sabel777 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I am new to the forum, but I have been reading posts here for about a month. I wanted to introduce myself and tell my story. My ex-Fiance left me about two months ago, very sudden. We were in a long distance relationship due to her being at school, but I loved her very much. We dated for over three years, and were engaged for over a year and a half. We were very much in love, and she supported me in all aspects of my life. I love her so much that I could not imagine my life without her. We were waiting for her to graduate before we got married. Ever since the day she left me I have been a wreck. I became very depressed with my job about 7 months ago and started becoming distant. She was constantly trying to get me to reach out, but I just could not manage. When she would ask me about my day, I would give one word answers and would not try to push for more conversation. I would still go see her when I was able, but I could tell that things were not the same that she did not seem as happy. I would tell her that I love her, hold her when we watched TV, but would never be overly affectionate…if you know what I mean. This did not mean I did not love her, I just did not come from a very affectionate family. We happened to both be home for the holidays (our families live in the same area), and the night I got home I called her to invite her over for dinner. As soon as I got on the phone she started to cry, and said that she could not do this anymore. I of course begged, but after about 3-4 minutes she hung up the phone. That was the last I heard from her. Since then I tried to call her five times (about once a week for a month) and wrote her about 5 letters and two cards (via postal service, not e-mails) just to get her to talk to me. I heard nothing from her over Christmas or New Years. I have spoke to her parents many times, and they tell me that she can not talk because she is too hurt. The last time I tried to contact her (about a month ago), her mother answered the phone. When I asked if I could speak to her, the mother asked my ex-fiance if she would like to talk to me, and she said that she could not. Her mother indicated that she was not ready. This was about five weeks into the break-up. That was the last time I tried to contact her at all. It has been two + months now since the breakup, and still no contact. I am in pain everyday. I love her so much, and only want to be with her. I feel that there has been no closure to this relationship, meaning we did not talk about anything. Her parents still contact me frequently (about once every two weeks) and they say that she is just too hurt to speak to me. They say that I hurt her so much that she can not muster enough to talk to me, She is now back at school. I do not look at her IM or Facebook, as I am trying to heal and do not want to get upset by what I may see. This whole situation hurts terrible. I feel that I want to talk to her just to get some closure. Further, she still has the engagement ring. I do not know if I should ask for it back, or if she should just give it back. The ring is very significant to me, since it is my symbol of love and commitment to her. (I do not care about the money, it is the symbol behind the ring). But why would she keep it? Also, it hurt that she broke up with me over the phone, when we were only about 15 minutes apart. I do not want to hurt her, I love her. We were good friends for four years before we started dating, and this absolutely destroys me that she will not even talk to me now. If anyone has any insight please respond. Has anyone been in a similar situation? A women’s perspective would be very welcome on why she would be acting like this. (Not talking, not giving back the ring, etc.)
Truly Lost Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 It looks like you are going to have to wait till she gets around to contacting you. Stop contacting her. If you keep calling, she will wait longer to call you because you haven't given her enough time to think long and hard if she made the right decision. You have to disappear for a while so she can really feel the void. You both will talk again, trust me. Not sure how much time she will need, but if you stay away long enough she will be calling you sooner than later. Maybe not to make up, but talking again will happen. Especially since you have both invested a lot of time together and almost got married. If anything she will want closure eventually. All you can do right now is think about what the issue was and learn from it. If she doesn't want to work the relationship out you will have no choice but to accept that. I'm sorry that you are hurting right now. Hope things will work out for the better.
bloodymurder Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Dude, I am in a very similar situation to you minus a few details. My fiancee left me in December, I have been a mess ever since... See the story here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=178470. I wish I had more insight...but I agree with the above post, stop trying to get a hold of her. I have not tried to get a hold of my fiancee...or ex fiancee....**** that feels weird to say. I have not tried once... she left, and when she realizes the mistake she made, only she can come back, the next step is hers. It is the best thing to do for two reasons. One; if she does want to come back, or anything in that regard, she will not realize what she misses, or loves, or what mistake she could have made by having you in her life in any sort of way. She left, and this is the consequence of that decision. And if **** happens, and she doesn't come back, then you are that much further down the road to recovery. Until then I suggest finding new things, reconnect with friends. It sucks and it is hard, but it is the only thing that you can do...I feel for you, I do, I would never wish what has happened to me or you on anybody in the world. Sorry if my advice seems plain or boring, but I do feel for you... just remember one thing that I have found in my 2 months of being alone. Take everyones advice with a grain of salt...only you and you alone know your relationship, whether its worth fighting for, or whether to throw it away. Good luck.
nature Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 This does not make sense to me. Ok, you became a bit distant and were going through a bit of a rough time with work, etc. But those things happen in life. Life isn't always peachy keen, and there are always going to be times when one person is not always in the best head space. But the fact is, you were still together, still told her you loved her, etc. Is there more to this story that you have not mentioned? It just does not make sense to me that this girl is this hurt over this that she cannot talk to you. It is not like you cheated. You were not ignoring her and blowing her off to go party or run around with your friends. You were still "there' with her. So for her to be this hurt, it just makes no sense to me. So either there must be more behind this story that you haven't realized yet...more that has made her so hurt to the point she can't talk to you. Or else she just decided she did not want to be with you anymore, so is just using the front of being "too hurt" to talk to you, because she just seriously is wanting to move on and isn't in to talking to you. Something doesn't sit right with me here. I am a woman.
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