'll have to take a hard look at yourself--I would imagine that it's hard to recognize these traits in yourself or your mother. Also, I'd be more willing to have the MIL from hell if I didn't have to see her much, but if she's there everyday, forget it. (Actually I do have one of those and I don't see her much--that's the best part of the divorce--I can lose her for good if I want to.) As for the traveling--that probably depends on where you go--if it's OK City for 3 months you proably won't have many takers, but if it's Paris, well some might even put up with the MIL from hell.
Author loveman7 Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 'psycho doctor, brain washing!' do you really think i need that?? i mean, i'm not the only person in the 40s who still lives at his parents' house. by the way, most of the time i'm abroad for business, then i own a part of the house and also pay for it and besides i'll move in a few weeks. until now, i didn't even think or know that i have a problem and now everyone's jumping on me....also my friends. one of my friends gave me the address of a good psycho doctor. for me, it was absolutely surprising that he knows and also visited an psycho doctor. and guess what, who called me??? my lovely girlfriend/ strange woman..whatever. she told me, she was kicked out off her job because they blamed her for having stolen something. then, she visited some friends to think about her future, me...weird, isn't it??? i'm not sure if i believe her or what i shall believe. is she a thief??? or just a liar??? maybe both?? we didn't talk very long. she told me she still needs some time. i go crazy because she didn't give me the answer i really wanted.
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