msjules Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 For a few weeks after my breakup I was traumatized and in shock. My hands would shake and it seemed my whole body was shaking. The way he dumped me was so unexpected and out of character. Then came the tears, rivers of tears. I cried until I didn't think I had a tear left in my body. Then I cried even more. That went on for months. Now I am left with anger. I wake up in the morning pissed off. I go through my day pissed off. My last thoughts of the day are full of anger. He absolutely disgusts me. He is such a coward. Such a pussy. The outside world does not know I am this angry, but I feel like my insides are red hot with anger. I don't like feeling this way, feeling so negatively. I am the kind of person who usually cries when she is angry, I don't really ever get this mad. I am not used to this and I am not comfortable with it. It's probably very healthy to feel this way right now but I am afraid I am going to feel this way for the rest of my life. Do you think I am always going to feel this way? Will these feelings ever go away? Am I going to think of this B**CH every day for the rest of my life????
Island Girl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 No you aren't going to be like this the rest of your life but you definitely need to get your frustrations out. Have you thought about taking some boxing lessons? Just getting to hit something in a safe sane way can really help a lot. And it is great exercise.
Author msjules Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 That's a great idea! And I know a real life dummy I would just love to beat the crap out of too! Seriously, you're right. I do need some sort of outlet. I will have to give this some thought. Thanks. I really don't want to feel like this for much longer, it's eating me up inside. And I want to stop thinking of him every hour of every day because he sure isn't doing the same.
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 .....Now I am left with anger. I wake up in the morning pissed off. I go through my day pissed off. My last thoughts of the day are full of anger. He absolutely disgusts me. He is such a coward. Such a pussy. The outside world does not know I am this angry, but I feel like my insides are red hot with anger. Don't count on it. I'm sorry, but I bet it does show in some ways. Even though you might be convinced it doesn't..... I don't like feeling this way, feeling so negatively. I am the kind of person who usually cries when she is angry, I don't really ever get this mad. I am not used to this and I am not comfortable with it. It's probably very healthy to feel this way right now but I am afraid I am going to feel this way for the rest of my life. No, it's not healthy. Not at all. Anger is like a festering sore that just keeps ingrowing and jading your entire being. Anger is fine if you channel it and project it, and then have done with it. Holding onto it, is like grappling with a portugese-man o'-war. Damn awkward and potentially lethal. And it hurts like billy-ho.... Do you think I am always going to feel this way? Will these feelings ever go away? Am I going to think of this B**CH every day for the rest of my life???? At the risk of sounding like a cliché - only if you let it. Really, Anger is the nastiest of emotions, because it sticks like tar-and-feathers and won't let go. But part of the cure is to wish to be cured, and every day, you should start the day with a positive statement, and you should end the day with one too. Don't berate yourself for feeling like this, but change your mind-set. he doesn't matter any more. He's moved on, and is less and less significant every day. And you have to let go of that..... Create your own statements, but make sure they're ultra-positive, and "in the present." Don't talk or assert things in the future. otherwise, they'll develop the habit of staying there. See if you can get hold of some self-help cds or tapes, to plug earphones in at night and fall asleep to. It still gets through, and I guarantee it - if you implement positive measures into your life, you will make your life positive.
Ronni_W Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I am the kind of person who usually cries when she is angry, I don't really ever get this mad. I agree with IG -- find safe outlets to release the 'angry energy'. Usually any physical activity, gardening, even locking yourself in the car and screaming your lungs out. While writing in my 'anger journal' a few years back, I actually broke a pen . I guess I musta been really pissed that day! You can also try at-home art therapy -- mine used to end up mostly scrawls and scribbles in black and red (go figure, huh?) And you can burn your completed 'artwork', for added release. Other possibility is that some (or a lot) of your current anger is related to other times in your life, when you suppressed the depth of your frustrations, or it didn't get totally released through crying. And some of it can be that you are angry at yourself for things you did or did not do, that you feel you "should" or "should not" have done (guilt, basically.) Again, an anger journal can be useful to write down any other incidents that come to mind, and explore if there is any anger that needs to be released, or forgiveness given (to self or others), or a new perspective found. Whatever needs to happen for YOU to feel better about it. Hugs and good luck.
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Hi Msjules, a certain amount of anger is healthy, but like has been said above, you do need to let it out. Exercise is a great way of letting go all that energy. (Find a windy beach and walk into the wind!!! Feels great! if you're near a beach...........) I found venting here an enormous relief. Part of the anger will be stuff you wanted to say that you didn't get to. At least for me it was, and I posted it here instead of saying it to my ex. Like the anger journal Ronni mentioned I guess. And you won't always feel this way, I felt angry too, and I feel way better now. So long as you don't let it build up!
justletgo07 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Anger is a natural stage of the grieving process, so you can at least find some comfort in the fact that you are moving through the stages. This is normal, and a good sign. Anger actually makes it easier to move on and get over your ex. As with all the stages of grief, the hard thing is not getting stuck in one of them. Let yourself feel what you're going to feel, but try not to dwell on it, and focus on finding healthy ways to deal with and process your anger.
Justmike101 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 For a few weeks after my breakup I was traumatized and in shock. My hands would shake and it seemed my whole body was shaking. The way he dumped me was so unexpected and out of character. Then came the tears, rivers of tears. I cried until I didn't think I had a tear left in my body. Then I cried even more. That went on for months. Now I am left with anger. I wake up in the morning pissed off. I go through my day pissed off. My last thoughts of the day are full of anger. He absolutely disgusts me. He is such a coward. Such a pussy. The outside world does not know I am this angry, but I feel like my insides are red hot with anger. I don't like feeling this way, feeling so negatively. I am the kind of person who usually cries when she is angry, I don't really ever get this mad. I am not used to this and I am not comfortable with it. It's probably very healthy to feel this way right now but I am afraid I am going to feel this way for the rest of my life. Do you think I am always going to feel this way? Will these feelings ever go away? Am I going to think of this B**CH every day for the rest of my life???? lol u sound like ur in the right path. listen u r lucky to feel angry instead of depressed and hopeless, which is what most people experience. This means your self-esteem is still intact and you still have respect for yourself. Most people get heart broken and stay in bed all day. Trust me, this too shall pass and anger is much easier to deal with than hopelessness and depression.
Author msjules Posted February 11, 2009 Author Posted February 11, 2009 Thank you, everyone, for your input. I was able to get in and see my former therapist today. She thinks the anger is indeed, healthy because I have moved past the tears and despair. I haven't been feeling this way for very long, maybe ten days or so, it just feels like it's been forever. And yes, I am also angry at myself for putting up with treatment that I never should have tolerated. I have compromised my dignity and I am really mad at myself for that. I have been so tempted to send him an angry email but I know that maintaining NC is the only way to keep what little dignity I have left. I have reason to believe he may be emailing me any day now (long story) and I am a bit peeved at myself for checking my email frequently, even though I have no intention of answering it. I HAVE TO MAINTAIN NC, every time I break it I end up regretting it later. I have planned a two day-vigorous hiking expedition with one of my good friends this weekend so that should help me get some anger out. Thanks everyone again for your advice and feedback.
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