ola81 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Hi im new to all this, but need serious help. Im with my b'f 1 year, it is a long distance thing, but see each other at least 2 weekends per month. I met him though an online dating website. At the start i was the happiest i ever had been. Then 3 months into it, i saw on his computer that he was still using the websites, this hurt alot, but he said he would stop, and me being a fool stayed with him. I continue to have suspicous doubts, other things have happened, too much to start writing. At the start he was so loving, and brilliant to me, but after the 6 month mark, this has all changed. Im now an emotional wreck. he is no longer loving towards me, hates talking on the phone, says other girls are hot (seemingly he said this is normal). Loves going out with his friends, can be gone overnight, and always puts his phone off during these nights out. He hates kissing, hardly ever cuddles me, and the sex has got bad too. I always try and break up, and he never accepts it. He says he know he treats me bad, but that is just him and he wont change. Im sure there is loads that is missing here, and i cant remember alot of the stuff that has happened. Im meant to be moving in with him in 6 weeks....am i gonna make the biggest mistake of my life. Please be honest with me. Thanks, Ola x
Toodle Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Major mistake moving in with him. His phone being off isn't a good sign. I think you need to step away - I bet after a month of not being in contact, you'll have an epiphany and see what's really going on here, and then hate him for treating you like this.
Author ola81 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Its is so hard to break up though, i want to get away from my life here, so i think that is sorta the main reason why i want to move. He does love me, as he puts up with crap fom me too, constant nagging and moaning and unhappiness. all i ever wanted was a normal relationship, i think i derserve better, and then i think maybe no one else would want me,and i should be happy with what i've got!
Toodle Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I think you need to take some time off and work on yourself then. You're dependant on him and this might be turning him off. It's not healthy thinking that no-one else would want you.
Island Girl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Im now an emotional wreck. he is no longer loving towards me, hates talking on the phone, says other girls are hot (seemingly he said this is normal). Loves going out with his friends, can be gone overnight, and always puts his phone off during these nights out. He hates kissing, hardly ever cuddles me, and the sex has got bad too. Read and reread the paragraph above and ask yourself why you would stay. Being alone would be better than putting up with someone treating you like absolute crap right?! He says he know he treats me bad, but that is just him and he wont change. Yeah what a prize. Where can I get one? Oh yeah on many couches and in many bars across the country! He is not anything special sweetie. You can always find another piece of crap. What you want and deserve is a guy that treats you well! They are out there. They may be harder to find but you'll NEVER find one as long as you're stuck with Loser. Im sure there is loads that is missing here, and i cant remember alot of the stuff that has happened. Oh there's more! Just kidding - there's plenty here. No one needs anymore info. You need to get rid of this boy. Im meant to be moving in with him in 6 weeks....am i gonna make the biggest mistake of my life. NO YOU SHOULD NOT MOVE IN. YES IT WILL BE A MISTAKE. Its is so hard to break up though, i want to get away from my life here, so i think that is sorta the main reason why i want to move. He does love me, as he puts up with crap fom me too, constant nagging and moaning and unhappiness. all i ever wanted was a normal relationship, i think i derserve better, and then i think maybe no one else would want me,and i should be happy with what i've got! There is someone out that that will really love you. This guy doesn't or he couldn't treat you so horribly. And when you say it is over remember that is your decision. He can't stop you from dumping him. You just have to really mean it and really do it. You need to make yourself a priority and get him gone for good. You'll be amazed how much better your life can be when you get rid of over 100 pounds of crap that you drag around with you everywhere!
Author ola81 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 I re read everything i worte, and it does seem pretty bad. Maybe i over dramatised things, He was going through a tough time when i met him, and i told him i would always stick by him, he suffers from anxiety and depression. He does nice things for me, even though he hates talking on the phone, he is always there when i ring. His phone is old, and always runs out of battery, so i think that is why he had it off when im there. Its hard to explain the situation im in, i had a pretty crap life, never really had a b'f before (issues i had prevented me from having one), i do genuinely love him, but he is difficlut at time, as am i. I do think i smother him sometimes, but then other times i dont, we only see each other 6 days out of a whole month! we talk for about 45mins each night, always ends in a row, cos im the one doing the most talking!! I wanted to take loads of breaks, even suggested seeing othe people, but he wasnt having any of that. He is so nice sometimes, then horrible other times. When he is horrible, i always stand up for myself, but i hate name calling, so i get angry with him. I think would be difficult in all relationships.
Island Girl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Okay. If you want to keep making excuses for his bad behavior then expect more of the same. If fact I predict it will be worse when you move in with him. Please remember you can come here when you need to vent and advice will here from LSers when you need it as well.
Author ola81 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 He's just after dumping me!! Wanna die
Island Girl Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 He broke up with you? If so you are SO FORTUNATE. You can't believe how clearly you are going to see that once you detox from the sh*tstorm you have been in. Truly your self esteem has suffered so much you could not even see how bad he was treating you. He is toxic.
Author ola81 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 i need to be with him. We had so many plans, so many things to look forward to, cant believe this has happened. im at work, so cant cry or anything
Toodle Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Seriously, you are experiencing a lucky escape. I'm sure it hurts like hell right now, but it's for the best.
Arianne Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 So many plans? but the way you put it, doesn't sound like you had much of a relationship hun. Being with someone os supposed to be beautiful - they all have their nasty bits and being different, people will always disagree but that is no excuse to treat the other person like crap. your boyfriend should have been considerate of you and your feelings, regardless of what he was going through. He should have explained his situation to you so that you could help him better. I feel like i take too much crap from my bf too but it is nowhere near what u described. and we have just made a concsious effort to work at the relationship, to communicat more, respect love and trust each other which just might help. I suggest that you go through the grieving period, give yourself enough time to rest, eat your fave foods, take time off from work, keep busy with friends and family -pple that love you. also, take an extra 20 minutes in your appearance each day - u will not feel like it but looking better will help you feel a little better too, as insignificant as that might seem. Initiate NC, and after a few months am sure you will begin to see that it really was not worth the hustle. i know you do not believe me but honey being alone is much better than being with someone who beats you up and breaks you down each and every day to till it gets to th point where you do not feel worthy of being loved anymore. Stay strong.
Author ola81 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 thank you everyone. He sent me a msg saying he didnt mean it, and he loved me, and cared about me. i can be pretty c**p to him too. I really wanted to move over to him, start afresh, and if it didnt last, then i knew nothing else could be done. I just wanted to get away from my life here. I want to help him get better, he said he would get help. And i am going to talk to his mum this weekend, for her to help too.
Author ola81 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 Just spoke to him on phone...haha, in the space of 1 hour he is back to his oldself. Moody grumpy loser. Guess what...its my fault that we fight, its my fault i make him angry....so he says, so it must be right. He is a waster with no job and no future, and i was the one that was gonna leave a good job to be with him. I just want to think of the most hurtful crap to say to him, and put it in an email...but that would mean i was stooping to his level. I was a confident outgoing, wouldnt take crap of anyone before i met him, now he has left me an emotional mess with no self worth, no confidence and no belief in herself. Why did it take me 1 year to realise all this. How to i get back to me, and how will i ever want to be anyone or feel secure with them
Island Girl Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Just spoke to him on phone...haha, in the space of 1 hour he is back to his oldself. Moody grumpy loser. Guess what...its my fault that we fight, its my fault i make him angry....so he says, so it must be right. He is a waster with no job and no future, and i was the one that was gonna leave a good job to be with him. I just want to think of the most hurtful crap to say to him, and put it in an email...but that would mean i was stooping to his level. I was a confident outgoing, wouldnt take crap of anyone before i met him, now he has left me an emotional mess with no self worth, no confidence and no belief in herself. Why did it take me 1 year to realise all this. How to i get back to me, and how will i ever want to be anyone or feel secure with them OH THANK GAWD. I don't know what got your head on straight but I am so glad it happened. The first thing you do for yourself to get back to the confident strong woman you really are, is you do not send a bashing e-mail and stoop to his level. You are better than that. Better than him! So you send him a message that say upon further consideration you have decided your relationship is no longer beneficial and you are ending it. You let it be known that there will be no response to any contact because there is nothing else to say. And then you go NC. You will be surprised how much easier it is for you to breathe after just a couple of days and it only gets better. You will get yourself back. You are still there -- just stuffed down inside because of poor treatment like a beaten dog cowering in the corner. You have to remember you have teeth girlfriend and you get yourself out f that corner and back to living your LIFE.
You'reasian Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Its is so hard to break up though, i want to get away from my life here, so i think that is sorta the main reason why i want to move. He does love me, as he puts up with crap fom me too, constant nagging and moaning and unhappiness. all i ever wanted was a normal relationship, i think i derserve better, and then i think maybe no one else would want me,and i should be happy with what i've got! You do deserve better. You deserve the best! Never settle.
Recommended Posts