haley121 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Hey, I'm just looking for some reassurance. Please read. My bf (ex bf now) and I broke up yesterday after 2 1/2 years of a roller-coaster relationship. We only had one big split for about 4 months and the rest of the time we were together continuously (with some minor hiccups along the way). He decided a year ago that he could see himself with me, and there were times I thought he could be the one, but I was still uncertain. I think it was partly because I'm quite a bit younger (I'm 21 and he's 25) but also because my future goals are still up in the air, and he's very certain on things like kids, location, etc. I could see that my future goals may not have necessarily matched up with his (though like I said, it was up in the air). In the past few months, he told me that he needed our future to be more certain since he feels like the clock is ticking. Many of his friends are getting married and such (even his friends who are a couple years younger). He feels that he can't spend more years on me if it's probably not going to work. He was even talking about the possibility of getting married after I graduate. Well, the idea of marriage at this point kind of freaked me out a little. I just felt too young, and I was worried about the logistics issues plus the differences in the way we view life, so instead of dealing with the problem, I brushed it off (I realize that was wrong now). I was afraid of the commitment he was asking of me, and I pulled back a lot and stopped putting as much effort into the relationship (also wrong). Because of my indecision he stopped putting in the effort as well. Anyway, he gave me a month to "figure it out" as far as the commitment thing, and I really didn't come up with an answer, so he said he had to end it. Now I'm stuck feeling enormous pain over all this. I really did love him. There are some great things about him that I'm not sure I'll ever find in any other man. Like I've never found anyone who can make me laugh like he can. I feel like I've been through so much with him and now it's all over. Just like that. I can't eat. sleep. focus. I went into minor shock the other day (went numb all over, felt dizzy and nauseous). I'm stuck with questions of "what if." What if I had tried harder instead of pulling away? What if I was just an idiot? What if this is my last chance to fix something great and I'm just letting it slip away? I feel like this is all my fault. What if I go out, experience the world, and realize that it was him I wanted all along? It will most likely be too late. He's not going to wait around. He wants me, but he said if he can't have me (or a more committed me anyway), then he's going to get over me and move on. He's told his friends that he won't find someone better than me, but they told him not to settle for someone who's so non-committal. I just don't know anything anymore. And I miss him. Every time I try to convince myself that it was never going to work, I think of awesome times we had together...most of them are recent times actually. I rarely think of the "happy blissful" times at the beginning of the relationship because the recent ones seem more real and deep to me. I think maybe it's just the break-up that's putting these crazy second-guessing notions in my head. Still, they're there. So that's what I need you guys for. Knock some common sense into me! Please?
SValentine Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 It will hurt, considering you guys have been together for 2 and a half years. But you have to understand that he is at the stage of his life where he wants to settle down, though i admit 25 is still young. You don't like this idea and he probably doesn't like that. He wants someone who will settle down with him. I say don't worry as you're only 21. There will be other guys who come along who won't want to settle down with you just yet. You will find 'the one' someday, i strongly believe that. Until then, bear with your feelings. You'll be surprised how much better you feel about yourself when you've gotten over him and this tough time.
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